Categotry Archives: General

last night for dinner my mom made this scallops in a cream sauce with herbs delicacy. on a mad afterthought she decided to add some gin to spice up those little spuds of the oceanic world.

for those of you now thinking, mmm tasty gin flavored scallops. let me point out to you that the two in fact do not go hand in hand like cotton candy and an irresolute child of 2. the combination of flavors–fish and restoration era mamma’s teat–clash like the furies. it was atrocious and led to me all out gagging. i attempted to take a bite of just the rice with the sauce thinking that maybe the scallops had taken the full brunt of the offensive liquor. i had to spit it all out in my napkin and hurriedly wad up the evidence because i couldn’t even bring myself to chew the mush.

we then washed off all the little scallop-y bodies and fried them up with lots of bacon, onions, and egg to make fried rice. it certainly helped.

the point here: don’t put gin in your food. drink gin as your meal, sure. BUT DO NOT PUT IT IN YOUR FOOD. it’s like the adage about not crapping where you sleep. or eat. whatever. just say no.

welp, 26 is finally here. shit you’re old. and, i’ve got to say, you’ve come a long way from impressionable curly haired cherub to drunken fiancee impromptu-ly holding a little scrap of paper with a scribbled “2” tacked on to the heartfelt “i *heart* you” message from katherine. there were times when i despaired of you ever making it to china (still waiting for that to happen really). at first i thought, “yeah, he’s hella smart with that wheelbarrow and plastic shovel. he’s bound to break on thru to the other side one of these days. while adam will probably sit there puzzling over which end goes into the ground for the next 20 years.” sadly though you merely became a disillusioned hoodlum with time to kill and the will to kill to it in the most bizarre and obscure body and facial movements you could come up with. there was also that brief period where you attempted an unaffected sweet disposition. you never fooled me though. at heart i know you and i will always be planning that next prank and executing it with glee. and for this, my penultimate side-splitter pulled on you: (please don’t kill me. i can’t stop myself.) happy birthday in your birthday suit!

i have the downlow skivvy news which is bad.

so coachella booths are FIFTEEN HUNDRED DOLLARS for 2 days for a 10 X 10 booth. and you only get 3 free passes. THREE. that’s pathetic! i want to cry. pretty much this shoots down all our little hopes for getting in free. and for selling stylus gear.

sweet jesus. so yesterday on the drive home nuala was telling me about how dvd depot down the street of which i wrote about before now has commercials on the television starring my erstwhile suitor. apparently i have missed out on being the someone of someone famous.

hmmm so i just searched my page for me writing about the whole dvd depot thing. and i swear to god i had written about it, but apparently not. ok so once i went in there and the guy asked me if i had a boyfriend and i, horrified, said yes so as to circumvent having to go on a date with him. yes i LIED. this description makes the entire sequence of events sound very boring. it would be a lot better if i could find a picture of him or if any of you have seen the commercial.

sadly i have not seen their commercial but nuala assures me it’s horrific. and i did find their webpage online where you can listen to the current promotional ad of a free porn dvd with a certain level of purchase. good fucking times.

well ok. not so much evil since really i’m working to benefit the good of all. i just called a certain someone named shalyce. yes. at the goldenvoice headquarters to ask about getting a booth at coachella. how much it would cost, if vendors got in free, and if they did…how many could get in free. =) brilliant. it’s very possible depending on cost of booth that we could all pretend to be working for stylus clothing and spend a couple of hours manning the booth in order to pay a seriously discounted entry fee. ie, stylus dj wear is broke so they can’t pay for booth rental. but if we all split the cost and got in free i bet we could pay less than $140 for tickets! and all we’d have to do in exchange would be to sell some shirts. we could do that! i had to leave a message because she wasn’t there but maybe i will hear back soon. i’ll keep you posted, loyal coachella fans.

once again i have triumphed against my personal nemesis: the doctor. and what have i come away with? oh YES. a prescription for codeine flavored cough syrup. it does not GET any better than this, my ineffectual little friends who have no codeine. and how did i get said nectar of the gods? sniveling. yes. i pleaded. i complained about lack of sleep. and constant coughing. tied it all in to the depression of having pink colored eyes and how i wasn’t sure if it was worth it go on living without something to numb the pain. and from all this hard work i was rewarded with ample gifts.

1) eyedrops to make the evil pink eye go away.

2) codeine to brighten up the darkest cough filled night.

and 3) antibiotics.

because apparently what i actually have is acute bronchitis. acute fucking bronchitis. this is bullshit! how the fuck did i get so sick? why must i whinge about it day in and day out to all of you uncaring healthy bastards? i didn’t really get the codeine on my own tactics enhanced merit. oh nooooo, it was cause she listened to my chest and said, “holy hot damn, girl. it’s a wonder you’re still ambulatory under your own steam.”

and now i face the truly perplexing situation of HOW TO GET MY HANDS ON THE DRUGS? i’ve never had to go to the pharmacy before. and mom won’t be home till 4. and i really am just not sure how to proceed here. so most likely what will happen is i will go into the fun room and watch more atrocious movies. although never again will i sink as low as i did yesterday and watch something of the likes of “the master of disguise.” fuck me. that was bad. eventually mom will come home. and then the codeine will be mine, all mine.

eeeeeee…….tasty……mmmmmm…….

it’s kind of like how i am with the sweet potatos and the spatula and your face. only in this situation it’s the codeine and a spoon and still your face bearing the brunt of the silver beating. oh yes. mine all mine.

i am NOT a drug addict. i am not a drug addict.

i think we should all learn a lesson here in how jacob’s digi is nicer than my digi. le sigh. “it’s french.” hopeless abandon.

and now i’m going to go back to being horrendously sick. and imagining the world without buildings or people or futures as all this talk of war and politics is bringing me down and creating desolation amongst my blogging repertoire. well ok mostly the lack of writing is due to the ill. but whatever.