michele

kim got a kitten! a two year old, malnourished, big-footed kitten. who looks a bit like punk. hopefully not as punkish though.

i want a kitten. i want an ocelot!

to be honest, this is a day late. but if i had posted it yesterday, well one, i probably would have been at home and not having the best time ever at great america, and two, i wouldn’t have this picture to go along with my birthday wishes.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DIANNA!

sorry you got so wet for it.

to view rest of photos (many many photos) go here.

yesterday (yes this is a story of my life) i had a meeting with my politics teacher one-on-one (not male-on male, because i’m not male, and also i don’t write hot m-o-m porn like jason) so that we could discuss, without losing face, my performance in his class. mind you, he was having these meetings with everyone in the class, not just me. during this meeting, which lasted about 3 minutes, the teacher managed to heavily insult my intelligence. he did this by saying that my midterm exam score and oral presentation on cambodia’s international relations were a “revelation” as before that he was pretty sure i didn’t have a brain. he didn’t come right out and say that part about the brain or his firmly held belief that i was stupid, but did he ever imply it.

i contemplated asking the ninja to kick his ass to kingdom come. but seriously, all ninjas are really good at is porn. also good at porn? jason. only jason could write about a mouthwash enema and rimjob so well. let us all now cross our fingers and toes (my toes are already curling in horror at the memory of jason’s porn) that jason’s offering to the SF porn anthology gets accepted for publication. you can do it, jason. you can DO IT.

University of San Francisco

Kim Dae Jung Visit and Award Ceremony

3:48pm–Preparation

Head Worker: Put a golf pencil on each chair.

Michele: …

Head Worker: Where’d she go?

Volunteer: She ran off with the golf pencils.

Michele: MUAH-HA-HA-HA!!

4:00pm–Assigned a Station

Head Worker: Just take their bags and put the clothespin on it and give them the other one.

Michele: Yeah, it’s not rocket science, I think I’ve got it.

Guest: Do I have to give you my bag?

Michele: Yes. Is your wallet in this pocket?

4:12pm–Trouble Arises

DIC: Have you heard any ticking?

Michele: Ha. Ha. Ha.

DIC: Keep up the good work.

Ninja: What a dick.

4:33pm–I Decide to Organize the Bags by Number

Volunteer: Are you a little anal?

Ninja: Ninja Face Explosion Kick!

Volunteer: My nose!

Michele: Thanks, Ninja.

Ninja: Anything for you, Michele.

4:52pm–The Ninja and I Decide to Elope

Ninja: Do you want to get married?

Michele: Do you think my hat is stupid?

Ninja: No.

Michele: Yes.

5:47pm–Released to Attend Lecture

Father Privett: blah blah blah, my hero.

Kim Dae Jung: Germany blah blah Germany blah Germany! blah blah blah Germany.

Translator: I lead a double life.

Ninja: The tension is killing me.

Michele: I really have to pee.

7:01pm–Giving Back Bags

Michele: I totally didn’t steal anything.

Guest: What?

Michele: From your bag. I didn’t rifle through it.

DIC: Do I hear ticking?

Guest: I’ve been framed!

Michele: (the sound of rapidly disappearing footsteps, maniacal laughter, and the rattling of a box of golf pencils.)

7:33pm–My Life is Complete

Krysten: Excellent, Michele! Do you want all these left-over petit-fours and a flower arrangement?

Michele: YES.

Ninja: Super Sweet.

April 25, 2005

University of San Francisco

3:00pm–Orientation

Person-in-Charge (PIC): Are those tattoos? You’re OUUUTTTTTAAAAA here!

Michele: Dick-in-charge.

3:05pm–Loud Crashing Noises

Kim Dae Jung (KDJ): Who are you?

Michele: I’m your new bodyguard. Hi-ya, Ninja!

Ninja: I am hurt.

PIC (internal monologue aside): Hmm, maybe we should hire her.

Michele (mind-reading): DIC.

KDJ (internal monologue aside): I like that tattoo. Maybe I should get a tattoo.

Michele (mind-reading): The Sunshine Policy is still retarded.

3:08pm-3:30pm–Incredibly Boring Speech About Duties

PIC: Some of you will guard these bathrooms in case the president–former president, i mean–needs to use them. The rest of you will ask people to open their purses and you will look inside. Don’t touch anything though! Just see if there’s any guns or round black balls with smoking wicks.

Michele (aside to fellow bodyguards): We should put a wick in the DIC.

Fellow Bodyguards: *snickering*

PIC (looking harried): What’s so funny? What? What?

Ninja: Excuse me, I think I’m bleeding a little…

Michele: Ninja CHOP!

Ninja: Oof.

Stay tuned for the event itself, happening today from 3:45-7pm.

fuck-face died.

i spent the morning at work looking up hotels in athens and istanbul online. and now i feel the need to share the pretty pictures.

the hotel i will be staying in while visiting athens is a semi-fancy-pants art hotel that looks like this:

more pictures here.

and in istanbul, i’ll be staying in a semi-hostel (but with a private room and bath) here:

more pictures here.

it’s pretty exciting to actually have plane tickets and (now) 2 places to stay. now i only need to find places to stay on lesbos, rhodes, crete, santorini, and london.