Monthly Archives: February 2003

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happy birthday, john!

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Categories: General

welp, 26 is finally here. shit you’re old. and, i’ve got to say, you’ve come a long way from impressionable curly haired cherub to drunken fiancee impromptu-ly holding a little scrap of paper with a scribbled “2” tacked on to the heartfelt “i *heart* you” message from katherine. there were times when i despaired of you ever making it to china (still waiting for that to happen really). at first i thought, “yeah, he’s hella smart with that wheelbarrow and plastic shovel. he’s bound to break on thru to the other side one of these days. while adam will probably sit there puzzling over which end goes into the ground for the next 20 years.” sadly though you merely became a disillusioned hoodlum with time to kill and the will to kill to it in the most bizarre and obscure body and facial movements you could come up with. there was also that brief period where you attempted an unaffected sweet disposition. you never fooled me though. at heart i know you and i will always be planning that next prank and executing it with glee. and for this, my penultimate side-splitter pulled on you: (please don’t kill me. i can’t stop myself.) happy birthday in your birthday suit!

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bearer of sad tidings

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Categories: General

i have the downlow skivvy news which is bad.

so coachella booths are FIFTEEN HUNDRED DOLLARS for 2 days for a 10 X 10 booth. and you only get 3 free passes. THREE. that’s pathetic! i want to cry. pretty much this shoots down all our little hopes for getting in free. and for selling stylus gear.

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“rock out with your cock out!” ….?

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Categories: General

sweet jesus. so yesterday on the drive home nuala was telling me about how dvd depot down the street of which i wrote about before now has commercials on the television starring my erstwhile suitor. apparently i have missed out on being the someone of someone famous.

hmmm so i just searched my page for me writing about the whole dvd depot thing. and i swear to god i had written about it, but apparently not. ok so once i went in there and the guy asked me if i had a boyfriend and i, horrified, said yes so as to circumvent having to go on a date with him. yes i LIED. this description makes the entire sequence of events sound very boring. it would be a lot better if i could find a picture of him or if any of you have seen the commercial.

sadly i have not seen their commercial but nuala assures me it’s horrific. and i did find their webpage online where you can listen to the current promotional ad of a free porn dvd with a certain level of purchase. good fucking times.

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evil scheming manipulative

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Categories: General

well ok. not so much evil since really i’m working to benefit the good of all. i just called a certain someone named shalyce. yes. at the goldenvoice headquarters to ask about getting a booth at coachella. how much it would cost, if vendors got in free, and if they did…how many could get in free. =) brilliant. it’s very possible depending on cost of booth that we could all pretend to be working for stylus clothing and spend a couple of hours manning the booth in order to pay a seriously discounted entry fee. ie, stylus dj wear is broke so they can’t pay for booth rental. but if we all split the cost and got in free i bet we could pay less than $140 for tickets! and all we’d have to do in exchange would be to sell some shirts. we could do that! i had to leave a message because she wasn’t there but maybe i will hear back soon. i’ll keep you posted, loyal coachella fans.

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i mock you, codeine challenged.

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Categories: General

once again i have triumphed against my personal nemesis: the doctor. and what have i come away with? oh YES. a prescription for codeine flavored cough syrup. it does not GET any better than this, my ineffectual little friends who have no codeine. and how did i get said nectar of the gods? sniveling. yes. i pleaded. i complained about lack of sleep. and constant coughing. tied it all in to the depression of having pink colored eyes and how i wasn’t sure if it was worth it go on living without something to numb the pain. and from all this hard work i was rewarded with ample gifts.

1) eyedrops to make the evil pink eye go away.

2) codeine to brighten up the darkest cough filled night.

and 3) antibiotics.

because apparently what i actually have is acute bronchitis. acute fucking bronchitis. this is bullshit! how the fuck did i get so sick? why must i whinge about it day in and day out to all of you uncaring healthy bastards? i didn’t really get the codeine on my own tactics enhanced merit. oh nooooo, it was cause she listened to my chest and said, “holy hot damn, girl. it’s a wonder you’re still ambulatory under your own steam.”

and now i face the truly perplexing situation of HOW TO GET MY HANDS ON THE DRUGS? i’ve never had to go to the pharmacy before. and mom won’t be home till 4. and i really am just not sure how to proceed here. so most likely what will happen is i will go into the fun room and watch more atrocious movies. although never again will i sink as low as i did yesterday and watch something of the likes of “the master of disguise.” fuck me. that was bad. eventually mom will come home. and then the codeine will be mine, all mine.

eeeeeee…….tasty……mmmmmm…….

it’s kind of like how i am with the sweet potatos and the spatula and your face. only in this situation it’s the codeine and a spoon and still your face bearing the brunt of the silver beating. oh yes. mine all mine.

i am NOT a drug addict. i am not a drug addict.

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shameless non-self narcissism.

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Categories: General

i think we should all learn a lesson here in how jacob’s digi is nicer than my digi. le sigh. “it’s french.” hopeless abandon.

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and now i’m going to go back to being horrendously sick. and imagining the world without buildings or people or futures as all this talk of war and politics is bringing me down and creating desolation amongst my blogging repertoire. well ok mostly the lack of writing is due to the ill. but whatever.

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GUEST BLOG by jason

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Categories: General

(Editor’s note: to see the first installment in the snow trilogy(?perhaps there will be more?) click on more and read it all. most of you probably got it in an email yesterday anyway. end note.)

Dethroned

Well, okay, maybe I jumped the gun a bit when I accepted the anointment from the council of elders (actually it was three stuffed animals and a bottle of Cortizone). It turns out that snow was just conning me, playing me for a fool. A very very cold fool. It continued to snow through Sunday night and all yesterday and even some of today. I spent the better part of yesterday and this morning shoveling the previously mentioned driveway (it goes on for daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaays. It�s like �Roots.�) I had to be at an interview at nine this morning, and I thought I would be fine. I put so much of my sweat and tears and bile into that driveway (Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaays!) that I couldn�t even imagine the car not accepting the hard work I put in. I was wrong, of course, and the car kept spitting up snow and bile but not budging. Also, every time I would try to leave the garage, the car (which is a van, not a car) would scrape the roof. I didn�t understand at the time why this was happening, but the snow was still so high outside that it was pushing the van far into the sky. So I get out and call the people at the interview to say I may be a half-day late and put another excruciating hour of work and bile into the driveway (the length of which is like the coastline of New Hampshire if it were an island). After that hour I was shoveling out more bile than snow, so FINALLY the lady next door�who had a snow blower thing and didn�t really look like she wanted to share it�gets all friendly and neighborly and says, �Oh, would you like to use the blower?� I said yes, even though I was practically done by that point (I couldn�t turn down the opportunity to use a snow blower. I highly recommend the experience, by the way). But then when I get the car out of the garage finally, the mechanical door won�t close properly, so I try to make it go back up, and it doesn�t want to do that either. So I get out and help it. In the final analysis, I didn�t really end up helping it so much as send a heavy rain of glass shattering on the floor. Yep, broke it. Some of the structure of the door, too, though I sort of pieced it back together after getting out all of the glass. I don�t feel too bad about it, though, considering the cards were all stacked against me, meteorologically speaking. But I do guess it�s partly my fault for not diagnosing the problem of the car hitting the roof quickly enough. It certainly doesn�t help my guilt that my aunt and uncle should be getting my email about the door right after the message about her brother being dead. No joke�the other brother called me to see what the best way to get a hold of her was.

On the more positive end of the spirit stick, I got a job as a preschool teacher. I went today (four hours late, after having to navigate the vast tundra of my driveway in reverse. I couldn�t turn around, it�d be like turning around on a bobsledding track) and got the position immediately, and then immediately thereafter met the most adorable children in the world, and then immediately thereafter was totally bored by my responsibilities there, but then was immediately thereafter ecstatic to learn that only the female employees could change diapers�Yeah, arbitrariness!

That�s it. Love Jason

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