possibly i flirted with the non-profit owner of the ben and jerry’s in portland today. at least john tried to make me get his phone number. and he gave jason free tea. you might think he was flirting with jason due to that, but no it was me. he thought i wanted the tea. mostly i think he just liked me because i stole ice cream but then confessed and paid for it. considering that it was like $3, that did show a level of honesty that my klepto system is really not prepared for.
then james and i made a disgusting puppet show egged on by jason and his newest purchase from powells, opening mexico to democracy. or, it would have been a puppet show if i’d had a spare pair of socks in my bag. instead it was just me with my hands talking to one another and jason’s hands flying right thru foreplay and just bumping uglies all over the place. mine went more like this:
democracy, the lover: “oh mexico, i’d really love to come and explore your rolling hills and gentle valleys.”
mexico, the virgin: “and i’d love to have you, democracy. but i’m just afraid, you know? you’re so new and different to me. and big. really, really big. i’m afraid it might hurt.”
james: how did mexico really handle democracy?
jason: not well.
me: fucked her up the ass.
jason: hey!…well…yeah.
democracy, the fucker: “i’m sure we could find a back way for me to enter you, mexico. and no one will get hurt, i promise.”
and now, a teaser:
I always considered NAFTA to be, at its core, all about Astroglide.
after he applies the astroglide he can always wipe his hand on mexico’s shoulder. RIGHT, JASON?
I never said Mexico didn’t handle democracy well. No angry letters, please.
i, admittedly, based my whole ‘fucked in the ass’ theory solely on the basis of the title of the book and the words “mesoamerican monarchs” on the back cover.
i also spent about twenty minutes last night trying to convince jason and katherine that the phrase ‘have your cake and eat it too’ came from marie antoinette’s statement, “let them eat cake.” my ability to twist revolutions to fit my own ends is now legendary.