Nyotaimori

this is where kristen is inviting us to go on friday. i have to admit to being a little scared. and also disgusted.

i can’t actually stand to look at that picture anymore so now it is moving to pop-up form. too gross. too too gross.

direct quote: “Since that time, there have been a lot of shows here, with improvents to the stage and PA. Many bands who have been on tour all over the country have said that this is the most fun place to play. Why? I don’t know, it’s dirty, it’ dark and it’s in a scary neighborhood.”

-burnt ramen

jolie asked if i could put this on my page. it is apparently to stand as proof that she is indeed dating astroturf. i don’t know if it counts for hard evidence so much…what with the lacking of romantic candlelight or silk sheets and the addition of erica to the little m�nage a trois action or whatever is going down kind of crimps up the bit. but you know what. look at that girl! she used to be a freshman. (this was really the only time i ever met her otherwise. when she was puny and young…and actually had less of a strong jaw line. and longer hair. and less make-up.) grown up good that astroturf. that’s all i’m saying. not that she wasn’t cute as a freshman. so young after all. and what with the cuteness of freshman brien standing next to me when i was introduced to her i think maybe i was overwhelmed by the youngness of it all. mmm freshman brien….so cute….

what is it with me and freshman? i mean there was brien. and then there was the one who i stalked for TWO FULL YEARS. well you have to hand to me the fact that he stopped being a freshman after that first year. although he did remain a strange dwarf throughout. did my weird midget fetish also escalate from that period, i wonder? i also wonder if i looked really hard if i could find the copy i made of SDK’s UPS college application (minus the essay, which always pissed me off. why didn’t they start saving those earlier? bastards.) that is hardcore my friends. stealing private documents even after i signed that skimpy piece of paper promising not to divulge any secrets nor to indulge my power trips. when will people learn not to trust my work ethic? when but only when?

once i was walking along to class from the SUB up past whatever that hall was called (holy crap i’ve forgotten some of the names. i worked in that building for like 2.5 years and now i can’t even remember what it was called. moan, i miss college) anyway. walking. and he was walking in front of me to somewhere else and i totally followed him. even though he was not going where i wanted to go. i hung back. i paused. i pretended to be searching for things in my bag. whatever. i almost followed him right into the library. but i stopped myself at that point and turned around to go back to my building.

then another time, marina and i were leaving the library and walking around the back to her car and he was sitting at those new desks they had installed in the front windows. and he was totally watching us (i think by this point my stalkerish behavior had been noted), and marina and i were giggling while i attempted to convince her that we should most definitely not walk back in there and say hi. but she escaped my confining grasps all the same and waved at him big and cheerily from right there outside. i was mortified. he waved back. i drug marina away and roundly berated her all the way home. and then some more.

things got better. we were sort of one a first name basis. even though i could never call him by his real name so avoided the subject altogether generally. there was even a point where hugging became ok. he came to my house in california once over spring break when we were all down here visiting. i gave him some of my bookcases when i moved out and left tacoma, i even inscribed the undersides of the shelves with slogans such as “SDK all the way!” and “the FAK is back!” and then he went and had a “religious experience” with johnny’s girlfriend for which i still haven’t forgiven him. even though it was the summer after i had left. maybe he was sad. but most likely it had nothing to do with me whatsoever. whatsoever.

so. here today you get a picture of erica, astroturf, and jolie. and a long complex, and possibly boring, story about my favorite stalkee.

once upon a time i had a different webpage. this was before gene got cementhorizon to work and we were all making do the best way we could. and on that page one day i decided to have a haiku contest. the amount of boredom that i was suffering in my job at that point knew no bounds. so haiku contest, ok? and for the contest aspect of it i thought that we should have some sort of a prize for whoever we judged the winner to be. and i made two polls, one for best haiku and one for the prize so people could vote fairly. it ended up being less than fair admittedly when i gave myself 10,000 votes and laughed in the face of everybody’s outrage. but whatever. you know what?–honestly the old page has nothing to do with this post because not only did erica not even submit a haiku, she didn’t win the poll either since i did by dint of copious cheating. and the prize was tied between the big ass trampline from sam’s club and a porn story to follow up ninjaporn. (holy crap. 95 people have voted on the ninjaporn poll. who the fuck has been reading that i wonder?) i was just SUPPOSED to make sure personal porn and erica won because i had already written a little something something and didn’t want it to go to waste.

the real point here is that erica asked for a porn story of her own involving michael rosensomething who plays lex luthor on the stupid superman smallville wb show. and i wrote one. possibly she did not mean for me to post it here. umm…possibly i shouldn’t post it here. CERTAINLY NONE OF YOU SHOULD READ IT. oh dood. it makes me seriously uncomfortable. 1)what was i thinking? 2)did i actually just give literary scope to erica’s breasts? 3)is that line about the sperm floodgates really necessary, (kristen)? but for whatever reason you like, possibly we should blame my need to have all literary efforts, even excessively personal ones, appreciated, i give you: PORN.

(click on the picture to download the word document.)

note. i put this up. i then took it down 2 hours later out of sheer embarresment. i am now putting it back up. i am still however horrified at myself. we shall see if it stays up longer than 2 hours this time. i don’t think anyone saw it last time. people are probably going to see it this time. moan. this is soooo not a good idea. don’t be offended. DON’T BE REPULSED. it’s ok. everything is going to be ok. note 2. erica totally said i could put it up. she really really did.

so marina just, JUST, sent me these pictures, and already i am displaying them for the world to see. this is only going to matter to like 4 people who know marina, jenny, and scott bailey, but whatever. the pictures are from halloween 2002.

katie, (marina’s housemate), mark (marina’s housemate), marina, and scott bailey.

mark and scott bailey.

scott bailey and his girlfriend, nicole.

someone named mike, marina, and jenny.

oh holy crap. not that any of you will really care about this, but i bet people searching for sugar shoes will care. all those girls that find that long ago post and then KEEP ASKING FOR LINKS ON WHERE TO FIND THE SHOES EVEN THOUGH IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. fucking stupid girls. don’t deserve the sugar shoes. but i think everybody, and particularly me whose birthday is not so far off (shut up), deserves every single item of sugar makeup, lotion, bath bubbles, fun fun cute cute! whee!

sugar cosmetics list

seriously, this sephora magazine thing just came to me in the mail. in the mail. and i’m flipping thru it going, hmm de hmm whatevs yo, and i turn the page and there! there right in front of my face is some of the fucking cutest make-up ever. fuck i wonder if they test on animals. goddammit. if i can’t buy this makeup i am going to be so fucking pissed. mainly at them for not being ethically aware, but still…

you know what’s funny is that some people make posts about the world, politics, reality. and i, i make posts about make-up and how much consumerrily i want some. yes i know that’s not a word. but isn’t it a good one?

mono no aware.

i went to the big b to see the big daddy to buy some paint so this guest bedroom could become more than just a theoretical thing. i got paid effusive compliments again about how nice i smell newly showered. i chewed him out for not coming to christmas with me so that now jeff is coming instead and made him promise to come next year. i got funny looks from the real men at the hardware store. i’m betting big daddy got some jovial ribbing about the girl he spent over 30 minutes with in the corner “making paint.” and i think, i *think*, i indirectly got asked out. and not that i could go on a date with the big d, even if i particularly wanted to because my bro would fucking blow a fuse a mile high and i would not want to be around when that happened, but still…maybe i should have indirectly accepted. maybe.