if i was five and i discovered a speculum in the house i’d probably use it as a telephone.
me: hello?
speculum-phone: bonjour.
because speculums are dirty and totally french is a dirty language. some french carnies said nasty things to me once. their adamant refusal to believe “pussy” was another word for “cat” is an example of this.
me: dirty!
speculum-phone: oui, c’est vrais. je suis un putain.
me: salope! salope!
speculum-phone: oh, the shameaux.
me: shamu? ISHMAEL!!!
maybe if i knew the word for shame in french my brain wouldn’t have gone there.
speaking seriously now, what the hell has happened to the pap smear process? admittedly my last experience was before the turn of the century. but has hovercraft technology advanced that much? it was the fastest cervix swabbing i’ve ever experienced. and there seemed to be a lot less parts to it. color me surprised.
Those are the cutest pictures ever. I’m also glad that you’re talking on a phone and not a speculum.
my shirt says sesame street! grah! how adorable is that? i never noticed that before i blew it up big on eloise.
cuuuute.