Categotry Archives: General

HAPPY BIRTHDAY YOU NAUGHTY, NAUGHTY GIRL.

The last couple of days I’ve been reading these really awful romance novels. Why? I don’t know. It could be because I’m an incorrigible romantic (most people will not agree with me on this one), or it coud be that I like reading trash, or it could be that I am just odd sometimes. Anyway, mind you this is nothing like the porn I wrote that one time(holy shit i just went to the ninjaporn page and there are 31 votes in the poll! who the hell has been voting there? dammmmnnnn man.), but here is a quote:

“‘Shall I remove my shirt?’ He asked, his hands already on the buttons. Sheridan hesitated, knowing that the removal of his clothing was only a prelude to her clothing being taken off. But then she thought that was bound to happen anyway whether he took his shirt off or not.” –Until You

hmmm….I do not actually have the book with me so that is poorly paraphrased. There’s this whole brilliant part where the men talk about being “desolate” without their wives for a couple of hours in order to humor those wacky womenfolk. Man oh man it has had me giggling like a mad little chortling fiend in the backseat of Kristen’s car on the way to and from work every morning the last 2 days. And that is pretty cool considering I’ve read this book enough times to have seriously damaged the cover and I’m sure I spotted some chocolate ice cream stains in there somewhere. Not only am I reading dirty things, I am dirty.

i ate so many smores this weekend. so many. but then i also walked at least 10 miles. so i feel it all evens out in the end. but does my end even out in the end? i just don’t think so.

and does this make up for the days of no posting? probably not. but whoops only 5 minutes before my work buddies will be zooming off in the car and i gots to go catch my ride.

i’ll do better tomorrow. i promise.

sigh apparently none of you like me getting a new job either.

i am so bored, i am practically begging for comments. moan. so pathetic.

going camping soon! argh why is it only 3pm?!

well apparently none of you like porn.

so i applied to a job at this small publishing house in berkeley called stone bridge press. and i think i might get an interview next week. how exciting is that? pretty damn sweet, lemme tell you. of course, it’s only 20 hours/week, $10/hour, no benefits, and possibly the boss is a little too intense. sigh. why can no job be perfect? why must working suck so much ass?

what is it with me lately and porn? i have no idea. mind you that is a pretty unobjectionable picture of sailor moon compared to some of the other ones i just looked at. and at work too. i am totally defiling this computer.

so last night, jason and i watched the first 2 episodes of queer as folk. holy shit, it should be called “folk who are sex addicts.” speaking of whacking off and letting me watch… well anyway, it was intense. the things i get thru netflix. (head shaking) it’s crazy.

and then this morning my inbox is again filled to overflowing with the glorious messages of free sex pics and the like. here is a quick sample:

from courtney: Adv:Adult: Too Hot To Handle? 🙂

from ?: Hi jakemydog ?

from cathy: THESE WOMEN WANT TO MEET YOU!

from Melvina Grossman: It’s gotta be the RIGHT Size! Extra Large.

from Legal Eagle (not porn but still funny.): Fuk_o Legal Problem?

from Sex Pic of the Day(i actually got 7 of these. all the same naked girl.): July 24, 20002 FREE Sex Pic

from uzthgensk: CELEBRITY GANGBANG AND YOURE INVITED!

this last is really my fave rave. this is what the text inside the message says:

Have you ever seen your favorite celeb with a load shot across her face? We have!

Have you ever seen your favorite celeb bent over and showing it all for the cameras without them knowing it? We have!

We have it all!!! All the uncut hard to find footage that they wish you wouldnt see!

But now you can see it right here for FREE!!!

i am a bit trepidatious about clicking on the link since i am at work. but if you’all want to try it go right ahead.

today i am wearing a tanktop that has a comic strip woman graphic saying, “beat it punk!!!”

i am curious as to whether anyone at work gets the subtle implication that it might mean, “whack off and let me watch” instead of just “scram.” i am now very worried about the state of these people’s gutter minds. how dirty are they? could they possibly be as nasty as me? it doesn’t seem very bloody likely.

you know what else i am worried about? the fact that i haven’t really been updating the movies page at all. this bothers me. it’s difficult to update 2 pages. and i am lazy. ooo i suck. and speaking of things that suck, there’s this oyster farm in oregon which has a t-shirt that says:

Shuck Me

Suck Me

Eat Me Raw

Oregon Oyster Farms

Newport Oregon

how pleasing is that? pretty great. i am very tempted by it. which is not all that surprising considering that other one i have:

hug me

kiss me

lick me

suck me

blow me

fuck me

mind you that one goes from big letters to small ones. and i could be remembering it wrong. i really just have a fond recollection of the tiny one that says “fuck me.”

PS. I forgot, but i wanted everyone to go look at this link for my brother’s clothing company. just in case you needed any clothes. 🙂 i’m going to add it to the links on the right too.

last night i watched “sheena,” the movie version from 1984. whoo boy, buck-o. that was some trashy gar-bage. at first it seemed so brill, but that quickly became a sorry, sorry ass lie.

“Also of interest, apparently there was someone else who auditioned for the role but did not get it, her name was Sybil. Although I think Tanya is far better looking, I have heard rumors that there was a lot more going on under the covers (nudge, nudge, wink, wink) that helped Tanya land the role.” wrote one fan on her webpage.

good lord could that really be true? it would make sense considering the movie’s attempts at being soft core porn. of course the nominal word there is “attempts.” naked sheena? yes. naked vic casey? yes. two naked people getting hot and heavy? no. goddamm but it was agravating. stupid cock tease of a movie.

on the other hand dialogue such as the following cannot be discounted from the pro side:

“I’m done for, babe. And all I can think to say is–Shit.”

i bet vic casey was wishing he’d gotten sheena to put him on fire rather than receiving “fatal degree burns.”