scabies survivor

i had this other webpage. the scabies one. which was the first one gene gave me before i moved over to sushi. and now gene is moving everything from the east coast to the west coast and clearing stuff out in the process. so i am rescuing all that i care about from the scabies webpage to go here so that it can be deleted. i decided all i really wanted still on the internet from there was our haiku contest page. so here you shall find haiku war transplanted.

(it’s really long so i am making it an extended read)

(gene, feel free to delete scabies now)

AAAAA-CHOOOOOO! HAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIKU!

jacob=sexual dogs, gene=scabies, michele=blow jobs JACOB AND MICHELE = WAR, FULL OUT VICIOUS WAR WITH NO CASUALTY LIMITS, NO NEGOTIATING, NO FRIENDLY FIRE, NO ROASTING OF MARSHMALLOWS AT THE FRIENDLY FIRE, NO GAMES OF “FIND THE SOAP” IN THE LOCKER ROOM, NO PEACE–ONLY WAR.

out of sheer boredom. both with work and discussing gayness. i am starting a new page. a contest page! so the contest is to submit haikus and then we’ll judge them (group effort) and then the winner will get a prize. i welcome prize suggestions along with haiku submissions. however, let’s be honest it’s not going to be much of a prize. my thought so far is that maybe for the winner(s) s/he/they could request a favorite dessert and i could make it and we could have a party. a dessert-eating party. cause who doesn’t like dessert, right? the problem with this is obviously marina and jenny who live too far away to have a dessert eating party. so we would have to come up with a different prize if one of them won. which we could do. i have faith in our ability to come up with prizes. could always send cookies or something too. or brownies. or cake with the frosting in a can. whatever. hmmm…or also i just got some discount tickets for marine world. we could go there. and ……everybody could chip in to cover the winner’s ticket. once again damn you marina and jenny. and gene. and anyone else who lives far away. who would actually submit a haiku in the first place. well anyway let’s not let me get ahead of myself. no prizes need to be decided on until i see if anyone actually sends me a haiku.

(i knew i could count on jacob. the one person who is possibly more bored at work than i am.)

Discussing the gays

They trip the light fantastic

Everyone’s jealous

-jacob

Soft white flakes drift down

Piled up drifts fell a tree

Life in dandruff hell

-jacob

Soft tongue probes an ear

Panting excitement, hot breath

Dogs are sexual

-jacob

wax build-up invites

my savage licking frenzy.

no one calls me dog.

-michele

i must make dessert.

meaningless, my life, this game,

i cannot win pie.

-michele

Jacob’s brain don’t work

I can feel my mind going

You damn dirty ape

-jacob

Jacob bored at work?

Haikus take thirty seconds

Their joy lasts forever

-jacob

August months drip sweat

Winter finds me icy cold

The life of a crotch

-jacob

Birds twitter in trees

I contemplate rolling hills

Tube tops and hot pants

-jacob

Sexual haikus

Consistent theme with Jacob

Dangerous at work

-jacob

Whispering warm breeze

Soft grass lifts me towards the sky

Wolves devour squirrels

-jacob

Sticky, salty, wet.

Oozing, coating private flesh.

No, it’s not butter.

-jacob

Jesus-looking guy

Gets a hummer from a nun

Son of God snowballed

-jacob

marina could date

and blow jesus looking guy.

why does she refuse?

-michele

Scratching itchy skin

Parasites now eating me

Scabies make me sad

-gene

jenny fucking nick

no fuck and i will be sick

come on jen, suck dick.

-michele

(oh shit i’m so sorry about that. i was trying to rhyme and it just came out.)

Michele’s dirty mind

Wishes Jenny oral sex

Someone is jealous

-jacob

fellatio sucks

never again with some lucks

not even for bucks

-michele

Michele’s a bad sport

One should give, thusly receive

Spirit of Christmas

-JACOB

Slurp slurp slurp slurp slurp

Inappropriate haiku

Makes Michele saw “ew”

-jacob

ew ew ew ew ew

ew ew ew ew ew ew ew

ew ew ew ew ew!

-michele

Nonsensical words?

Paronomastically, you

waste away the days.

-Kim

Cosby lied to us,

There’s always room for Jell-o?

Not in bronchioles

-jason

Jenny, suck Nick’s dick,

Suck suck suck his dick dick dick,

Nick’s dick, a fine place to lick.

-jason

(oh, shit, I’m sorry about that too, but I was trying to rhyme “lick” and “Nick’s dick” and it just came out)

musical nonsense

papa’s tasty pizza crusts

friday night, okay?

-kristen

cake is so yummy

cheese cake, angel food, carrot

cake- I eat them all

-kim

insane alcohol

it’s the BEST kind of party

dancing with lamp shades

-kim

You were born today

Birthday is a joyous thing

Closer to the grave

-jacob

eight years till thirty

better start making babies

the clock is ticking

-michele

vote for me! I will

buy you all a tasty whore.

(gender of your choice.)

-kristen

oh michele ma belle

something something french something

french, michele ma belle

ineedyou ineedyou i neeeeed you

that’s all i needed to say

iloveyou iloveyou i looooovvve you

-michele’s secret admirer/michele’s figmentative imagination/michele’s invisible friend/ michele’s sub-conscious desires/michele’s pathetic life.

I do not think so

even if nick were still here

I do not give head

–jenny

Cheaters can suck it

Playah hatin’ my mad skillz

Moral victory

I’m talking to YOU, Ms. 10,000 votes.

-jacob

with ten thousand votes

you can suck my fucking cock

moral vic. this, bitch.

-michele

This foolish contest

Makes a mockery of art–

I wish I could win.

-jenny

Yes, Nick is long gone

But all hope is not yet lost

He is coming back.

-jenny

Nick is coming back

But still I will not do him

Unhappy Michele.

-jenny

Why should I do Nick

When I could be having sex

with eighteen year olds?

-jenny

click here to see the poll results for whose haiku was the best.

click here to see the poll results for what the prize for the winner was. (although erica won by getting the porn story sequel. but maybe everyone was a winner in that case.)