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May 30, 2003
boy say ew
sometimes i marvel at the things i write about on this here blog. sometimes i'm shocked at how honest i can be to an internet full of strangers and also even to my own friends. i'm 24 years old and a couple days ago, for the first time in my menstruating life, i wore a tampon.
the whole day my entire body was concentrated on my vaginal passage. the whole day i was concerned that it was either falling out or the string was going to get sucked inside. i was convinced that it was going to cause toxic shock syndrome as the outside of the box promised it might. i had no idea what toxic shock would feel like but decided it might involve the cramping angryness of my pelvic muscles that wanted to push push push that cotton ball right out.
of course when i finally did take it out i came to the swift realization that nothing other than severe tugging of the safety line would dislodge it and that the inner shelf was just not big enough for it to pass through in comfort and ease. which i suppose really is the whole point.
how does the moronic adage that beauty is pain apply here? how can something so uncomfortable which didn't make me feel even slightly more beautiful really be considered an indispensable item to the women of today? fuck it for a lark anyway, give me an anal dildo a la 'carrie's story' any day. seriously though, i'm curious what THAT feels like now. it can't possibly be good.
Posted by michele at May 30, 2003 12:15 PM
Comments
Nyah hah hah hah hah hah!! **snort** (wipes tears from eyes, climbs back into chair, looks around at co-workers who are staring coldly)
You’re priceless, Michele.
Posted by: kati at May 30, 2003 02:15 PM
Posted by: michele at May 30, 2003 02:27 PM
Posted by: kati at May 30, 2003 03:50 PM
the first time i tried a tampon i read the TSS warning fastidiously and i remember it said one of the symptons of TSS is queasiness…i definately felt queasy but i think that’s just a by-product of shoving a foreign object into a delicate oriface, especially for the first time.
you get used to it, and i think the “beautiful” feeling comes from not wearing something that feels like a squishy phone book shoved between your legs.
Posted by: jade at May 30, 2003 04:03 PM
snicker. i feel just fine.
in other news:
whirling lights! confetti! YOU, kati voluntine, are the TWO THOUSANDTH commentor on sushi. and what do you win? what but oh what? absolutely nothing! yeyeyeyeyeyey!!
Posted by: michele at May 30, 2003 04:03 PM
although i like the squishy phone book analogy, i have to say i’ve never experienced that sensation from a pad.
Posted by: michele at May 30, 2003 04:05 PM
yippee! I win the imaginary sushi comment prize! I am not a loser. I am a winner!
I never really minded wearing pads .. but once I was able to do the tampon thing it was more convenient at times. Like you, Michele, I waited a good long time before I gave it a try. And much like both you and jade, I was pretty damn convinced I was going to die for most of that first time. Oddly enough, though, I did not die.
Posted by: kati at May 30, 2003 04:39 PM
Posted by: holohan at May 30, 2003 05:55 PM
ok, ok, i see how it is. it’s a huge gynodynamic comment-fest until the person with testicles makes a post, and then everyone runs for cover. well men can celebrate menstruation too, damn you! i learned menstruation forwards backwards and upside-down for the AP biology test. when i was a child i would watch commercials for pads and tampons and worry about which brands were the best. open your minds, ladies. i had prostate exams, too. can we talk about that?
Posted by: holohan at May 30, 2003 10:10 PM
shit holohan, a girl leaves work, goes to the movies, out to dinner, and bowling and you’re convinced she’s AVOIDING you and your testicles? silly holohan, dicks are for chicks. seriously though, you worried over brands? frrrrreak. i’ve never worried over brands. i always buy the same brand. i have never deviated. sometimes the colors of the wrappers change. like last month they were peach but now they are light green. once they were this very regal dark purple. i get a lot of enjoyment out of my wrappings. it’s like a present several times a day!
Posted by: michele at May 30, 2003 11:44 PM
So why hadn’t you tried one before (fear of TSS? fear of sticking stuff inside you?) and why did you start the other day? (cute outfit? experimental urges?)
-G
Posted by: gene at May 31, 2003 07:54 AM
I was always a little freaked out my my ballerina/swimmer friends who were using them by like age 10. But I mean, when you’re in a leotard, well I guess you just gotta do it. Heh heh, leotard. Tard. Heh heh.
Posted by: kati at May 31, 2003 10:09 AM
gene- why never before: fear of it falling out, fear of it getting stuck inside, fear of the mess factor (rather non-existant really).
why now: bathing suit/decided it was time to pluck the gumption. although i wish i had suddenly become a ballerina so i could say tard-suit. =P
Posted by: michele at May 31, 2003 11:04 AM
I actually got a C rather than a B in phys ed one year in high school because we did a swimming unit and I was too ashamed to tell the teacher about the whole period thing but also too terrified of tampons to use one and so for a whole week I just refused to participate and he thought I was willfully disobedient and hated me.
Posted by: didofoot at June 1, 2003 01:31 PM
Posted by: gene at June 1, 2003 01:55 PM