michele

at the high school i work at, i’ve been given the job of creating online content to promote the library. yes, a library blog is in the works. and it is swell, friends, no joke. i’ve got a whole voice and style thing going on there. these punk kids are going to flip. or at least they might if it wasn’t the crappiest webpage software known to man. portfolios? that’s like so 90’s. plus it’s only viewable within the school’s network system. hello, that is retarded.

several people (ok, jason and jacob) asked to see some of the blog and their faces reflected scandalized curiousity. so i’m sharing a post from december 6 with you here:

You may be wondering who the man behind the curtain is, so I thought I’d give you some wholly unasked for information. First off, I’m not a man, nor am I going to offer you a way home by shoe-tapping or hot air ballooning. What I am going to gift you with is books, information, and the joy of reading.

My name is Michele, and I’m the new library aide who keeps your library open till 6pm. Hopefully this is so you can come here and work on school projects–write papers, compute calculus problems, research French split-infinitives. Hopefully this is not so you can chat with friends or watch videos till someone comes to pick you up (you know who you are :). So, along with updating this website–adding content, pandering to the crowd, racking my brain for trivia questions–I’d also like to be asked questions by you. So if you need help with researching a paper or have a question on how to do MLA citations, let me know! On the other hand, if you’re having trouble with math or science ask one of the tutors–Mr. Teixeira or Mr. Bouett–because my lack of knowledge on those two fronts is nothing short of embarrassing.

in addition the blog has other pages, including: a trivia quiz, new additions, new releases, book reviews, links, and book lists. it’s the bomb diggity, i’m telling you. i totally earn my keep at this job and deserve every penny of that $15/hour for the two whole hours i work here a day.

it’s possible that if you spent 8 solid hours checking in library materials, you too would rent barbie as the princess and the pauper.

i couldn’t find something BETTER to borrow? seriously, i must have checked in at least 200 videos today.

a lot of the time, i talk to inanimate objects in a tone of voice that’s expecting a reply. if i’m around kristen when i do this, she replies in a silly voice. i finished a book this morning by terry pratchett called wintersmith. the witches in it visit each other for chats to make sure one hasn’t cackled (which means to go mad). when my inanimate conversation counterparts don’t verbally reply to me, courtesy of kristen, i actually feel more cackled than when they do. this is probably because they reply in my head. at least when kristen speaks for them i can tell it’s her and not them. i don’t think this is a good sign.

because i am a huge dork, last night i watched the librarian: return to king solomon’s mine. which is a sequel to the librarian: quest for the spear. a lovely cross between indiana jones and romancing the stone with a librarian hero–the second one is way stupider than the first. they DO both star noah wyle. but hey, at least i have another adventure librarian role model to worship. rachel weisz in the mummy remains the favorite by far.

not being an adventure librarian who travels to egypt and/or rescues the spear that stabbed J.C. is pretty easy so far. last week, i put up holiday decorations at the high school and was given a free computer to take home. at the public library, i am praised daily (or at least thrice weekly, which is when i work). these accolades are not special though when you take into account that they are merely because i’m not a slack-jawed imbecile. they have low standards for my position. and in library school, i’m pretty sure i’ll get an A in both classes even though both my final paper and datastructure were only B quality work. i think in actuality i really qualify as a B student who only gets A because of the crap schools i attend. that’s depressing on many levels.

moo is really only pretending to be friends here. they are not yet friends. i have to say i’ve learned a valuable lesson in getting a second cat. i can’t have 2 cats if i get them at different times anymore. they either have to grow up together or i can only have one at a time. i miss the time when it was just moo and i. then again, i also miss the time when i didn’t have to give moo 2 pills a day or shove a gigantic needle into her ruff and drip IV fluid into her. i miss my youth. maybe i *should* consider the chicken shit or human baby fetuses.

for someone who was cut open today to remove all possibilities of motherhood, my new kitten is remarkably active.

last year on gilmore girls, there was an episode where sookie was helping lorelai plan her wedding to luke. he kept interrupting with questions or assumptions and she would yell at him every time, “luke! who am i?!” and he would reply in a tone of irritated bemusement so common to his character, “you’re sookie.” and sookie would get a gleam in her eye while asserting, “no. i’m the BFOTB–the Best Friend Of The Bride.”

this weekend was my turn to be the BFOTB. erica and i drove down to san diego on saturday to spend all day sunday shopping for wedding dresses with marina. marina, as you may or may not know, is getting married next august to mark. i’m to be the maid of honor/bridesmaid/ONLY ONE. that’s a lot of responsibility for me. i mean, i already started hyperventilating at the thought of making a toast at the reception. picture me standing up, turning as bright red as my dress and saying in a very quick, squeaky voice, “congratulations to mark and marina! and…many happy returns.” and then missing my seat and splaying out on the ground in my haste to sit back down. this is going to be a disaster, people. anyone thinking of asking me to be a bridesmaid after viewing this farce will quickly rethink their decision, i am sure.

so, as you can imagine, we tried on many dresses on sunday. we also tried on quite a few that marina had pre-ordered from nordstroms in the privacy of her home. which, let me tell you, is an excellent way to try on dresses and realize that you are not at all the size you thought you were. it also, apparently, is an opportunity for marina to be remarkably unselfconsciously nude.

in the out-of-the-house shopping excursion, we didn’t buy any wedding dresses. erica did buy a lot of work clothes, and i did buy a completely irresponsible pair of high heels. i couldn’t resist their teal satiny gloss with ribbon tie! i probably should have resisted their excruciating height and narrow toe though. i’m still convinced i can find a bridesmaid dress to match them. not, admittedly, if marina has anything to say about it.

at one store (i believe it was neiman marcus) we discovered an amazing collection of goth dresses. i tried for an oddly extensive period to convince erica that i could wear this black lace dress with a white underlayer and have fingerless white lace gloves and a lace maid’s headband and be the absolute epitome of a cute goth-loli. she didn’t even really acknowledge my argument with words. she lifted an eyebrow and then walked away from me while i shook the dress at her in entreaty.

i want to point out that i could totally wear a black dress with a white/cream sash if marina got the BCBG dress with the black bust sash. how cute would that be?! especially if the boys wear black suits and not navy ones. navy, feh. you give this some thought, marina. because that dress, and its secretive photo op, is still my favorite. well…except i do still like the lace one. and the fish fin one is totally growing on me. though, i think it’s possible i will like best the one you’re getting friday OR that one at the stupid bridal store with all the buttons.

anyone in the market for 2 kittens? they’re 8 weeks old, solid gray, brother and sister. i, obviously, can’t take them, but if any of you, my loyal readers, are interested, let me know and i’ll put you in contact with the woman who rescued them from the streets and a life of crime.

my brother got a puppy and named him TYSON. there are so many things wrong with this development.