i didn’t get the miki scholarship. which possibly some of you remember me talking about before. although i completely changed the topic of my research and wrote this relatively good proposal. well sort of good. whatever. the point is. rejection letter. another reason i’m glad i didn’t go to tacoma last week at all because maybe it would have made me sad to be there when they wouldn’t give me any money to go play with the internet and a digital camera in a japanese high school.
now i’m thinking, why the hell should i continue taking japanese language classes when the only reason i was taking them in the first place was so i could tell the miki committee that i was pursuing japanese under my own steam? and possibly my consideration of this idea is heavily influenced by the fact that i skipped last week since jenny was here, i have a huge test tomorrow which i haven’t studied for, and haven’t done the homework for last week or this week yet. and yeah, i could do everything tonight and study and get an A on this test, because it will be easy and, no, i’m not over-rating my abilities, it’s just true. but after the 2 hours of sleep i got last night it just doesn’t seem worth it.
also i think i have poison oak on my wrist again. fucking ay i’m whiny when i’m tired. i apologize to anyone who actually read this. (but now i’m going to continue)
if i drop japanese does it just further cement the fact that i’m a slacker and really have no business even applying to go back to grad school? who’s to say i wouldn’t just drop out of grad school too? it’s hard to feel motivated anymore.
on saturday i called this number, got a map point, got a map, drove to a bart station, waited 20 minutes for a shuttle, took a shuttle to downtown warehouse oakland, and listened to my brother play. the effort involved in getting to this rave almost negated being at the rave. however, the lack of roving gangs with guns smashing my car and threating my life (which is what happened at the last rave at this place–not to me mind, since i didn’t go and thank god for that) was pretty sweet. plus i saw mike barrett play too and his evolution into using jazz music is a development i was pleased to experience. jazz trumpets underscoring some fantastic breakbeat action is a good, good thing. now i have only to wait till my brother comes out with the james brown sampling he’s been working on, a trend which i take full credit for as i kind of introduced him to the james brown, and my life will be complete.
