There’s a new girl at work I have a slight girl-crush on. You know what I mean where she’s just so pretty and witty? But not so much where you hate her, where instead you just want her around all the time. It doesn’t hurt that she thinks I’m awesome and tells me so often.

I was IM’ing with her last week about a Disney movie, Teen Beach Movie, I’d half-heartedly seen part of the night before while making lemon curd cupcakes (which she referred to as “soul-balm” and thanked me effusively by telling me I was a darling and she loved me).

Emily then introduced me to the word “butterface” to refer to one of the Teen Beach leads.



I professed him as adorbs. Emily’s response? “you have a loving heart.” But seriously, who uses “butter” derogatorily? Isn’t this like Sean’s joke about how “It sucks” should be a good thing? Butter is delicious not just to those with loving hearts like me but to all the peoples, everywhere. Maybe not the peoples with allergies to dairy. But they can suck it.

Emily continued to disagree with me: “i mean, ok, if you’re into this little fella, i accept you. i guess i like men who look like roman warriors. at the play the other night, i was like: “god, patrick stewart. he’s really GOT it. om nom nom.”
poor butter. the BUTT-er of so many unfounded jokes.

Pretty sure this is precisely what she meant.

Pretty sure this is precisely what she meant.

Me: butter-face is much older in the movie than in that picture you found
and patrick stewart is ALSO much older now than in that picture I just found

Emily: hahahaha.

Me: p.stew is in fact OLD

Emily: his face is HANDSOME

Me: well, that is true
but he has old man BUTT

Emily: i could totally see he was wearing high cut undies in the play because he was crawling around.
patrick stewart that is.
i saw his undie lines.

you are making me jealous AND nauseous
was the play good?

Emily: that’s probably the right reaction.
it was WAY too abstract.

Me: cause i don’t love pinter
that’s why i don’t love pinter

Emily: exactly. it was like beckett tries to be oscar wilde TOO briefly and then is back to beckett.
= pinter.

Me: this is why even tho i really wanted to see THEM
i really didn’t want to see the PLAY

Emily: i was on the front row, and therefore was, like, twenty feet from their persons. THAT was cool. but i wished they were, like, in a comedy of manner or something. something with an actual plot.

Me: well at least you got to see their persons at a range of 20 feet before you, (or they, probably they), died.
that’s pretty rad

Emily: i did think about that. i’m into it. but i did want them to point to me in the crowd and be like “you. you’re a star. come party with us.”

Me: well sure. that’s just normal reaction

Emily: sigh. i am like everyone else after all.

Me: no!
you’re totally special!
who did i tell about secret cupcakes?
sadly secret cupcakes are gone now

Emily: (weeps quietly)

Me: there was one left when i was in there

Emily: PAUL!