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October 29, 2003
texas chainsaw massacre
GROOOOOOSSSSS. like boogers. only worse.
but if a movie's main appeal seems to be watching the girl from 7th heaven's midsection and ass parade around and run screaming from the ugly skin diseased boy then right on, movie, you have done your job and done it well. wear that shitty mtv movie award for best bellybutton with PRIDE.
i liked the hicks nature of the texan family who we "met" in this movie. they were brilliantly rendered. i've never seen the original, so i can't say how they compared. were they as good? i really liked them.
i think i was less scared of this movie than i should have been due to the fact that i had just watched eliza dushku in wrong turn get chased around by inbred freaks in west virginia. that movie was so sick. i was shuddering in disgusted horror for the whole latter half of it. i mean, inbreeding is just not a pretty sight. especially when they get all violent and hoot like monkeys. i'm sorry, i digressed into reviewing another movie there. texas chainsaw massacre, yes, not that good. not that scary. pretty stomach. the end.
Posted by michele at 07:05 PM | Comments (0)
October 27, 2003
squeamish?
lately, my home life seems to revolve around puke. i realize that this is an entirely unsavory subject, but i feel the need to vent about it a little and then move on.
you'd think that while snug in your bed you're safe from such things as wild parties happening across the hall and waking up to the sounds of retching from the bathroom next door. or at least, you could imagine this would not be the case outside of a college dorm room or frat house. such is not the case in my household though. we could be a frat house for all we don't really resemble ones' members. however, this weekend has really taken the cake.
on saturday, much to my startled surprise an incredibly attractive biker showed up at my front door. i was alone in the house at the time, though if i had been on the phone with gene i'm sure he would have been yelling in my ear about the scary factor of door-to-door salesmen, UPS men, and girl scouts as he did early in the week when a man selling fish and meat came along looking to huff and puff and blow my house down. this curvaceous and stoic biker though was looking for my brother so they could commence the milk drinking contest. for those unaware what this constitutes, let me explain to your eternal dismay. everyone gets a gallon of milk. you drink your gallon. first person to puke loses. last person to puke wins. this is, i must say, a beautiful example of the genius of rebellious youth in action.
luckily for our pseudo-frat house they went to a public park to undertake this immensely juvenile pursuit.
last night, i returned from the copious belly-filling of the cheesecake factory to be surprised by a friend of my brother's dragging me out of the computer chair and into the bathroom to look at his vomit. he was both drunk and high and after convincing him that in fact he was not vomiting up blood and to the contrary it was merely chunks of tomatoes and red peppers (i don't even want to know what he was eating) i escaped to my room and refused to leave it again that night.
now sure, my house isn't burning down so i have little in truth to complain about, but i'm thinking maybe we should move some of these milk drinking contests closer to the fire and test their extinguishing capabilities.
Posted by michele at 03:15 PM | Comments (12)
October 17, 2003
happy birthday, piggy
24 is not my favorite number, but 17 is. and since you'll only be 24 for a year but your birthday will be on the 17th forever, i feel that is ok.
piggy, it's been a long hard road to this day. there were molls, sidekicks, tupperware, spun sugar, and slop, but in the end you've made it to this ripe old age of sort of an inbetween indiscriminate number and nature. so good on you. liven up this birthday year and never forget your ignominious pig-sake roots.
love,
muppet
Posted by michele at 12:26 PM | Comments (8)
October 16, 2003
under the tuscan sun
my mom just kept complaining about how this movie is nothing like the book. never having read the book i have no opinion on that. it had a cute kitten, pretty italian countryside, and some good supporting character parts (her gay best friend pattie and the polish guy named pawel). it wasn't great or anything and the woman's mid-life depression was both depressing and irritating, but for a movie i saw for free i'm not going to complain. well except for the ending which was contrived and stupid. i could complain about that. plus the platitudes and the culture stereotypes. and the fellini references. heh. and i'm not a huge diane lane fan. neither do i have anything against her though. she does have nice cheekbones. this movie is relatively unremarkable in the end though. it's not bad. it's not great. it's kind of useless.
Posted by michele at 05:23 PM | Comments (0)
intolerable creulty
for a coen brother film this movie was a let-down. george clooney plays the same character he always plays. only in this one instead of being obsessive about his hair as he was in o brother he was constantly messing with his teeth. kim told me that they were trying to copy some old-style movies and yeah, ok they sort of were, but (and this is the crucial but) they kind of updated too much and as an homage it wasn't all that compelling.
this movie was ok, but no gem.
Posted by michele at 05:14 PM | Comments (1)
but then there were popoki* look-a-likes
currently my cat mooser poosers (sorry kati, i know i have weird cat names) is looking a little frankenstein-esque. this could be due to the conehead, but i think in large part should be laid at the backdoor, ie her little caboose, which has 7 staples in it. apparently second buttholes are "in." i can think of no other explanation. you would not believe the number of times i had to use the phrase, "yeah, it's to the left of her anus," yesterday. and each time, my tenderest sensibilities shriveled a little. there's something about the word "anus" that is indestructibly dirty. this could be both literally and figuratively i guess. unless maybe you have one of those bidet things. but even then, i mean come on, "anus." it's just no good.
* popoki means cat in hawaiian. it is also the name of a former cat of my mom's. don't say i never taught you nothing. they have 4 tortoise shell 3.5 month old kittens at the vet's up for adoption that look just like our popo. i almost got one. it was a close call before i convinced myself that 3.5 month old kittens are just not kitteny enough.
i also thought of taking a picture of mooser's new anus but decided against it, because as robyn says, animal pictures are lame. also, in this case--exploitative. you dirty sickos.
Posted by michele at 05:08 PM | Comments (0)
October 10, 2003
jason, who art my savior
last night after the weekly pub crawled, kim, jason, and i returned to my car only to discover that it was fully inoperable due to the massively flat rear tire. kim abandoned me with full permission to go home, but jason and i sat and waited in the car for a tow truck to come for 45 minutes. in the meanwhile we were roundly observed by unfriendly eyes on all sides. the laundromat thru whose window we flung the injured tire at the close of the evening had shady dealings and old chinese women in nighties. the russians on the cell phone who we pinged with nut bolts till they ran shrieking in recriminatory abasement were at first a trifle circularly ambulating suspicious. in the end though, it was the pure joy at watching someone else do what we should have been able to do ourselves with only the proper tools, proper know-how, and super strength that was the crux of the evening. an evening which i will never forget. thanks to jason, my savior.
Posted by michele at 06:45 PM | Comments (10)
kill bill: volume 1
in case anyone was considering whether or not to see this movie and remained undecided, let me clear up your dilemna. get your ass in gear and go see it. holy fuck it is amazing. the cinematography, the fight scenes, the acting, the variety of film styles used, the music, oh man. it is unbelievable. it is so good. i can't even talk about it. all i can do is recommend the seeing of it and the railing over the fact that volume 2 doesn't come out till february.
things which were amazing:
the animation sequence (particularly "whimper")
the fight between the bride and the yakuza (the blood! the switch to b/w!)
lucy liu
uma thurman
the beginning
the cliffhangy end
the editing
the obvious planning and forethought which went into each section/chapter
Posted by michele at 06:38 PM | Comments (14)
jacob, today you are a man
happy birthday, jacob!
i was going to upload all these pictures from sophomore year and make a little picture story for you for your birthday. but now i am too lazy. sorry sorry. bad friend here.
anyway, i have lived with you for three years total now out of the 6.5 years we've known one another and although i hate your cat, i like you. which is why i'm wishing you a happy birthday and the very best and hope you have an excellent time at the beach with your darling girlfriend, (you lucky bastard). also i hope you pass your science rite of passage thing with flying marks. that would be pants mark on a broomstick. i hope he serenades you outside the classroom window. and maybe then you can throw an eraser at him or something. or your cat. because who would want that? not me.
happy birthday, jack-bo!
Posted by michele at 10:25 AM | Comments (11)
October 08, 2003
happy 25th birthday, erica
our freshman year of college we bonded over your desire for sam and my desire for someone to replace rachel in the basement.
our sophomore year we bonded over your desire for sam and my desire for kittens.
our junior year is kind of hazy, but i think we bonded over your growing disgust of sam and my continued desire for kittens.
our senior year you went gay and i had a breakdown in the face of bi!!'s g-to-the-ig.
first year post school we had bubble boy, dude where's my car, and a plethora of WB shows.
second year post school you moved away.
and now here we are third year post school and you're turning 25 (SO OLD 5 years till thirty) and what has really changed? no one speaks of sam anymore, i have too many kittens, you're still gay, buffy got cancelled, i still have issues over g^the-ig, and you've moved again.
the question is, what will next year bring? i foresee a resurgence of sam. i think he will move to the bay area, as everyone and francesco has done, and you will run into him and then...and then...well, really he probably still looks like a dorrito , and has only man breasts so you will more than likely dismiss him from your path. perhaps g^the-ig will coincidentally arrive and be gay and then bill will pop up from the woodwork where he has been hiding all this while and assault you. he has it in him. manic-y. i'll get another kitten (oh please, oh please). AND dude, where's my car 2 will come out. one can dream.
happy birthday kooky wild child.
Posted by michele at 12:38 PM | Comments (2)
October 04, 2003
school of rock
jack black rocks. ok, this movie is beyond childish but it's really quite good. i mean, sure jack black's character 'dewey finn' is a bit of an ass, but the kids are so fucking adorable. and the whole concept is so great. plus it's rocking.
story: jb gets kicked out of his band and has no money while his roommate, a substitute teacher, is demanding the rent. he takes a call for said roomie and pretends to be him to get a subbing job at a prestigious private school. there he finds out the kids are all classically trained on various instruments and he sets up the classroom to teach them about rock n roll. in order to get back at his bandmates who kicked him out he enters himself and the kids in the "battle of the bands" contest. blah blah blobbity blah
so many moments in this movie are just pure funny. i was giggling pretty much the whole time. admittedly, not many people that i know would appreciate this movie, but it is basically appealing to all ages and keeps jack black within circumscribed limits so that it can remain good wholesome fun.
the best part about this movie is definitely the kids. they are amazing. and soooo funny. there's one, who jack black calls 'fancy pants', who is the token gay kid. he is fucking sweet. he gets to be the band's 'stylist', although no one agrees with his flashy glitter rock style. he also calls jack black 'tacky', which was a wonderful moment for all concerned. then there's the lead guitarist who is incredibly talented and also very silly when learning how to properly make facial expressions while strumming. summer, the band's manager, is this anal retentive little girl who is completely bossy but still adorable and has the brilliant idea which gets them into the 'battle of the bands' (they all pretend to be terminally ill). freddy, the drummer, even lies down on the ground because that is how dedicated he is to faking illness, and boy howdy is he ever serious about being punk. the singers have lovely voices, the groupies tart themselves up nicely and take 'adoring the band' very seriously.
with so many people in the movie and all the kids being together with jack black in almost every scene, it was hard for things to be distinguished. but the director gives you time to take in everything that is going on in the foreground, background, left, right. which is good. since it gives one time to fully appreciate what everyone is doing while taking it all in as a whole. there's usually little absurd things going on in pockets which are great fun to catch.
joan cusack as the principal is an inspired choice. jack black is greatly asinine. and the kids steal the show. plus their song is catchy.
Posted by michele at 10:41 AM | Comments (4)
October 01, 2003
spike spike spike tonight
Posted by michele at 10:32 PM | Comments (11)