Nyotaimori

it looks as if my invitation to fight did not actually drum up interest in the CH birthday party. it did lose me kim as a friend though. in hopes of rectifying my banning from sushi zone, i’ve taken some photos.

my brother gave me a plastic model sushi set (since he knows how much i really love sushi) and kim, here’s puppy eye begging at you, kid. look how sad i am eating only rice! let me have some delicious raw salmon!

in one final, (truthful), attempt to gain party-goers, i also present you with a photo of my brilliant (and disgusting) CH-themed jell-O shots. i tried one of the pink ones and almost puked. though i could see the alcohol fumes wafting out of my mouth. i might be drunk. all right, i’m not drunk. but if i ate like…4, i might be tipsy. the yellow ones do smell worse, but maybe they taste better. here’s hoping.

so come celebrate the 5th birthday of cementhorizon. rsvp at cementhorizon.com for the address if you don’t have it already. 8pm tonight.

and no punching!

today i bought the jello with which to make jello shots. flavors: strawberry kiwi and island pineapple. this is going to be revolting. i’m no longer sure why i volunteered to make these. i don’t plan on really eating/drinking/oh come on, just slurping, many of them. AND i realized they’ll be full of horse hooves thus negating their appeal to the vegetarians of the group. but people, do you not remember the oreo cookie cheesecake fiasco of 1998? can you really afford to pass up anything i make with gelatin in it? that cheesecake was a taste sensation, all right? i can still remember the looks on your faces when you bit into it and it tried to wiggle away from your bicuspids. good times, good times.

(maybe we could just have a jello food fight? shh, keep it on the downlow, if the hosts find out they might disinvite us)

why am i pre-emptively trying to cause a riot? why?

and so the sand in the hourglass of our life pours pornographic gold into my lap.

i’m perusing the high school newspaper/magazine thing today when a story about a visiting exchange student catches my eye. in it he is describing a traditional easter ritual from his home country.

he says,

“Easter is a very fun holiday in the Czech Republic. All the girls stay home and decorate the eggs while the men put together twigs to make decent whipping sticks [already you can see this story going somewhere beautiful, can’t you?].

“The guys then go around like trick-or-treating [!!!] and gently [!] hit the girls on their bottom and ask for eggs.”

boys, we’re instituting a little czech this easter. who’s with me?

…………………………………………………………………..when’s easter?

in preparation for the knock-down, drag-out fight i know is coming this saturday at the CH birthday bash, i’ve been taking instruction from some of the punk high school girls i work with. yesterday at the library, they showed me the many, many scars on their knuckles from punching other girls in the face who had braces. now, former friends, aren’t you glad none of us has metal teeth straighteners? no one has to get permanently marked here. let’s all remember that when the fists start flying.

for five years now i’ve been lying. for i am an evil care bear deciever (which you would understand if you too had endured the ridiculous ghost rider movie). the thing is that i don’t even like sushi. raw fish? that’s disgusting.

in retribution for this five year long deception, come to the CH 5 year birthday party and punch me in the face. see you there.

WHEN: Saturday, February 24, starting 8pm

WHERE: the Castro, San Francisco. email rsvp at cementhorizon.com for the exact address.

more info in previous post here.

the whales may have been going to mate in baja, but some of the dolphins mated right in front of us.

pictures of me, sean, gene, kristen, and nuala whale watching (for free!) in santa barbara here.

yesterday i met a hot fireman at the local safeway.

“hey.” he said to me in the checkout line.

“um. hi?” i replied while fixated on the 40s he held in his hands. was he going to drink it all? on duty? what if he tried to put a fire out with his pee? his pee-pee might explode!