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Shadowrun that is mostly about how funny Adam is

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In the final Shadowrun game that Gene hosted he tried to kill all of us and I got drunk and found pretty much everything Adam said to be hilarious. The next day, when I also got drunk, Adam was eying me askance and Rob called me blotto two days after that. Do I have a drinking problem? I haven’t drunk since then. Except, you know, water. And lemonade. Oh, and fascinating coconut water flavored with berries by my fave fruit bar manufacturer, SunRype. Gah, I love them. I love them a little too much lately though because that’s a lot of fiber. Drum cymbal noise. And on that note.

This final game was game day in the game. Game game game. The dogs were racing and a lot of stuff was happening.Mostly concession snack eating. Mostly.

Jacob tried to remind us that it wasn’t all about cotton candy.

Yacob: I do not want five years from now to be killed by a bookie. Now is the time for the serious time. One must make executive decision in this trying time, yes?

This is due to the fact that there’s an unconscious man in the back of his truck who has seen some of our faces and we’re trying to decide what to do about him. Yacob’s solution is clear. The method is unclear.

Emmy: Do you not have a silencer?

Yacob (winking outrageously): No. I make LOUD bang.

Ridge has a knife. Yacob has upholstery fears.

Yacob: Scott! We have knife but no bucket! You break neck.

Eventually the security guard is dead. It’s amazing how long it took to happen though. If I had been there…

End of that scene:

Yacob: I go, I suppose, loiter.

Smoky: Loiter….Murder….Eh.

Scott: We’re an all or nothing crew.

So then we’re still kind of waiting for shit to happen, right? Actually, I guess some of us are in a firefight at the bookie building. But Scott and Ridge are just hanging out.

Scott to Ridge: You wanna go get a hot dog or a fro-yo or something? I like that I’m in a tux and eating a corn dog.

Then Yacob and Alfred are both shot. But heaven forbid some mustard gets on the suit. Roll for stains.

I’m not sure how this was going to come in handy, but…

Scott: I have Matrix theory.

Emmy: Matrix fury?

Scott: That would be better. Matrix fury. In theory.

Emmy: (laughing hysterically. Hey. Drunk, here.)

Oh, it might have had to do with the computer hacking plan. Or the sniper on the roof circumnavigating the surveillance cameras plan. Anyway, in theory, he should have also known what eating eight corn dogs would do.

Scott: I am vomiting up corn dogs in the corner.

But in theory doesn’t apply to Scott’s relationship with food. I’m pretty sure I am narrowly escaping death at this point from a stupid magician who spelled me.

Scott: Every so often, I reach up and pick a piece of funnel cake and eat it. Brush off the powder sugar. Wouldn’t want to dirty my suit. It’s a hard life.

I’m unconscious. Gene is checking what the players are doing.

GM: You’re at serious (Emmy). You’re at medium (Alfred and Yacob). Everyone else is fine, right?

Scott: I feel a little bloated from the corn dogs.

GM: Roll for bloat.

This stupid magician falling from the sky (jumped out of a plane) is bugging everyone. Yacob has a plan to shoot him but is waiting for him to come into range while I’m unconscious and Ridge is on fire. Possibly Alfred is also unconscious.

Scott: You’re going to be so upset when he turns out to be Bob Hope.

Yes, we really are.

At the end, Yacob did shoot the magician. We all survived. We protected the one dog from the magician. And we fixed the race (in (matrix) theory. At least we got the hacker in and out). But we didn’t re-kidnap the pretty dog for the lady who hired us. And it was midnight. So we gave up.

Yacob: We can crush a woman’s hope and dreams.

The End.

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Shadowrun Parts 5 and 6

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In honor of the fact that the last Shadowrun game is tonight, I’m going to give you my favorite lines from the previous two sessions. Somehow I either didn’t take notes the first Gene-run game or I lost them. You get what you get.

For past games see here and here and here.

So this game is being run by Gene and has all the same characters as the one Jacob ran–Emmy the troll (me), Scott the Batman (Adam), Smoky the high shaman (Ivan), and Alfred the yacht owning rich magician (Aaron). But it also has Yacob the short, smelly, bad English speaking guy (Jacob) and Ridge the poor dice rolling thief (Tami).

In the first one, we fought out in the mountains against ant people. In this one we are in the city attending a dog race. We’re protecting 1 dog, stealing a 2nd dog (back), and fixing the track betting bookie system with some computer whiz guy we’re sneaking in. TOO MANY JOBS.

In the first 3 sessions we made it thru like two weeks of doing not much. In tonight’s session it’s like 4 hours to race time and a lot of shit is going to hit the fan. As they say.

So ahem, without further ado.

They’re discussing our background music and arguing what movie it’s from.

Adam: Where Sylvester Stallone plays a soccer goalie.

Ivan: Oh yeah.

Me: What?

Gene: It’s actually Gangs of New York of all things.

Where we’re eating dinner and talking about one of the dogs and how we need to know what he looks like so Alfred can impersonate him.

Yacob: What was he wearing?

Emmy: Ear cocked? Half-cocked?

Ridge/Tami: Tastes like salmon.

Hilarious because why would the dog be wearing clothes? My question was mocking, but still more astute. And Tami was in her own little word of hating fish flavors in dinner.

GM: These aren’t the dogs you’re looking for.

Because we always need a little Star Wars reference in our role-playing.

Alfred needs to learn a new spell to impersonate one of the dogs if he shape-shifts and switches places.

Alfred: I’m pretty sure I can learn to glow.

Scott: Or we’ll go to the party store and get you some glow sticks.

GM: And play some German techno music.

GM: Ah-ah-ah-ahem. Woof. Bow-wow.

I’m pretty sure that’s either because we asked what the dogs sound like so Aaron could fake it. OR he was role-playing what Aaron would sound like as a dog. Or maybe a dog was actually barking? Hard to say. Either way, hilarious.

Random lines:

Yacob: Has dog killed a man?

GM: Johnny Cash style?

Alfred: I touch myself and glow.

Scott: That’s not a rocket launcher in my pocket.

Emmy: Cause you left it on a roof up north.

Oh I bring back that joke.

Ivan shows up late the second day because he had to go to the hospital because he stepped on glass and had no trauma patches (yes, that last part’s a game joke).

Gene: Did you get it out?

Ivan: No.

The man had glass in his foot so far in they couldn’t remove it and he still came to Shadowrun. Plus, he came ON HIS BIKE.

Emmy: It’s bed and ration bar time.

I have priorities.

In the limo at 11am with Scott and Alfred:

GM: Pass the cheese plate.

We argue about how we will do some of the jobs we have without arousing suspicion.

Scott: I think a clipboard, a hard hat and a confident wave will get you in.

We go to a bar to meet some guy who is hot. For something… We seriously played weeks ago, I don’t remember. Tami suggests he looks like Johnny Depp in Alice. Ridge and Emmy try to flirt.

GM: Give me a charisma test.

Emmy: One success! Suck on that charisma!

(I have very low charisma as a troll)

GM: He notices you blinking your eyes.

Emmy: He might just think we have something in them.

Ridge: He offers us visine.

Adam’s plans to confound Gene proceed apace. I like that this is his ultimate goal in the game. Well, this and cheese plates in limos.

Scott: I plug in ‘Group Behavior’ Soft.

GM: What does that do?

Scott: Deal with it, Gene! I don’t know!

Ridge is trying to plant explosives under the truck of the company we’re going to steal a dog from and keeps getting shitty dice rolls and attracting attention from guards. I am trying to protect her so I throw her over the fence so she can hide.

Scott: Stick the landing!

Yacob: For stealth!

Smoky: 9.5.

I do not remember what this next bit was about but I remember the giggling.

Smoky: What are you wearing?

Scott: What are YOU wearing?

Adam then proceeds to giggle like a girl for at least 30 seconds.

OK! Last one tonight. Will I punch people? FINGERS CROSSED. I hope we save the pretty dog. And that none of us dies.

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Not actual shit, though I suspect given a chance we would blow that up too.

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The last day of Shadowrun was long. And it was the day immediately following Day 2 in real life. Also I was in an incredible amount of pain from what I would refer to as a Category 5 Period on a scale of 1 to 5. Let me put this into perspective for you:

1. I wore pajamas to the game because all other clothing was too horrible to face. (FACE. Oh, I bring it back.)

2. I had those self-adhesive heating pads stuck to my front and back to really sandwich my revolting uterine wall and it’s sloughing. Damn uterus.

I feel most people who play Shadowrun (witness my 4 fellow players) don’t have this kind of problem. But honestly I would wear pajamas to all events if I thought I could get away with it.

So, day 3. We were still trying to get the Lorenzo away from the butt-plug (it’s butt is a plug) ant-lion. We were failing pretty miserably.

Alfred tried to cast a levitating/shield spell around Lorenzo to get him away from the ant lion and his giant, giant pincers.

Alfred: Can I call my spell ‘Hamster Ball’?

Does this really need an answer? Rhetorical.

Gene decides to dump sand on the ant-lion with the earth mover machine (large mining equipment).

Scott: Sand beats sand.

Rusty: Let’s do this thing.

You know what I like best about playing with boys? Their desire to fuck shit up. What I liked least about this plan though was that all the sand they dumped had to go past me first as I descended into the pit. But the main point here is: boys and toys. Which leads me to:

Smoky: This TNT is just for personal use.

I don’t even want to know. He didn’t get that name for nothing.

Adam became very sleepy. He slept sitting up for at least the last hour of the game. At several points we were just messing with him. But often he messed with himself.

Scott: I don’t get into the cab, I’m in the cab.

Scott: I would like to talk to Bob.

I’m pretty sure the self-conversation about being in the cab went on for at least 5 minutes. And you know what? He was in the cab the whole time. The second one was when we made him call someone to use his “corporate etiquette skill”. Who knew that would come in handy? Oh, wait. It didn’t. He wanted to know the name of the person. Jacob made one up. The fact that it was Bob was too much for Adam to handle at 11pm. The conversation quickly degenerated. Rusty hung up the phone.

At the end, we got Lorenzo back, we earned our money (which did not equal the cost of items Gene lost/used on this run). We also got some shiny stone worth a ton but Scott’s “fencing skill” was not up to the task of black market unloading. But hey, at least we all survived. And now Gene is going to Game Master a turn and Jacob is going to play. Also Tami is joining in the fun. What will happen next? I don’t even know. I bet it will be good.