Nyotaimori

hello. would anybody like a cat? (not my cats. someone else’s cats). if you don’t take them, my mom will. and then she’ll have two more. making it a grand total of….simon, sammy, fuckface, punk, setiva, and the two new ones. that’s 7.

these two cats. one is, i believe, tabby and looks like punk. the other is fat, fluffy, and grey. i do not know how old they are. i could find out if you were interested. though personally i think this is a lost cause and that my mom will soon have 7 cats. when i’m gone for the month of august, she’ll have 9 living at her house. you know, whenever i wonder about my future, i just have to look at my mom. the cat lady. that will be me. i think i should always live in apartments because that will seriously limit my cat taking-in ability due to space constraints. i will never go so far as to have 4 (1, 2, 3, 4) ferrets, a hedgehog, and my brother living with me though. don’t make my mom take two more cats in! adopt a feline today!

the girl who plays jane in joan of arcadia is in an episode of buffy season 6. “all the way.” the one before the musical. oh man i am so excited about the musical. life is so good right now. with the buffy season 6 and the overwhelmingly delightful news that anderson is moving here to sunnyvale, much like sunnydale in buffy, in july.

i really should go to bed. but…buffy season 6! buffy season 6! hot doggy!

i find myself today at work propping elbow on desk, chin on hand, gazing out the window to my left, look out the front of campus, i can see the st. mary’s church spires, if only i could see to the left of the left i could see the ocean. today is grey and cold but i forgot my soft beanie. if only i could see the future of the choice, the future of the future, just to the left, in the ocean. again, i prop, i look, i do not work. i wish the spires’ bells would ring. i wish the spirit dell to wing.

dell – Uncertain relationship to dell, rogue’s cant 16c.-17c. for “a young girl of the vagrant class.” “A Dell is a yonge wenche, able for generation, and not yet knowen … by the vpright man” [Thomas Harman, 1567].

ellie and the baby were just here and since i have stolen jason’s digital camera i made good use of it by photographing tyler in the beanie i made for him while they were here. i took some other pictures. good ones. with ellie and tyler. and moo sniffing his big round head. but…i accidentally deleted them. meem sworry.

dear joss whedon,

fuck shit fucking fuck fuck fuckity shit fuck fucking fuck shit shit shit shit fucker fucking fuck fuck shitty shit fucking fucker fuck!!!!!!

ARGH!!!! wordless screaming, beating rage, anger, horror, sobbing.

i love you. i hate you. i love you.

goodbye,

me

on monday i went to a tibetan buddhist meditation center in SF for class/a paper/a presentation. there was supposed to be an art show. there were 15-20, size of index cards, pictures, childish drawings, and on one, a three line “poem” which didn’t rhyme. jason, convinced that taking pictures of tibetans steals their souls, kept pointing at things and muttering, “no soul!” i, attempting to maintain some sort of professional decorum, was glad i wasn’t drinking milk since it would have come up my nose.

somehow then the three people who were there (white, middle age, two boys, one girl) forced us to sit down and then talked to me for a while about my paper and about buddhism. somehow then we got taken into thier alter room and sacrificed to the soul-less god. or we got trapped into watching a video with them on dharma art by chogyam trungpa rinpoche. the man showed a slideshow of artwork from around the world and made spurious comments about what sort of shambhalistic principle they espoused. “no laziness”, “no regret”, “universal monarch”, “jolly good show that one”. that last comment was directed to the venus painting where she’s standing on the oyster shell. lecherous, dirty tibetan monk. sheesh. (he was married, but openly had sex with students, drank like a fish and smoked like a furnace).

tonight i have a to give a presentation in class about my paper and my experience at a religious institution/event having to do with the subject matter of my paper. it’s tempting just to whip out some alcohol, doodle some art, and hold it up and yell things like, “straight and simple!” or “i am drunk!”

the other day i met a soto zen buddhist priest who spoke to me of dogen and dogen’s chinese master of buddhism. when they first met, he said to me, dogen thought, you are my master, and the master looked at dogen and thought, you are my disciple. he looked at me and i looked at him, and i wondered what he was saying underneath.