I spend a lot of time IM’ing with Paul Ryan the Third at work. Below is a small example of this.

Sent at 4:30 PM on Thursday

Michele: what’s that purple pumpkin on your desk have in it?
why am i asking?!?!

Paul: boogers

Michele: i do not want any!
oh good
i really don’t want any

Paul: it’s not actually boogers

Michele: well but you need a place to store those
for later snacking
have you seen this ticket: ?
[Note: we get support tickets from people accessing sites we manage and this one was from some dude and the only text was “I’m new here.” And his name.]
he’s new here.

Paul: ha ha

Michele: i like his succinct attitude and brevity of manner.

Paul: hi, greg. what are your hobbies?

Michele: my hobbies are putting new sheets on the bed, opening a new box of kleenex, and smelling that new car smell.
the man knows what he likes. and he likes what he knows–ie being new.

[Note: heard Paul stifling laughter across the room.]

Sent at 4:41 PM on Thursday

Paul: cool, greg! those are great hobbies. Do you ever publish serious academic papers in obscure fields?

Michele: i sure do!
new age theory and cross-cultural explorations
that’s one
and New-merical Maths.
that’s the other.

Paul: that’s super, Greg. I have several journals that would be just perfect for you and I’d be happy to submit your wacky discipline to our list of disciplines and, with a little luck, it could be approved in our next quarterly release

Michele: New-riffic!

This is maybe more hilarious if you spend all day at our job like we do.