michele

at my miss universe party on monday i climbed onto a chair to cross off my guests’ failed picks for top 5 contestants. when climbing down from the chair, i accidentally landed on a corner of the back with my inner thigh. the bruise now is glorious! i mean, it’s the size of one of the kittens my friends cuddled during the broadcast! and the colors! oh, the colors, they are amazing. there’s various shades of red, purple, and blue. some hints of black running through it. delightful. i’m so proud of it. you might think that my complete lack of grace in descending from a chair might preclude me from ever being a beauty contestant, however the hard fall of miss usa on monday night paints a picture of my potential future. she slipped on her dress during the evening gown portion and yet still made it into the top 5. i feel that if i too garnered donald trump’s backing, i could be booed on a stage in mexico city. after all, i am american; this opportunity is just waiting for me! and my lovely bruise!

i took some pictures of the food i made for the party…but not of the people who attended the party. or of my bruise–it is in a very private location after all. pictures of food here (if you care). i am still dining out on ginger pear cheesecake, the most delicious of the 4.

Hi Michele,

Total 95.9/A- [curse it for ruining my 4.0, but that’s ok! an A- is A-ok!]

this paper, mind you, i spent 36 hours writing right before it was due (um, ok minus like 15 hours of sleeping. i like sleep). i pulled a muscle in my hand and had to alternately type furiously and ice it because it was so painful. it was 31 pages long by the end and i had like 50 references. and then i tried to upload it and the electricity in my entire neighborhood went out (including street lights all the way down on center) and i was an hour late turning it in. yey for still getting full credit! and effusive praise! and being a historian!

(i would say that the names were changed for the sake of the innocent, but i’m the only innocent bystander in this situation i feel, so really the names were changed to protect me from eventual lawsuits.)

deb and taryn, aged 16 and 17 respectively, are taking love-o-meter quizzes on the internet in front of the counter where i sit. deb turns to me, where i’m happily minding my own business, to ask a question.

“michele! what does L-I-B-I-D-O mean?”

“uh…libido means sex drive.”

“ooooooo! i’ve got a big one!”

(me mumbling) “oh my god.”

this, mind you, is the same girl who told me her doctor said she should masturbate more because she’s too horny.

i have to say, my life is both horrifying and delightfully quixotic. maybe the absurdly sexy 17 year old boy will stay till 6 in here alone with me again today. he was born in 1989. 1989! he didn’t even experience the 80’s!

i can’t help it, my life is just full of the babies right now.

my brother and erin are going to have a baby boy. no confirmed name yet. some horrible floating possibilities are dylan, evan, and devin. i attempted to substitute ethan or nathan but got shot down. although i did then get to reminisce with jason about ethan from UPS that was friends with jason (inappropriate retching noises cough cough). man, that ethan guy was hot. and a soccer player. and oddly willing to be friendly to me.

something that is not hot is this ultrasound photo of my nephew gestating.

eaugh!!! it’s like an alien with the eyeballs staring and the empty looking brain pan and just the absolute horror of a spinal column GROWING INSIDE OF YOUR BODY. freaks me the fuck out, i’m not ashamed to admit it.

let me help you wash that image from your collective consciousness with kittens.

more kitten pictures here.

if anyone wants to come see the kittens, i’ll have them another month. and if you know anyone looking to adopt, they will be up for grabs at ARF in june.

this morning i went to see ellie’s new baby: lucas. he is impossibly tiny. i held him though and totally didn’t break him.

then i went to the animal rescue foundation and picked up 6 baby kittens and their momma to foster for five weeks. they are even more impossibly tiny than lucas and wiggle around on their bellies because their legs aren’t fully developed. their tiny eyelids are squished closed still and they’ve still got bits of umbilical cord attached. a nauseating odor of rancid blood and poop hangs around them. man, if not for the smell, i would be in heaven. i’m trying to ignore it. i feel, given 24 hours, that i can block my brain to it and experience only the cuteness of baby baby kittens.

prepare yourselves, sushi readers, for this website is no doubt going to be prone to kitten news and kitten photos in the upcoming weeks.

p.s. my cousin’s baby, isabella:

some numbers

time spent studying for final: 10 hours

time spent driving to and from final: 90 minutes

time spent taking final: 49 minutes

goddammit.

great america

on saturday, i went to great america for dianna’s birthday. i had (perhaps) too much fun. i definitely had too much food. but how can you resist a soft-serve dole whip? you cannot! i did ride the delirium 3 times. man, i wish i’d ridden it more and the vortex less. no more vortex ever again, i hate that ride.

here are pictures from the day. and happy birthday again, dianna-giraffe!