May 5, 2003 by

the lizzie mcguire movie

55 comments

Categories: Movie Reviews

commence scoffing. i can so see all of you going to yourselves, “oh no. did she really go to see that? shit no, say it ain’t so. who would pay to watch a movie with hilary duff. i don’t even know the name of that girl but because i am michele’s interior self-projection monologue onto all her friends, i know the name because _I_ saw the movie. oh shit no, say it ain’t so.”

totally saw that movie. i said to myself, “self, cut out your jibber jabbering. so what that both nuala and erica, your only two hopes for company on this fool expedition, denied you. stridently. so what? don’t let them get you down, self. let’s go! hey ho!” and then i went to see it. not only that but due to my mother’s desire to procrastinate doing her homework, i got her to go AND pay for it. sch-weet. she then got completely busted by a fifth grade BOY who she used to teach at hidden valley. color her mondo-embarressed. it was adorable. he came up all shy and was like, “hi mrs. G.” and then ran away again. i laughed so hard i busted a gut. i then attempted to steal the plastic sticky ad for xmen 2 off the window. failure. defeat. sad.

but enough about me. this movie sucked ass. i can’t even tell you. wait, yes i can. there was this little cartoon feature. interspersed at all the important moments. to highlight stupid lizzie mcguire’s state of mind. it was awful.

second, you know how in the previews, the italian singer boy seems all great and hot stuff. THIS IS NOT SO. he is, in fact, a skeezy lying sleazebag. within 5 minutes of meeting him it is PATENTLY obvious that he is lying thru his teeth. but does lizzie mcguire notice this? oh nooooooooo. plus within 5 minutes of watching her best friend, gordon, you are clear on the fact that he is a stand up kind of fellow of the best sort and completely in love with her while being utterly adorable. for an 8th grader. a-hem.

everything ends up all right in the end, there’s a concert. the bad boy gets his flat singing voice due. lizzie mcguire and the italian singing girl who looks exactly like her but with brown hair wow the crowds. the parents cheer along. even the little snake in the grass brother has an all right time. and then fireworks and she kisses the best friend. ONCE. NOT ENOUGH. and he says, HE SAYS, “thanks…” and she says, ‘you’re welcome.” and michele the 24 year old gives up on pretending to be 8, stands up in the audience and demands some serious making out and slow fade on the two of them alone in bed. come ON people. kiddie porn, please. corn pone. sheesh.

the one highlight for me, (it’s going to come back to the family guy, wait for it. wait for it), is that alex borstein who does a lot of the writing and a LOT of the female voices on family guy plays lizzie’s mom. i enjoyed that.

03-CN-023-08.jpg

yes that is a large wheel of cheese.

my advice? don’t see this movie. not that any of you were going to. as was made obvious when no one would go see it with me. =P

55 Responses to the lizzie mcguire movie

  1. erica

    sorry i didn’t go see that with you. wait, ok, i’m not sorry actually. sorry i’m not sorry… ahhh!!! i can’t stop!!!! whoa! it’s wacky fun just like with lizzie mcguire!

    you would never guess that i’m dead ass tired right now, would you?

  2. O.A

    my sister made me see it with her as punishment 4 seeing the Italian Job with my friends(Seth Green is the real napster!)lol.Seth green is hot.anyway……Isnt it the most evil thing.I mean the girl likes Aaron Carter some one help her!!!!!

  3. michele

    that’s messed up. no on should like aaron carter. seth green is a god! you’ll never destroy the real napster!

    “you know why he called it napster? because i was NAPPING when he STOLE it from me.”

  4. karla

    Hi um liked the movie i really did! Um well it was good but not the best. I have a question to Hilary Duff um is it true that u quit because they’re treating you horible? I don’t need anyone eles to answer me.A lot of people say she is. It says on magizines, but my friend says that they don’t always say the truth. But who do i belive? I will think about! I only want to here this from Hilary Duff.(Witch will never happened)

  5. Jackie

    What is ya’lls problem It was not hilarys fault she is so…cool and was just doing her job and if the things that were in this movie ya’ll were griping about there would not be a movie!

    ya’ll are so rude if you don’t like her just ignor her and let her be!

    i think your just gelous!!!!!!!!!

    if you were her you would probably do the movie and not evan care or see things like that!

    you would just love the money and go back to cussing about people!

  6. Georgia

    hi everyone i really love lizzie mcguire and her movie they are the best. I really hope she bring out another movie. From georgia

  7. T.C.

    I think Hilary Duff is a talented young actress/singer but does act a little preppy. I think it was a HUGE! mistake to quit the Lizzie McGuire series/movies/sequels. She should stay with Lizzie McGuire not because of money, but because the fans want her to stay. She doesn’t know how luky she is.

  8. ellen

    Did Hilary Duff really quit cause I here she did but I heard they are going to make a whole lot of lizzie mcguire movie so whos going to play lizzie? And i dont think she should care about money 1: cause she gets paid anyway (a lot) and 2:she isn’t even an adult she shouldnt be thinking of money she should be thinking of if the people enjoy her work I mean shes funny a good singer and famous why should she through away all of that? Is it worth it? besides whos gonna play Lizzie?

  9. didofoot

    hilary if u r reading this, i just want to say i think u r the gratest, girl! u totally rocked ur way thru monicagate and stood by ur man, THA PREZIDENT, cuz u now how to keep it real girl! i am your biggest fan, good luck in new york, maybe we can meet some time!!!

  10. Laura

    I think there should be a second Lizzie Mcguire movie where Lizzie and Gordo are boyfriend and girlfriend and they should hold each other and french kiss and go out all the time that would be a cool movie for the second lizzie Mcguire.

  11. erica

    I just tried to write a totally inappropriate comment, and found i couldn’t do it. mishy, when did sushi movie reviews become a place for appropriateness? ugh. i am disgusted with myself. couldn’t even get one strap-on joke out. sheesh.

  12. Sara

    I’m sorry but tah little girl doesnt deserve being in movies she can’t act for hit let alone sing !Someone needs to stop her before she becomes a producer

  13. nathan harper

    dear lizzie mcguire why dont you make a durty movie a bout your self or show off you body

    just one time if you wont to be like britney spear

  14. YOUR MOMMA

    HILARY DUFF IS NOT GOING TO READ THIS every ever ever !!!! hilary is stupid she shouldn`t of quit the show! opps shes becomin brittany……eww

  15. Jolie

    How is it that this is the first time I�m discovering this treasure trove of inane, inappropriate discourse?

    Erica � I�m fascinated by your urge to pull a strap-on joke out of this little scenario. Frankly, I�m pretty sure it�s why I love you.

    Michele, the fact that you have provided this forum in the first place is definitely why I love you.

    Clearly, you two are the gordons of my personal teen movie. Only with more making out. Oops, did I say that?

  16. Nadiya

    If Hilary or anyone is reading this I just wanna say I am the biggest BIGGEST FAN!! of Hilary she is a great actress and singer I’m really mad that she’s not on the show Lizzie Mcuire, I wish she was. I’m hearing totally different things and I’m confused!!!Did she quit the show or did Disney have 65 episode thingy!!!I hope, maybe (probably not)she could do another series and another movie!

  17. Melanie

    Ugh, I hate Hilary Duff. I watched Making the Video for one of her songs, and I wanted to shoot her. Only I kept watching because frankly, there`s not exactly a plethora of quality English-language television shows over here.

  18. dianna

    Go now, my child, and never type like that again. It’s a crime against humanity. I think there are more things wrong with that post than there are words contained in it. Shit.

  19. gemma

    i love gordan he is stush and he is really fit i would like to meet him but that will never come true. i wathch lizzie every day it is on.And i dont like the girl who copyed off lizzies fashion.I would improve this by having no cartoon in this film.This is a really good film.

    love gordo he is stush.

  20. kati

    I thinks it’s interesting that lauren actually wrote “wiv” me m8s instead of “with”, for that was the first time I had ever seen this lower-class british colloquialism down as a written word. But clearly, using real words was not her hightest priority.

    Also, I have never heard of the word stush. After reading the definitions … I still don’t know what it means.

  21. jessica

    lizzie your movie is the best movie i ever saw in my life .Once i saw you singing i said that i really would like to she her in person because u were just great and i really like you your the best singer in the world and i hope that some day i will she you in person.

  22. iman

    hey lizzie hoe are u anyway did u actaully liked your movie.

    i meant be did you get use to it going to hollywood and is that girl true who is italian you know wat i mean all my life i was loooking for agirl who could just be my friend know one could actaully understand me tell u do hope u help my anyway hope u have a nice day.

    thanx bye and by the way im 13 yearsold

  23. Aileen

    i lover you movie it was so fantastic Hillary Duff you are so beautiful i wanna be just like you!! i realy want to meet you soo much!

  24. Sarper

    Hilary Duff can I have your Email Address because I really want to meet you and your movies are great they are my fvourite movies so plaese can I have your Email adress

  25. meza

    you are the best hilary so will you tell me where you will have your next show,how to get the tikits and last of all tell me you e-mail

    you are the best singer in the whole word and that is comeing from my heart i love you from meza age if you have free time can you call me on 07796563143

  26. Courtney Gidts

    I’ve managed to save up roughly $40680 in my bank account, but I’m not sure if I should buy a house or not. Do you think the market is stable or do you think that home prices will decrease by a lot?

  27. jason

    Courtney, you’re right to be wary of the market right now–it isn’t as stable as some might think. But the only person who can really give you the answer you’re looking for is Hillary Duff. Try to get her email address and she’ll be happy to sort things out for you.

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