last night i had a small electrical fire. this occurred when trying to get onto my new twin size bed, because i’m back to being 10. upon attempting to pull out a light plug from the wall one of the prongs snapped off and fuzed into the plug in the socket below it–prompting a brief blaze, a stench of burned plastic and metal, and a horrifying tingling in my hand. at least it’s good to know that when i die, i can be easily replaced though.
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over a month ago when fuck-face (the cat) died and i was very sad, i found a condolence letter at my mom’s house from a neighbor kid down the street. which didn’t make me feel much better about fuck-face being dead or the state of grammar today in the land of california public schools, but it did allow me a small, sad laugh. i will now transcribe it here verbatim.
FOAKO
to Karale
from Austin
foako was a good cat he loved you. foako is alwas with you and with the other cats. foako will be laning on your lap and play with you. He was a vary vary good cat and freindly cat. He was fast and quik anice. He had a culer as a rianbow and as orage as a orage. foako had eyes the coler of the oshin.
from Austin
Austin (second signature in cursive)
oh man. that’s adorable really. unless that kid is like 13.
i love that due to your family all the neighborhood kids were regularly saying ‘fuck.’ (oh.)
i don’t know how old he is. i know he’s still in grade school though and not middle school so that’s an argument against his being 13. i would say 3rd or 4th grade.
also, i scanned the plug with the prong embedded in it and posted that picture here. ha! so dangerous! now i need to buy a new alarm clock, cause fuck no am i plugging that one back in the wall.
How did you reply to him?
be careful over there missy. fires = dangerous
Eyes the color of the oshin!
Holy crap, you need a licence to drive a car and catch a fish, but they let cuteness like that go unregulated.