Categotry Archives: General

happy birthday jacob! you get crap art! man i like this crap little children’s artwork. now we shall see if i get in serious dipshit trouble for stealing a picture from his webpage without asking for it first. i probably will. something will piss him off and then it’ll be all over. i’m screwed.

p.s. jacob-what kind of present might you be most interested in receiving?

Today, John wrote this to me:

When I become emporer I’m going to have two large harems, one full of beatifull women and one full of raging hot studs.� However, Katherine made it clear that I don’t get to visit the harem.� So, I’m forced to leave them open to my loyal and single aids during my reign (I’ll watch of course, because I’m sure I’ll be a completely debase and perverted emporer).� Anyway, I realized last night that you didn’t have an aid position yet, so you’ll be my “Cheif of Pleasure”.� Your job will be to recruit and maintain both harems.� You’ll also be required to “test” them as needed to ensure that they are of the highest calibur.� The tests remain up to you…

-John

fucking sweet ass, doods.

HAPPY

BIRTHDAY

ERICA!

this is the forward i received today. you decide whether it is spam or not.

Hello, my name is�______ and I suffer from the guilt of not forwarding 50

billion fucking chain letters sent to me by people who actually believe that

if you send them on, a poor 6-year-old girl in Arkansas with a breast on her

forehead will be able to raise enough money to have it removed before her

redneck parents sell her to a traveling freak show.

Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give you, and everyone

to whom you send “his” email, $1000?

How stupid are you?

“Ooooh, looky here! If I scroll down this page and make a wish, I’ll get

laid by a model I just happen to run into the next day!”

Bullshit!

Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will come into my house and sodomize

me in my sleep for not continuing a chain letter that was started by Peter

in 5 AD and brought to this country by midget pilgrims on the Mayflower.

Fuck ’em.

If you’re going to forward something, at least send me something mildly

amusing. I’ve seen all the “send this to 10 of your closest friends, and

this poor, wretched excuse for a human being will somehow receive a nickel

from some omniscient being.� Show a little intelligence and think about what

you’re actually contributing to by sending out these forwards. Chances are,

it’s our own unpopularity.

The point being?� If you get some chain letter that’s threatening to leave

you shagless or� luckless for the rest of your life, delete it.

If it’s funny, send it on.

Don’t piss people off by making them feel guilty about a leper in Botswana

with no teeth who has been tied to the ass of a dead elephant for 27 years

and whose only salvation is the 5 cents per letter he’ll receive if you

forward this email.� Now forward this to everyone you know.

Otherwise, tomorrow morning your underwear will turn carnivorous and will

consume your genitals.

Have a nice day!

i just spend $120 on 12 dvds.

And how happy does this make me? Pretty fucking happy. One could even say, happy as those chicks there.

One could. I won’t.

You can go here to see why i am so happy to have bought things by miyazaki.

this morning as i was driving to work, i decided to take a short cut thru the 7-11/los panchos parking lot in order to avoid the light at the corner. tearing my way thru it i get to the exit and notice some boys rounding the corner in front of me to enter the pothole polka dotted landscape. one of them peers uncertainly into my front window and i notice he’s wearing a wildebeats sweatshirt.

“hmmm,” i say to myself, “could it be?”

it is! happily content with this early morning encounter i roll down my passenger side window and call outside,

“you want your money?”

“sure,” he replies.

so i reach into my wallet, pull out $200 cash, and hand it to him. some freakishly skinny fellow big b worker is with him and he loiters around outside while we converse briefly and jokingly about compounded interest on this deal.

on saturday my brother is getting a tattoo on his forearm of our dad’s name in mandarin chinese lettering. and i, for some misbegotten reasoning, volunteered to lend him the money to do it so he doesn’t have to ask our mom. i am really excited about this tattoo and am thinking maybe of getting one myself. honestly i think it’s a wonderful idea because being in hong kong meant so much to my dad and if ever a tattoo was going to be meaningful to me/my family personally this would probably be it. i’m so proud of my bro for thinking of it and possibly this is why i’ve lent him the money–because it makes me happy that he’s doing something memorializing like this.