do words have power?
i have this huge mental disorder against writing anything in free air because of the possibility of some authority being able to see it, track it to me, and hurt me in some unimaginably painful way. so i have to quickly erase anything i write with my finger in the air or on a surface with the flat of my palm. fear lingers, but it’s slightly more manageable.
which makes it strange that i feel writing with a pen is perfectly ok.
tonight i went to the movies and saw xmen and wrote notes all over my left arm, hand, and right leg. my body is crawling with information and quotes. but rather than fear at the apparent blatancy of it as a provocative act to the unknown, unnamed authority; i view it as something beautiful. something which grants me power because it is my words on my body and i control them.
i used to believe in a lot of things that i no longer express; but memory awakens and lingers. i question now whether in some small measure my tattoos of neko and mizu are part of a will i can now impose. if i cover the rest of my body in the writing of symbols, what could they/i not become? will the words twine and curve with the essence of the power they cannot help but express? how is it that the blurred and scribbled, barely legible, word images and associations on my arm make it so much more magnetically intricate?
my eye is drawn in and i can feel myself falling.