Categotry Archives: General

secret shhh…

i just posse-ed myself over to lunch with tracy, ian, marc, shannon, and janie (jamie?). it was fun! i was too broke to buy myself lunch and they kept trying to force me to take their money and ian rolled food over the table at me and then made me laugh while i was trying to surreptiously eat it without being noticed by the waiter.

and then i came back to work and katie (crate) was asking me what i’d eaten for lunch. ahem.

“so what’d you eat for lunch.”

“um i didn’t…i don’t have any money.”

“oh…but…uh…who did you go with?”

“my friend tracy who works over in the french dept and her husband and our friend marc and two of thier friends from where they work.”

“so you couldn’t charge the food?”

“nah. i ate too much chocolate anyway. whatevs yo. they’re all over 30 too and like to toss thier money around and kept offering to pay but i was like ‘no no is all right.”

“you hang out with 30 year olds?”

(this from a 28 year old.)

“um…yeah.”

“huh.”*

“yeah.”

it’s funny how people are always a little shocked when i mention knowing 30 year olds. i wonder if the 30 year olds have issues with people when they mention hanging out with 20 year olds. is that not the same thing i wonder? i don’t think it is really. but i wait to hear from my 30 year olds. who are not mine a’tall mind, but wholly their own.

holy crap. so then katie was like, “i’m hungry let’s get chinese!” and i was like, “uhhhh…all right. i could charge it i guess.”** and then our boss was having these 2 people from santa cruz up for a meeting and they were kind of feeling peckish and so now i have this HUGE FUCKING PLATE OF FOOD for FREE! yeah lunch meeting! mmmmm orange beef and pot stickers…..so freeeeee…….i am a lucky goose. goooooossse……

*implicit in the “huh.” is the layered question, “what for?”

**which should not be any kind of indication on me not eating with youse guys at the other place. i really wasn’t too hungry then and i didn’t want you to have to pay. and using credit cards is a hassle. and….um…yeah. but i was so so happy to come and sit. and with the laughing and snorting of rice.

so last night at midnite premiere kristen and i had a communal revelation about the seriousness draw power of the boy in a beanie. kristen judged this to be because boy hair is normally bad and beanie’s hide that from us. i think it has something to do with making thier heads all round and fuzzy and smooth. or something. hmm…that is pretty sexually telling. it also frames thier faces really nicely if they have nice faces. cute boys in cute beanies of the indie rock persuasion are hot. that’s all i’m saying. and i was bored. and tired. and wonder if you agree.

boy in beanie-hot or not? fucking hot. hot enough to fuck. ugly. stupid. condom-head. think it adds extra protection for fucking. think you are seriously deranged for finding young beanie wearers really hot. wish you had a boy in a beanie with you right now. think michele has really odd fetishes. were wishing this quiz was not quite as long. wish that michele had made a real entry instead of some dumb beanie poll. wish you had seen some the cuties in beanies at midnight LOTR. bean-ie! bean-ie! throw your hands in the air, wave em like… wish michele would shove a beanie in her mouth, choke, and die. (you choose this. no forgiveness.) think SDK looked hot in a beanie. wish michele had slept with SDK and gotten the sick fascination out of her system. think michele and SDK would have made a cute couple. think michele has veered away from original poll question. beanie boy! beanie boy! give me joy! i like poi!

view results without voting.

frantic shrieking! this is totally absurd but i am nervous over the fact that this guy named nolan from this hotel that i have to keep using for conferences is coming over this afternoon to give us christmas cookies for being such great customers. nolan! bwah! it’s absurd. who’s named that? it’s so great! and i’m visibly agitated. on the phone when he was asking if we would be around today and if he could drop some off while he is out and about dropping others off, my voice kept going up and up in kind of a questioning disbelief that someone was actually going to deliver cookies TO me. that’s never happened before. and i got off the phone and sat here for a minute before standing up to discuss over the cubicle wall (speak thru my cranny chink) the fact that cookies were en route with katie, who was equally surprised though very suspicious about how many cookies we would get. greedy. (no, not really).

see the thing is. i am easily fascinated by things sometimes. before going to college i was completely intrigued by the name sam macintosh. but thank god i got over that damn quick. (jab erica. [sorry].) and now. nolan treadway. plagued by curiosity. but i don’t think i am prepared to MEET object of said fantasy. it’s always a disappointment. always. then again at least it will be a disappointment tempered by cookies. maybe they’ll even come in a pretty box. bright side.

updates on the hour as to how he hasn’t come yet will be forthcoming.

why didn’t i dress better today? at least i brushed my hair. why am i such a spaz? spazity spaz.

in other news. i got tickets to the midnight premiere of LOTR. i am sooo excited! and so pre-spaz as i am spazzy in all aspects of my life.

and you know what’s a treat? forcing the birthday girl (jolie) to take to the stage of a drag queen christmas show, put on a wig and feather boa, and lip-sync to ‘ru paul the red nosed reindeer.” sadly she did not win the plastic tiara. but a damn fine show it was all the same. now if only the cable for my digital camera would work (yes gene, it was right there the whole time. but you know what? erica-shaped pipe cleaners are still going to float).

after half an hour spent online researching warren, nj with jason, my thrill at being able to go there in april for a whole week to visit him is even more intense. ah warren, nj, could you be any more splendid? let me enumerate the reasons for my high esteem.

#1:

doesn’t it look delightful?

#2

that is a carefully constructed model if ever i saw one. i’m going to be the size of an ANT while i’m there.

#-2000

spooky doll house cemetary. (bastards! it doesn’t retain the integrity of the link. so you have to go to articles and then it’s linked in fall 1997)

let me illustrate a few passages for your reading pleasure, though i do recommend reading the whole article. (ok i have pretty much now included the whole article, so really you don’t have to go read it at all.)

“Times change, they say, but little Lizzie Eckel’s grave in the Coontown Congregational Church cemetery looks as it did 66 years ago when her parents buried her there at the age of 12.

“Coontown, a part of Warren Township, took its name from the family of early settlers named Coon. In early times it was a flourishing community in its own right and boasted a distillery, blacksmith shop, general store and a coat factory.”

you don’t say.

“Lizzie’s mother was the daughter of the late Mr. and Mrs. Jacob Finger”

choked laughter gasp.

“High on a hillside in a Warren Township churchyard cemetery sits a small green and white doll house containing the cherished toys of a little girl. Thanks to Mrs. William Seiler of Plainfield, the house and its contents look as bright and new as they did on Jan. 27, 1882

“That was the day when heartbroken Mr. & Mrs. Emmanuel Eckel buried their lovely little daughter, 12-year-old Lizzie. On the grave they placed Lizzie’s playthings — the doll house containing a pink-cheeked china doll, a tea set of English Davenport china and a doll-sized hutch table.”

ok. creepy.

“Mr. Freiday, whose property adjoins the cemetery, repaired and painted the sides of the doll house which are made of window sash. He also cleaned the inside, Several years later he again repaired and painted the house.

“About three years ago Clarence Scheurman of Green Brook Township renovated and painted the house taking particular pains to use all original materials.

“Sixty-six years ago, as now, little Lizzie’s favorite doll dressed in Victorian style presided over a tea table with a complete miniature tea set. Time took its toll of the doll’s dress until three years ago it was in tatters.

“The Mrs. Edith Conklin of Middlesex Boro and a member of the …church, took the doll from its house to find that it also needed a new covering for its body. Mrs. Conklin used the original straw stuffing and the China head and hands. She used the old dress for a pattern and, after several months, matched the original material and made a replica of the original dress – a blue and white dotted chambray with lace at the neck and sleeves. She also made new white lawn pantaloons.”

are these people not seeking GAINFUL employment?

“I took the house to a carpenter and the doll to a doll hospital.” ….. “said the handsome widow”

oh yeah? handsome is as handsome does, you know.

“In the spring the little house gets a cleaning and Little Lizzie gets dolled up for Memorial Day. Mrs. Seiler dresses the doll in a white embroidered Swiss organdy dress of the fashion of the Victorian era. That’s the doll’s summer outfit.

“When winter cleaning time comes around, usually in the beginning of December, Mrs. Seiler dresses Little Lizzie in a white woolen Little Red Riding Hood outfit.”

the *handsome widow* also gets a sick pleasure out of undressing the doll and fondling her weather-worsened visage.

“Last year…Mrs. Prud’homme sent Mrs. Seiler a tinted miniature picture of Lizzie Eckel. Looking out from the frame is a grave-faced little girl with chestnut ringlets cascading over her shoulders. She wears a blue silk dress and high button shoes.”

spooky! spooky!

“Members of the congregation and others continued to care for Lizzie Eckel’s doll house until 1973 when a cretin took the doll house and its contents from the cemetery. Several days later the house and some of the dishes turned up in a field in Martinsville, obviously tossed there by whoever stole them. The doll and most of the furniture were missing. The remains of the doll house and its contents were never returned to the grave.”

the end. the fucking freak-ass small town doll house cemetary cretin destruction end. notice how the cretin does not get an adjective such as “handsome” this is because he is the BAD guy.

#5

on the bright side. there are the wittmans. unless they’re dead now. (articles: spring 94 about “everybody knew everybody in the good old days.)

#26

most exciting tourist attraction: THE EGG-O-MAT. i can hardly wait! (articles: fall 1990, “One of a number of Jewish egg producers in postwar Warren, the Epsteins sold eggs from a stand in front of their house, then installed the Egg-O-Mat in the early l950s to accommodate their many customers who needed eggs on weekends and evenings when the stand was closed and no stores were open.” egg-o-mat! eggs whenever you want them and you don’t own chickens of your own and from jews no less!)

#70billion

weio-weio-weio! whee!! choo-choo!!

(to continue the gayness discussion….)

a certain miss jenny nessel sent me this test to take:

how gay are you?

i am only 45% gay. sigh. i expected to be gayer. this is the picture i got when i reached my percentage score:

so apparently i am also a gay cripple.

erica: question to look forward to equals #62. SQUISHY BOOBS!

i put my fuk_o email address in, so if you want to compare at the end that’s what it is and you can see how likely at that point it is that i’ve had a wet dream about you. jenny has a 12% probability of having had a wet dream about ME. i am pleased by this and am curious as to what my %age is for having had one about her. mainly due to the suspicious fact that i HAVE had a dream about jenny with illicit sexual behaviors going on. sick i know (not because of the gayness but because of the friendness). but what can you do? she’s a pretty girl. hmm who else have i had sex fantasies about…? don’t say erica. because even though there is the porn, i’ve never actually wanted to sleep with erica. sorry erica. mash the mammaries, yes. have sex with, no. but i think i will refrain from naming any more names because this is just wrong. oh so wrong. but take the test. i will compare my wet dream probabilities. it’ll be fun for all.