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April 27, 2005
KDJ's bodyguard Part 2: Being a Bag-check Girl is a Slight Let-down.
University of San Francisco
Kim Dae Jung Visit and Award Ceremony
3:48pm--Preparation
Head Worker: Put a golf pencil on each chair.
Michele: ...
Head Worker: Where'd she go?
Volunteer: She ran off with the golf pencils.
Michele: MUAH-HA-HA-HA!!
4:00pm--Assigned a Station
Head Worker: Just take their bags and put the clothespin on it and give them the other one.
Michele: Yeah, it's not rocket science, I think I've got it.
Guest: Do I have to give you my bag?
Michele: Yes. Is your wallet in this pocket?
4:12pm--Trouble Arises
DIC: Have you heard any ticking?
Michele: Ha. Ha. Ha.
DIC: Keep up the good work.
Ninja: What a dick.
4:33pm--I Decide to Organize the Bags by Number
Volunteer: Are you a little anal?
Ninja: Ninja Face Explosion Kick!
Volunteer: My nose!
Michele: Thanks, Ninja.
Ninja: Anything for you, Michele.
4:52pm--The Ninja and I Decide to Elope
Ninja: Do you want to get married?
Michele: Do you think my hat is stupid?
Ninja: No.
Michele: Yes.
5:47pm--Released to Attend Lecture
Father Privett: blah blah blah, my hero.
Kim Dae Jung: Germany blah blah Germany blah Germany! blah blah blah Germany.
Translator: I lead a double life.
Ninja: The tension is killing me.
Michele: I really have to pee.
7:01pm--Giving Back Bags
Michele: I totally didn't steal anything.
Guest: What?
Michele: From your bag. I didn't rifle through it.
DIC: Do I hear ticking?
Guest: I've been framed!
Michele: (the sound of rapidly disappearing footsteps, maniacal laughter, and the rattling of a box of golf pencils.)
7:33pm--My Life is Complete
Krysten: Excellent, Michele! Do you want all these left-over petit-fours and a flower arrangement?
Michele: YES.
Ninja: Super Sweet.
Posted by michele at 09:05 AM | Comments (6)
April 26, 2005
in training to be kim dae jung's bodyguard
April 25, 2005
University of San Francisco
3:00pm--Orientation
Person-in-Charge (PIC): Are those tattoos? You're OUUUTTTTTAAAAA here!
Michele: Dick-in-charge.
3:05pm--Loud Crashing Noises
Kim Dae Jung (KDJ): Who are you?
Michele: I'm your new bodyguard. Hi-ya, Ninja!
Ninja: I am hurt.
PIC (internal monologue aside): Hmm, maybe we should hire her.
Michele (mind-reading): DIC.
KDJ (internal monologue aside): I like that tattoo. Maybe I should get a tattoo.
Michele (mind-reading): The Sunshine Policy is still retarded.
3:08pm-3:30pm--Incredibly Boring Speech About Duties
PIC: Some of you will guard these bathrooms in case the president--former president, i mean--needs to use them. The rest of you will ask people to open their purses and you will look inside. Don't touch anything though! Just see if there's any guns or round black balls with smoking wicks.
Michele (aside to fellow bodyguards): We should put a wick in the DIC.
Fellow Bodyguards: *snickering*
PIC (looking harried): What's so funny? What? What?
Ninja: Excuse me, I think I'm bleeding a little...
Michele: Ninja CHOP!
Ninja: Oof.
Stay tuned for the event itself, happening today from 3:45-7pm.
Posted by michele at 09:49 AM | Comments (11)
April 25, 2005
fuck-face died.
Posted by michele at 09:17 PM
April 14, 2005
gloating
i spent the morning at work looking up hotels in athens and istanbul online. and now i feel the need to share the pretty pictures.
the hotel i will be staying in while visiting athens is a semi-fancy-pants art hotel that looks like this:
more pictures here.
and in istanbul, i'll be staying in a semi-hostel (but with a private room and bath) here:
more pictures here.
it's pretty exciting to actually have plane tickets and (now) 2 places to stay. now i only need to find places to stay on lesbos, rhodes, crete, santorini, and london.
Posted by michele at 01:34 PM | Comments (2)
April 11, 2005
in threes
the girl who guards the gate knows my name. only my last name, but still. kim dae jung is coming to see me. the sunshine policy is retarded, but kim dae jung is still a nobel peace prize winner. the woman who works the cash register at the rite aid in downtown pleasant hill wears bunny fur in a muff around her neck. she works at rite-aid and flaunts silvered gray bunny fur.
i am bored today at work and a little tired from mini-mao. who knew being social would be so much fun?
Posted by michele at 02:46 PM | Comments (6)
April 06, 2005
$$$
i just spent $3300 on my mom's credit card and $180 on mine. i'm exhausted. but i now have tickets to coachella, tickets to london, and tickets to greece.
baby, i'm a spending fool.
Posted by michele at 02:17 PM | Comments (9)
April 01, 2005
i totally don't have a bulge. that was a lie.
there was a black widow spider on my car this morning! i noticed it when i got to school, clinging determinedly to the window on the driver's side. for a while, once i parked, i stared at it in horror wondering how i could get out of the car without being bitten and dying. finally i did it all in one swift movement, got the left blinky-lighty-up shoe out of the trunk and smashed it dead. i felt a little bad because it was so intrepid and resourceful to cling to the window with a bit of bum-web, but black widow! scary!
does this mean my garage is full of black widows? my apartment? this odd bulge on my neck which, urban myth style, will bust open and release a torrent of tiny baby black widows?!?!
i feel itchy all over.
addedendum: few new pictures from colorado and few new pictures from when katherine was visiting.
Posted by michele at 09:12 AM | Comments (20)