Categotry Archives: General

the librarian announces that he will be going on vacation to hawaii for a week.

“when are you going?” french father asks politely.

“this thursday,” librarian replies.

french father raises both arms in the air and hoots and hollers.

“yaaaaay! party!” he cries.

i start laughing at him which only makes his own smile stretch the wider as he too breaks into guffaws.

“3 words for you guys. mother-in-law. that’s where i’m going on vacation. stop wooting it up, you lousy care-free bastards.”

“**assrooms” pronounces the sign on the wall.

there’s a cross in every one of them. simple, two pieces of wood crosses. none of this loin-clothed, blood-dripping, wreath-wearing nonsense. but at least now i know where they stick it. right in the **ass.

before i met doug, i used to get up when the alarm clock went off. now i snooze as many times as possible. one day i too look forward to waking up with the clock’s cord wrapped around my arm while i clutch the plastic case to my chest dreaming of snakes.

from the living room i can hear my toilet making the noise of a water cooler when you take away its liquid insides. a glug glug glug. i’m convinced there’s a snake in the plumbing. in general i like snakes. if they’re in their natural habitat of the savannah, or my cul de sac, or a cage, but when they get in the pipes i take issue. the fear of getting one’s ass bitten while sitting gives me the terror.

of course i also used to think that maybe a kitten would climb up the plumbing and i could lift the grate in the bathtub and voila have a new kitten. i’m forced to admit now that probably this kitten would have been hollowed out of its insides by a snake from the ass-end forwards and the snake would then push it along forward like a finger puppet. a kitten puppet built for snake. that’s, that’s disgusting.

in conclusion, alan rickman does not look like a snake (snape) because he does not have a kitten on his head.

see? no kitten.

emma watson is a kitten though. a sex kitten. snape better stay away from her rear-end.

marketing campaign:

if you go here and then click on the picture you can watch it animated!

religious thangka:

note that they both have water on the sides, the main center “figure” is sitting on a lotus leaf, surrounded by clouds. the red fire portal at the top center is the some fruit in the 1st, and in the same place in the 2nd is the Buddha. on either side of the fruit are the garuda (phoenix) and the dragon (2 of the 4 most important animals in tibetan buddhism, the other ones being the lion and the tiger), whereas the 2nd one has some more buddhas/boddhisattvas.

i am both amazed and disgusted by jamba juice for this.

four hours alone at work later with no email, no CH, and no kristen at work to entertain me anyway, i am prepared to weep tears of gratitude for having CH working again. crud, those 4 hours were awful.

tonight is the miss universe pageant and i’ve been spending these 4 hours at work picking my favorites by reading their interviews, looking at pictures, etc. i want to be able to pick 18 instead of the 10 we are limiting ourselves to for the party tonight. admittedly, i made up the 10 limit rule, so i almost feel entitled to breaking it. i really want israel and egypt on my team because i like them, but i am well aware neither of them will win so it seems pointless to choose them. heh. decisions.

my throat really, really hurts for no good reason so i’ve been trying to come up with reasons why. it is my belief (firm) that they put subliminal text or images in the buffy musical episode of season 6 and that i’ve been singing the songs in my sleep for the past 3 nights. loudly. thus straining my tonsils. this would explain also why i dream the songs, wake up to the songs in my head, and have insomnia from the songs in my brain. fer fuck’s sake. i watched the damn episode once on tuesday night and now i’m just a fooking wreck.

it got worse last night as i watched some of the special features which had clips of the musical in them so now i do clips too. just snippets of a song, over and over again. the same line. it’s awful. and my throat hurts. i now curse the buffy name which has brought me low.

current insolent lyrics laughing at my pain are: “she came from the grave much graver.” “first i’ll kill her, then i’ll save her.” “bunnies aren’t just cute like everybody supposes. they’ve got those hoppy legs and twitchy little noses. and what’s with all the carrots? what do they need such good eyesight for anyway? bunnies! bunnies, it must be bunnies!” pause as they sing more of that song about facing it together they can defeat anything, “…except for bunnies…”

hello. would anybody like a cat? (not my cats. someone else’s cats). if you don’t take them, my mom will. and then she’ll have two more. making it a grand total of….simon, sammy, fuckface, punk, setiva, and the two new ones. that’s 7.

these two cats. one is, i believe, tabby and looks like punk. the other is fat, fluffy, and grey. i do not know how old they are. i could find out if you were interested. though personally i think this is a lost cause and that my mom will soon have 7 cats. when i’m gone for the month of august, she’ll have 9 living at her house. you know, whenever i wonder about my future, i just have to look at my mom. the cat lady. that will be me. i think i should always live in apartments because that will seriously limit my cat taking-in ability due to space constraints. i will never go so far as to have 4 (1, 2, 3, 4) ferrets, a hedgehog, and my brother living with me though. don’t make my mom take two more cats in! adopt a feline today!