recently i developed the idea that it might be cool to apply for some college scholarships. self, i said, maybe you should stop mooching off your mom and write an essay or something.
so one day while at work, presumably working, i searched around on the internet for scholarships which would be applicable to me. and what i found was the FBI Common Knowledge Quiz. the fbi will give me money?, i said to my self, awesome! the quiz consists of four rounds of questions in which you answer what i thought would be trivia questions and you get a certain amount of points depending on whether you get it right and how long it takes you to submit the answer.
on saturday i took the first round. it turned out not to be universal trivia so much as trivia about the fbi. which, fine, stands to reason, they’re probably going to try to recruit you if you win their little scholarship. either that or put you in jail. so there’s questions like “what is the highest education you have to attain to join the secret forces?” with answers such as, “GED”, “BA”, “worked at wendy’s for a couple days before getting fired”. alright maybe not that last one, but it was something comparably absurd.
my favorite question by far, however, was “what is the term for the actions that fbi secret agents perform?” with answers ranging from “espionage”, to “terrorism” and “jihad”. i am totally not kidding. hello, creepy. shall i take the next round? shall i never go to their webpage again? i did get 20 out of 22 questions right so my chances right this second of being thrown in the slammer under the patriot act are good so far. but do i want to risk that a future question might be, “suicide bombing makes you think of…” with fill-in he blank answers including, “immoral” or “god”?
can you take this quiz even if you don’t want their money?
if i don’t hear from you every couple of days, i’ll assume you’re in the slammer.
i’m sure you could. and considering the fact that it seems to be taken by people actually interested in the FBI who know lots about it and got way higher scores than i did (because they took less time to answer the questions), i’m betting i won’t get any money. and neither would you. also, i bet it doesn’t involve much money. the fact that i never saw a dollar sign amount fills me with trepidation.