on thursday i had dinner with a mass of people in san francisco. this was due in part to marina’s being in town for the night. mostly though it was due to…something else. all right, i’m just lying now and not very successfully, it was all about marina. while there i harangued christine in this misinformed tirade about our ballet tickets. marina mocked me afterwards and i wondered silently to myself why i put together a dinner party for her (i’m lying again, my brain had no rational thought at this point except “ballet! ballet? why no ballet?! et tu, brute?”).
the thing is though see that i thought christine hadn’t gotten the tickets but it turned out that she totally had! i praised her name! i apologized for my het-up unfair verbal abuse! i realized that i say “ballet” like i said “garbage” at the age of 5. this is embarrassing. and i’m working on it.
when i was 5, my uncles took me to the garbage dump in vernonia, oregon for a dump party. they have them once a year where the town’s population turns out to build fires and get drunk. they placed me on top of a pile of furniture at which point i uttered the words remembered by all vernonians:
i’m sitting on garbage.
now, remember, i was 5. and i pronounced “garbage” with a funny accent. like it was two totally separate words–GAR-bage. i swear to god, every time i go to vernonia, someone in the post office or the grocery store comes up to me and exclaims, “if it isn’t the GAR-bage girl!” then they tell the story to whoever is within hearing distance young enough or unfortunate enough not to have been there back in 1984. it’s a very short story.
the thing is that after years of this miserable, blush-inducing abuse, i’ve managed to train myself to say garbage properly. not so with “ballet” apparently. i totally pronounce it “BAL-let”. even when i realize it and can sense the hyphenated extension of the syllables about to come out of my mouth, i can’t stop it! “BAL-let”! argh!
whatever you do, please don’t tell any vernonians about this pronunciation faux-pas. i shudder to think how they would turn it against me for the sake of a laugh.
I thought BAL-let was right, and bal-LET, the way I say it, was wrong.
well putting the stress on the first syllable IS correct, but putting a hyphen between the syllables so that you pronounce it like an awe-struck retard is not ok.
I forgot about Garbage day at Vernonia, and I either forgot or dont remember the “I’m sitting on Garbage” incident.
and knowing me, unless I look in the history that is you online journal/ranting area. I will forget about by the next time I see you in person.
Oh, got the key ring, thanks looks cool, and It is on my key ring right now, sitting next to a plant and pirated copy of Jackass 2, that I havent watched yet (which has been sitting in the same place for 4 weeks now).
I am also try to talk myself out of buying a laptop computer, oh why must technology taunt me like it does.
i’m getting a new computer! the hinges on my screen have completely snapped (you know how shoddy they were at christmas?). i’ve now duct-taped paint stirrers and knitting needles to the screen and base to keep it upright, but my mom agreed to put in 1/4th of a new computer for my birthday. suggestions? i’m trying to decide what new one to get.
hooray! congratulations.
i have no suggestions, but I know someone who might be willing to trade suggestions for a haircut.