April 25, 2005
University of San Francisco
3:00pm–Orientation
Person-in-Charge (PIC): Are those tattoos? You’re OUUUTTTTTAAAAA here!
Michele: Dick-in-charge.
3:05pm–Loud Crashing Noises
Kim Dae Jung (KDJ): Who are you?
Michele: I’m your new bodyguard. Hi-ya, Ninja!
Ninja: I am hurt.
PIC (internal monologue aside): Hmm, maybe we should hire her.
Michele (mind-reading): DIC.
KDJ (internal monologue aside): I like that tattoo. Maybe I should get a tattoo.
Michele (mind-reading): The Sunshine Policy is still retarded.
3:08pm-3:30pm–Incredibly Boring Speech About Duties
PIC: Some of you will guard these bathrooms in case the president–former president, i mean–needs to use them. The rest of you will ask people to open their purses and you will look inside. Don’t touch anything though! Just see if there’s any guns or round black balls with smoking wicks.
Michele (aside to fellow bodyguards): We should put a wick in the DIC.
Fellow Bodyguards: *snickering*
PIC (looking harried): What’s so funny? What? What?
Ninja: Excuse me, I think I’m bleeding a little…
Michele: Ninja CHOP!
Ninja: Oof.
Stay tuned for the event itself, happening today from 3:45-7pm.
Two questions.
One, what the hell?
And two, why is the Sunshine Policy retarded? Sunshine is a good policy. It’s warm and you can see by it.
1. KDJ is coming to my school today to give a talk and i volunteered for security detail. no one will give me a gun, however, so i’ve had to master ninja fighting styles. considering that i will probably be guarding a bathroom for his own personal use i will neither need a gun or roundhouse kicks.
2. the sunshine policy of south korea says, “north korea, we love you and thus we are going to be just a little slow in response to anything you might to to us. send a submarine into our waters? well we will hail it for a while instead of sending other submarines and missile defense systems out to meet it.” thus it is retarded because south korea hamstrung themselves and their northern neighbor is led by a psychotic killer midget with poofy hair who’s going to take advantage
I guess that’s what you get when you base your foreign policy on an Aesop’s fable. It could be worse, though; it could have been something about weasels. And is the ninja you keep beating up on a good ninja, say, KDJ’s personal bodyguard whom he brought with him thus rendering you unnecessary, or is he a bad ninja, say, an assassin sent by a psychotic killer midget with poofy hair?
assassin, of course.
although there are going to be some KCIA people here too. though considering that the first head of the KCIA shot his president to death, i don’t know how comforting that is. i’ll have to keep a wicked ninja eye on them too.
i was going to give you a big nod, but in keeping with the format i will give you a big ninja kick to the vulnerable kneecaps instead.
Kristen, please don’t express any appreciation for my blog posts in the future. Thanks.
Do you always wear such a dumb-assed hat? I bet when you slap that puffy piece of crap on your head in the morn you feel like you actually look good. I’ll break it to you: you don’t.
Hey, asshole, it’s permanently attached to her head. She can’t take it off. Think before you talk next time, will you?
my brains would fall out. BRAAAAAAAINS.
Since we’re all zombies here, you’d be in peril. We can’t have that. No peril on account of apparel!
I’d say anyone who spends time surfing around the web looking for strangers to insult has got to be the final word on cool. sorry, m, i guess the hat has to go.