Today I got to be one of the top authors in the field of Television Commons for my Japanese Animation Senior Honors Thesis from the University of Puget Sound. You remember, THAT OLD THING. While IM’ing with a co-worker about other sundry things (primarily creepy stalking tendencies and the impulse to drill holes in things but really he’d just been asking if I wanted to come watch a training session), this lofty status of mine as a TOP AUTHOR was brought to life in new ways. Mostly depraved ways where I started a mighty war with the folks over in Film Commons. They’re going DOWN; I’ll cut a bitch.
Michele: staring at the wall takes up a lot of my time, you know.
but thanks for inviting me.
i like observing things.
Dave: well, I’m a theatre kid, so I like being observed
(even when I’m not actually doing anything)
Michele: i will drill a hole in my wall and then in paul’s wall and then in your wall
so i can observe you all the time
wow that’s not creepy at all
Dave: that…doesn’t sound creepy at all
Michele: i have a lot of creepy thoughts about drilling holes in walls to work through with a therapist. APPARENTLY.
first step: FIND A THERAPIST.
second step: HIDE MY DRILL
Dave: third step: FAME AND FORTUNE!!!
Michele: fourth step: NEVER LOOK BACK.
yes. this is a good plan.
Dave: fifth step: CRUSH YOUR ENEMIES
now it’s a perfect plan
Michele: my enemies being all those people who tried to take my drill and/or filled in the holes i drilled? yes. they deserve ABJECT CRUSHING.
Michele: i better start working out to be in shape for crushing my enemies. also i better make some enemies. or a nemesis. NEMESIS.
Michele: nemesissies. DEFINITELY.
for they will cry for their mommies and wet their pants
when i show up to CRUSH THEM.
Dave: working out is overrated, get yourself a giant fighting robo-ma-jig
Michele: sure. i’ll get right on constructing that. over here i have some push pins, paper clips, and a leafy plant to work with. what do you have to contribute?
Dave: ummm, I’ve got some sustainable tissues, an empty water cup, and a pair of chopsticks
Michele: USED chopsticks?
Dave: no, fresh-in-the-packaging chopsticks!
Michele: i can work with this.
also, nemesis the goddess has “adamantine bridles” that restrain “the frivolous insolences of mortals.” according to wikipedia. nice.
Dave: yeah, there’s nothing wrong with that
Michele: i might have to science myself up some bridles to use on those insolent mortals in Film Commons. they think they’re better than us in Television Commons? THINK AGAIN, NEMESISSIES.
Dave: this might be one of my favorite conversations ever
Michele: you should save it for posterity when i’m famous. and/or when i get put in jail for trying to put bridles on unsuspecting academics.
Dave: either way you’d be famous