michele

the girl who guards the gate knows my name. only my last name, but still. kim dae jung is coming to see me. the sunshine policy is retarded, but kim dae jung is still a nobel peace prize winner. the woman who works the cash register at the rite aid in downtown pleasant hill wears bunny fur in a muff around her neck. she works at rite-aid and flaunts silvered gray bunny fur.

i am bored today at work and a little tired from mini-mao. who knew being social would be so much fun?

i just spent $3300 on my mom’s credit card and $180 on mine. i’m exhausted. but i now have tickets to coachella, tickets to london, and tickets to greece.

baby, i’m a spending fool.

there was a black widow spider on my car this morning! i noticed it when i got to school, clinging determinedly to the window on the driver’s side. for a while, once i parked, i stared at it in horror wondering how i could get out of the car without being bitten and dying. finally i did it all in one swift movement, got the left blinky-lighty-up shoe out of the trunk and smashed it dead. i felt a little bad because it was so intrepid and resourceful to cling to the window with a bit of bum-web, but black widow! scary!

does this mean my garage is full of black widows? my apartment? this odd bulge on my neck which, urban myth style, will bust open and release a torrent of tiny baby black widows?!?!

i feel itchy all over.

addedendum: few new pictures from colorado and few new pictures from when katherine was visiting.

it’s gotten to the point where as soon as the plane leaves the ground i have to keep my eyes squeezed tight, clutch my arms, and remind myself to breathe. a half hour in i start to whimper and panic and keep checking my watch to see how much longer it’s going to be. i live 5 minutes at a time on a plane because the idea that it’s going to be even another 15 munutes before another 10 minutes before another before another before we land is too much for me. this is pretty pathetic on a 70 minute flight from vegas. i can’t even fathom what it will be like flying to greece as i’ve honestly gotten much, much worse at flying since my last trip across the pacific. i came back from that one with war wounds in the form of gigantic hand shaped bruises on my upper arms. maybe i’ll draw blood over the atlantic. or maybe, as i keep telling myself, i’ll take lots and lots of sleep-inducing drugs.

pictures from vegas here.

pictures i took while katherine (my cousin john’s wife) was visiting last week here.

pictures katherine took while visiting here.

UPDATE: Katherine’s photos have now been uploaded to eloise as they are no longer on her page. I’ve changed the links to reflect this.

i just got an email from someone at the art institute of washington that says this:

“Dear Michele,

We are asking permission to reprint some of your webpages and have live link to your website during our show? Email acknowledgment will suffice. All credit will go to you. Please call with any questions or concerns.

-Ivonne”

what? who? which? woman!

Once upon a time there was a young BETEL NUT WHORE named MARINA. She was BRISKLY walking in the WISPY forest when she met NARCOLEPTIC GENE, a run-away LAYABOUT WASTRAL from the SLENDER Queen KRISTEN.

MARINA could see that NARCOLEPTIC GENE was hungry so she reached into her CUNT and gave him her OSTENTATIOUS SUSHI. NARCOLEPTIC GENE was thankful for MARINA‘s SUSHI, so he told MARINA a very ASININE story about Queen KRISTEN‘s daughter MICHELE. How her mother, the SLENDER Queen KRISTEN, kept her locked away in a HERMITAGE protected by a gigantic BENGAL TIGER, because MICHELE was so LIMPID.

MARINA RECANTED. She vowed to NARCOLEPTIC GENE the LAYABOUT WASTRAL that she would save the LIMPID MICHELE. She would ABSOLVE the BENGAL TIGER, and take MICHELE far away from her evil mother, the SLENDER Queen KRISTEN, and SWOON her.

Then, all of the sudden, there was a SLIMY MONSOON and NARCOLEPTIC GENE the LAYABOUT WASTRAL began to laugh. With a puff of smoke he turned into the gigantic BENGAL TIGER from his story. SLENDER Queen KRISTEN SOARED out from behind a PAIR OF PANTIES and struck MARINA dead. In the far off HERMITAGE you could hear a FART.

THE END.

to do your own, go here.

it’s kind of lame though and i had to change numerous spelling errors to make it scan. heh. and also it’s still kind of lame. but i enjoyed the fact that kristen got to be slender, i got to be limpid, and marina got to be a dead whore.

on monday my friend lawrence wore a wool, button-up cardigan with beavers all over it to class.

i laughed fit to bust, but couldn’t explain to him why.

it is international woman’s month, which could excuse my logic. but cannot excuse my politics teacher saying the word ‘vagina’ so many times last night.

nor can it excuse his repeated stories about abuse in the phillipines under the marcos regime where he goes off on how his friends used to get their “testicles electrocuted” and his female friends were “forced to get naked and sit on blocks of ice in front of generals”. while he, on the other hand, was the grandson of a colonel and was always let go instead of being punished for throwing molotov cocktails thru the windows at the US embassy. is it really demonstrating if you know your testes are safe?

my vagina looks nothing like that.