Nyataimori

Do keep in mind, that since Jacob and Doug lost the password to their mp3.com account, if you buy a copy of the CD, they will never get any money, or even know that you bought one for that matter.
-Gene

i know that. i don’t know if i care if they get my money. even though.…i could just get it for free from jacob. but then i wouldn’t have the spiff liner notes. admittedly i could make my own liner notes.…it’s a dilemna. that’s why i restrained from the purchasing fever.

i would like to sell some ass…
any buyers? hey, can’t blame me for tryin’.

Shit, I want to buy it, too. I have the CD, but the liner notes!

i too am disappointed in the sellers of ass… they were MY teletubbies, and i even got a promise from doug that i’d get credit. and may i remind you, dear michele, that when we made the songs, the souls were still intact inside those little fluffy bodies, just as baby jesus meant them to be.

pat it, pat it.

stalker m@, i think that someone so married should not be so dirty all the time. for my part, i like to take the millers as my models for the proper clean quotient of a married couple.

Why thank you darling. You are so sweet.

So what is this ass you are all on about? I think I missed something.

Signed,
Knock Knock Retard

oh it’s a band! sorry it took me a minute to remember too. the band of the A$$ merchants.

and m@ is just nattering away about lyposuction.

p.s. i’m sorry i didn’t come on saturday! i spent all day painting my room and i was so fucking tired. i know i’m a disgrace. but you guys should see my room!! it’s god-awful. i’ll take pictures soon and put them up.

i like frogs.

Wow!!! I feel famous. I’ve finally got to read a post by stalker M@. I seriously thought you guys were pulling my leg (figuratively).

M@, do some stalky things, I wanna see. Say things like “I liked what you wore to bed last night” and “You know Michele, you should have curbed your wheels this morning when you parked on that hill when you got to work. You car could roll away if you don’t. Would you like me to go curb them for you.…. no, it’s ok I’ve got a key.”

ohhh my christ. i just went and listened to the a$$ merchants and they are just as brilliant as i remember them. doug, jacob, if ever you read this site: genius i say. pure genius. and if you don’t read this site, well, just know that all your laurels are resting in an obscure pocket of the internet.

didofoot - yes lyposuction, that is what i was, “nattering away about.” (as my michele so eloquently stated.) i have a very large and cottage cheesy ass, you see. dirty talk? maybe ye shall inspect thine own thoughts before passing judgement. what ever were you thinking child?

gene - i believe you may have an unrealized aptitude. with proper training you may understand the subtleties required to accomodate such an esteemed position as, “stalker.” michele is worth stalking, mind you. however, we shall not make her flee too quickly. understand that the tiger crouches before he strikes. (wtf am i talking about?)

thanks gene. thanks a lot.

Why, thanks, Kristen. It’s always nice to get compliments. But your compliment pales in comparison to the compliments delivered unto us by the Norwegians. I demand that you push a television set 5 miles through the woods and push it off a cliff to show your love for The A$$ Merchants.

Jason: We did a damn fine job on the liner notes. There are pictures of robots EVERYWHERE. And some other stuff that I don’t remember. Maybe I should buy it.…

Hey! I finally remembered the password for MP3.com! And it turns out that someone actually bought something from us! We made $0.53 back in 2001! Woo-hoo!

I just changed the CD pricing, so it’s now only $7.98. Buy buy buy! I should warn you, though, that they’ve added some new types of inside art that we didn’t design. So the inside booklet and cover are A$$ Merchants-approved, but there are some other generic MP3.com things in there, too. However, the picture of the cookie-robot should entice you to become a consumer.

Also, if you’re looking for an easy-to-remember URL, you can also get to the A$$ Merchants site via
http://www.mp3.com/assmerchants