April 3, 2003 by

best email correspondance of the day (and it’s only noon!)

9 comments

Categories: General

From him:

As for inadvertently beguiling unsuspecting women, it may be too late. I don't know what I'm doing wrong (or right depending upon your point of view), but my seemingly irresistable farm-boy charm has gotten me into a bit of a predicament. After deciding to try my hand at being single for a while, I've suddenly got two girls that are both expressing a desire to get involved. I've been on a couple dates with both, and they're each fun to hang out with, but I wouldn't say I'm ready to get into a real heavy relationship with either. Lately the time spent with each has become a little more stressful because they've both begun to express concern about the fact that I'm spending time with the other. Basically I really like hanging out with both of them, but don't see a way out of this situation that won't result in one or both of them being pissed off at me. If I choose one, the other will probably stop speaking to me. Telling both of them that I'm not interested means I'll have to stop speaking to both of them. From my standpoint continuing to go out on dates with both of them would be ideal, but I have a hunch that would probably lead to one or both not speaking to me once the dates involve more than dinner, dancing, and a good-night kiss if you know what I mean. What do you think, is there a way to make this work out that isn't going to leave me looking like a jerk and/or not having any girls to talk to?

-Sought-after in Virgina Beach

From me:

Dear Sought-after,

The obvious answer to your predicament is to expand your horizons on the sexual front.� Perhaps you do not need my encouragement to do this--perhaps you have, in fact, already been sexually promiscuous in a threesome situation.� What I suggest is to introduce the two girls to each other, explain to them how sexy they both are, and how great it would be to see them naked in bed together.� Of course make sure to also emphasize the fact that you will be there to hold their hands, and whatever else they would like to put in your reach, thru this difficult transition from dating an irresistible farm-boy to having sex with 2 people at the same time.� Please let me know how it turns out, and as ever, be sure to capture all the best bits on film (still or video, i'm not picky).

Sincerely,

Dear Abby

do i even know this person? no i do not. so really the title of this post should incorporate something about how this is the most indirect (intermediary being marina), convoluted (who’s confused? i’m confused?) email correspondance of the day. i’m rather wondering what will happen next. marina is supposed to keep me informed. (*editor’s note: i just learned that marina and mark, [has anyone else noticed that the SD couples have the same first initials? well mark/marina, jesse/jenny. i guess not robyn/ash, although we could change ash to rash. but he prob wouldn’t appreciate that], suck.)

marina’s advice to this chuck guy was, “pick the hot one. you don’t want to look at a fugly all night.” (paraphrased) mind you, she had a whole spiel first about being honest with them (about the relationship not about how fugly they are). honest schmonest. i vote threesome.

chuck_catfish.jpg

9 Responses to best email correspondance of the day (and it’s only noon!)

  1. marina

    goodheavens girl. i can’t believe you actually posted it. now, the real question is whether or not I send this link to mark…

  2. marina

    Am I going to be in trouble if they start posting on your page? hmm, just think, new additions to the cementhorizon universe. the more the merrier, right?

  3. michele

    i will eat it! i’ll eat it and like it!

    case in point:

    in this situation, what should the male do?

    he should gently cajole the females into eating each other out. after all, that anger might as well be turned into sexual release, right? maybe it’s good that mark sent chuck this page. i can be full of good examples.

  4. marina

    I’m not really sure that last comment helped your case any. why don’t you stop making wanton references to your mouth? sicko.

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