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June 14, 2006
built-in and battery-free
in college erica worked with an autistic kid. as the infamous story goes, she would constantly be yelling "HANDS!" at this girl because the girl was all the time with the mastubatory experimentation.
dogs don't have hands. and if i yelled "TONGUE" at her, she might touch me with it. i really, REALLY, want to avoid that.
i'm currently house-sitting in oakland with 2 hyperactive dogs in a tiny apartment. it's basically my own personal hell. but add to that then the fact that one of the dogs is CONTINUOUSLY masturbating, and you've got like 7th level hell here, people.
all right--at least level 2 with the other sexual offenders.
i told kristen tonight at baseball about the self-licking dog. she regarded me baffled and was all naively, "but how do you KNOW she's masturbating." under my fuzzy hat, i awarded her an unflinchingly honest peek into my voyeuristic trauma, "because of the sounds she makes and the way she moves while orgasming."
my life? it sucks.
Posted by michele at June 14, 2006 10:21 PM
Comments
1 - my apologies about the dogs. i wasn’t aware of the mastubatory tendencies or i would have warned you.
2 - it was actually me who had to yell “HANDS!” all the time. the kid would always pretend he was going to read on the carpet, but he was really going to wank - so i made a deal with him that he could read as long as i could see his hands.
3 - which dog is the wanker so i can avoid any dog kisses hello next time i visit
Posted by: Jolie at June 14, 2006 11:31 PM
Posted by: michele at June 14, 2006 11:54 PM
is this the v. monologues jolie we know and love? come on, girl, masturbation is beautiful in humans OR animals. support izzy’s freedom to express her sexuality and let her kiss you hello.
on the other hand, ew.
Posted by: didofoot at June 15, 2006 11:46 AM
Posted by: Matt at June 20, 2006 01:23 PM