warren, nj

after half an hour spent online researching warren, nj with jason, my thrill at being able to go there in april for a whole week to visit him is even more intense. ah warren, nj, could you be any more splendid? let me enumerate the reasons for my high esteem.

#1:

doesn’t it look delightful?

#2

that is a carefully constructed model if ever i saw one. i’m going to be the size of an ANT while i’m there.

#-2000

spooky doll house cemetary. (bastards! it doesn’t retain the integrity of the link. so you have to go to articles and then it’s linked in fall 1997)

let me illustrate a few passages for your reading pleasure, though i do recommend reading the whole article. (ok i have pretty much now included the whole article, so really you don’t have to go read it at all.)

“Times change, they say, but little Lizzie Eckel’s grave in the Coontown Congregational Church cemetery looks as it did 66 years ago when her parents buried her there at the age of 12.

“Coontown, a part of Warren Township, took its name from the family of early settlers named Coon. In early times it was a flourishing community in its own right and boasted a distillery, blacksmith shop, general store and a coat factory.”

you don’t say.

“Lizzie’s mother was the daughter of the late Mr. and Mrs. Jacob Finger”

choked laughter gasp.

“High on a hillside in a Warren Township churchyard cemetery sits a small green and white doll house containing the cherished toys of a little girl. Thanks to Mrs. William Seiler of Plainfield, the house and its contents look as bright and new as they did on Jan. 27, 1882

“That was the day when heartbroken Mr. & Mrs. Emmanuel Eckel buried their lovely little daughter, 12-year-old Lizzie. On the grave they placed Lizzie’s playthings — the doll house containing a pink-cheeked china doll, a tea set of English Davenport china and a doll-sized hutch table.”

ok. creepy.

“Mr. Freiday, whose property adjoins the cemetery, repaired and painted the sides of the doll house which are made of window sash. He also cleaned the inside, Several years later he again repaired and painted the house.

“About three years ago Clarence Scheurman of Green Brook Township renovated and painted the house taking particular pains to use all original materials.

“Sixty-six years ago, as now, little Lizzie’s favorite doll dressed in Victorian style presided over a tea table with a complete miniature tea set. Time took its toll of the doll’s dress until three years ago it was in tatters.

“The Mrs. Edith Conklin of Middlesex Boro and a member of the …church, took the doll from its house to find that it also needed a new covering for its body. Mrs. Conklin used the original straw stuffing and the China head and hands. She used the old dress for a pattern and, after several months, matched the original material and made a replica of the original dress – a blue and white dotted chambray with lace at the neck and sleeves. She also made new white lawn pantaloons.”

are these people not seeking GAINFUL employment?

“I took the house to a carpenter and the doll to a doll hospital.” ….. “said the handsome widow”

oh yeah? handsome is as handsome does, you know.

“In the spring the little house gets a cleaning and Little Lizzie gets dolled up for Memorial Day. Mrs. Seiler dresses the doll in a white embroidered Swiss organdy dress of the fashion of the Victorian era. That’s the doll’s summer outfit.

“When winter cleaning time comes around, usually in the beginning of December, Mrs. Seiler dresses Little Lizzie in a white woolen Little Red Riding Hood outfit.”

the *handsome widow* also gets a sick pleasure out of undressing the doll and fondling her weather-worsened visage.

“Last year…Mrs. Prud’homme sent Mrs. Seiler a tinted miniature picture of Lizzie Eckel. Looking out from the frame is a grave-faced little girl with chestnut ringlets cascading over her shoulders. She wears a blue silk dress and high button shoes.”

spooky! spooky!

“Members of the congregation and others continued to care for Lizzie Eckel’s doll house until 1973 when a cretin took the doll house and its contents from the cemetery. Several days later the house and some of the dishes turned up in a field in Martinsville, obviously tossed there by whoever stole them. The doll and most of the furniture were missing. The remains of the doll house and its contents were never returned to the grave.”

the end. the fucking freak-ass small town doll house cemetary cretin destruction end. notice how the cretin does not get an adjective such as “handsome” this is because he is the BAD guy.

#5

on the bright side. there are the wittmans. unless they’re dead now. (articles: spring 94 about “everybody knew everybody in the good old days.)

#26

most exciting tourist attraction: THE EGG-O-MAT. i can hardly wait! (articles: fall 1990, “One of a number of Jewish egg producers in postwar Warren, the Epsteins sold eggs from a stand in front of their house, then installed the Egg-O-Mat in the early l950s to accommodate their many customers who needed eggs on weekends and evenings when the stand was closed and no stores were open.” egg-o-mat! eggs whenever you want them and you don’t own chickens of your own and from jews no less!)

#70billion

weio-weio-weio! whee!! choo-choo!!