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June 29, 2004
mood: diabetic (or, 'i love my mom')
in april my aunt mary and i discussed boyfriends. it's something we're prone to do now that two of the cousins have gotten married. in fact, the last time we chatted the topic up was due to the second wedding of the cousins. perhaps some of you remember that uproar and basic loss of sound mind i suffered the first time one of my cousins got engaged? well, the reason you heard next to nothing about this second one is because it's bizarre, scandalous, and doesn't threaten my self-worth in any way.*
here are snippets of the convo
me: i've decided since john got married first and is oldest, and now neal is getting married and is 3rd oldest, next to be married will have to be james since he is 5th oldest. and then lacey. i then became very sad because this theory meant that someone who is 9 is going to get married before me. but then i tried to convince myself that i didn't want to get married anyway. but, you know, a boyfriend would be nice.
mary: If you do decide to get a boyfriend, let me know. Maybe I'll try one out too. Could be interesting, or at least a change of pace. But what if it turns out to be annoying? I believe I should think about this a bit more...don't want to rush into anything.
me: mary, if you're going to go around getting all sorts of piercings and maybe tattoos, you might as well experiment with a boyfriend too. from the aforementioned forays into tattoo parlors and the like, perhaps you should get a harley boyfriend. yes. you could wear leather and gun around the rural highways of oregon on the back of his hog. make sure you buy one of those leather jackets or vest with the fringe. the fringe element is key i think for visual impact when going really fast on a motorcycle. and if he/it does become annoying, you can always dump his zen motorcycle mind self. bah. be casual and cruel and don't get attached! (unless you want to) i, also, will start hanging out in biker bars in san francisco. this will inevitably mean a lot of gay middle aged to old men in leather and i will achieve zero success. damn you men who wear leather shorts and spank each others asses! sigh.
this last week my mom sent aunt mary and myself a link to a house we're considering renting for the coming christmas family together time. i replied with a query about whether i could sleep outside in a tent rather than stay in the same house with the entire family. you have to understand that the last few years we've rented two houses next door to one another which basically makes my life easier in that there's an escape house from the majority of them for quiet time. this house on the oregon coast is just one house. one house with not enough bedrooms.
my mom replied with the following:
Mary said to remind you that the two of you are bringing your "hot, biker dudes" to Christmas and you'll be too busy to be worried about the lack of bedrooms. Though I don't think that works actually. Seems you would be more worried about the lack of bedrooms.
at which point i fell over laughing.
* basically what it comes down to is the 3rd cousin got a girlfriend (she's in her late 40's and has a 21 year old daughter) and then they got married. he's 5 year's older than the woman's daughter but mentally about 5 years younger. they did the whole civil court wedding thing. and, personally, i was glad not to be invited because it meant i didn't even have to come up with an excuse as to why i couldn't attend. i had a good one. it's called school.
Posted by michele at June 29, 2004 02:48 PM
Comments
i need to come live at your house and observe for a little while…could be quite an experience…too funny.
Posted by: ady at June 29, 2004 03:32 PM
Posted by: Jolie at June 29, 2004 03:44 PM
well, if you bring seth green, you are welcome.
who am i kidding, you’d be welcome anyway.
p.s. dammit! you were IN MY HOUSE and i still forgot to give you that book about how the irish saved civilization. argh! nuala never gave me your address so i could mail it. it’s sitting on the bookshelf waiting to go and everything. maybe i never emailed her asking for your address. this could very well be true. as a side note, i later bragged to kristen that you came into my apartment to use my bathroom and kristen made the jealous face and i preened. it’s like the queen coming to visit or something. i’m going to rest on my i-had-a-bathroom-that-ady-could-use laurels for a long time to come.
Posted by: michele at June 29, 2004 03:49 PM
shane snorting coke would go over great at christmas. sadly she only has relationships with middle-aged, married women. i’ve got a ways to go.
Posted by: michele at June 29, 2004 03:51 PM
It’s true. You’ve got a good point there.
Kristen could loan you gene? He’s an actual biker dude. And I’ve never seen him snort coke - so if he does, he’s at least sneaky enough to keep it from your family. He might be gay though.…a possibility which may or may not be problematic.
Posted by: Jolie at June 29, 2004 04:00 PM
no, no, i’ll take shane. she’s definite gay, and i can work with that.
i would like to thank you too for offering her to me as a solution in the first place. because i am always on the look-out for another reason to obsess over shane.
Posted by: michele at June 29, 2004 04:18 PM
Posted by: Jolie at June 29, 2004 04:58 PM
i didn’t know i was such a welcome house guest! that’s very exciting.…don’t worry Kristen, I promise to visit next time i am in town and hopefully i will have Seth for Michele so if you would like a specific boy toy, please let me know now so i can plan their kidnapping.
Posted by: ady at June 30, 2004 08:02 AM
Posted by: michele at June 30, 2004 09:07 AM
good call, i have enough creeps in my life, no need for more, they are already to hard to juggle - thank you!!!
Posted by: ady at June 30, 2004 09:14 AM
What kind of cousin are you, if you were invited you could have came up with an excuse that I would have belived, I was in school and I still showed up. But then again I was only 4 hours away, I couldn’t think of an excuse that would have gotten me out go there. It was fun still and was nice to see some of the family.
Posted by: James at July 2, 2004 10:49 AM
yes but i was in school AND had a job AND it was much further away.
i am a bad cousin though. that much i’ll accept.
but i’ll see you this weekend. and almost everyone else. (we must eat smores, james. we must.)
Posted by: michele at July 2, 2004 10:55 AM
Posted by: didofoot at July 2, 2004 11:04 AM
Posted by: michele at July 2, 2004 11:39 AM
Posted by: didofoot at July 2, 2004 12:29 PM
Posted by: michele at July 2, 2004 12:31 PM
Posted by: erica at July 3, 2004 02:46 PM
no with peter pan.
i was sitting here trying to think of a tactful place to put you on the train. as i was on it first, i should be the conductor. but then if you are in the back, that is the caboose. and i want the caboose too. and the dining car is where you munch, and the sleeping car is where you sleep, i don’t know where to put you on the shane train in my brain. how do you feel about tied to the track, under the wheels? still though, tied up and under is none too shabby.
Posted by: michele at July 6, 2004 04:06 PM
if erica doesn’t call dibs on her spot soon, can i have it? i’m a-ok with being tied up under the shane train. hot.
Posted by: Jolie at July 8, 2004 03:56 PM
you do get second choice after me for sure, jolie. well really, you get first choice with shane. i just get first choice on katherine moennig. not that we really get any choices at all. and not that i would actually want to be anywhere near someone who smokes that constantly, no matter how hot.
Posted by: michele at July 8, 2004 04:01 PM
ewe, I had forgotten about all of the smoking. Somehow, her hotness had blinded me to it.
Can I just say - I just did a google images search for Ms. Moennig - and it is beyond my comprehension that she is supposed to be straight. If there ever was an exemplary exhibit of hotness that was meant for other women to devour like tasty tasty candy - it is her. (minus the smoking).
Posted by: Jolie at July 8, 2004 04:22 PM
Posted by: Jacqueline citro at March 5, 2007 06:00 AM