Categotry Archives: Movie Reviews

alfred hitchcock. ingrid bergman. gregory peck. salvador dali.

basically this movie was kind of….not so great. i mean the writing…oh god the writing…let me sum it up for you with the following scene:

fake dr. edwards/peck and dr peterson/bergman are off on a picnic falling in love at first site, ok? and in order to fully illustrate how they are now in love, he offers her a choice between a ham sandwich and a liverwurst sandwich. and she, she in the most romantic, lyrical, longing, sentimental voice possible says,

“liiiveerrwuuurst.”

it was painful to watch this. my explanation for how this fits into the plot is the following. ham is sane. liverwurst is insane. she chooses the insane choice. peck is playing a schizophrenic guilt complex insane man. she’s rather “love/live” with the “worst” choice possible than live alone with plain old ham, boring spinsterhood.

however the dream sequence which is gorgeously art directed by salvador dali is incredible. and if you only watch 5 minutes of this movie, please let it be those 5 minutes. fucking insanely incredible.

and one last thing. why is it that hitchcock’s supposed twist endings are always so flagrantly see through? it is so patently obvious who the killer is the entire movie that i was vaguely disgusted with the whole buildup to the point where ingrid bergman says, while clucthing peck’s head to her bosum, “it was an accident! you didn’t kill your brother! it was just a childhood accident!” you stupid psychological medical nonsense.

when i said one last thing, i meant wait for it there’s going to be another one. there’s this one line. brilliant. “women make the best psycho analysts. until they fall in love, and then they make the best patients.” ha ha ha! what a knee slapper, you silly old man. just you sit down and let me make you some coffee. with an egg in it. (WTF?!!)

transporters! more than meets the eye!

ok out of all the movies i saw this weekend. and i saw A LOT. as i think you can tell. or should be able to tell by now. (although let’s just say that 4 in one day is not a record. not even close.) uhh…point i had a point. right out of all of them the transporter was by far my fave rave. why you ask in stunned stupefaction? well because of 1)shu qi and 2)jason statham and 3)kung fu kicky kicky! explosions! guns! racing in cars! bang! whirr! whee! there was even some skydiving for those of us who are so inclined.

the plot was dumb. but whatever more than made up for by having a former porn star, actress, model, pop singer and a fucking sexy ass man who runs around sliding in oil and kicking some bad guys with no shirt on. you can’t go wrong. honestly.

besides the oil fight scene which incorporated the brill of those things you slide your feet onto while on a bicycle to pedal with, my favorite scene…well ok the 2nd most pornographic, and #1 suggestive scene, was when shu qi is tied up in the trunk and jason statham decides to give her a drink with a straw. but of course she has duct tape over her mouth and so he cuts this tiny slit in it so he can put the straw in and she starts sucking away. ok….bondage be my middle name i guess, but watching her drink thru a straw with tape on her mouth and her hair all messed up while she was trapped in a car with her hands tied behind her back = incredibly sexy. (although perhaps not as sexy to some as her porn debut, sex and zen. if you go to the link attached to “porn” above there’s a picture of the two girls with a flute and let’s just say there’s a scene where that flute is being inserted in some places it shouldn’t be and then going in and out both at the same time. ahem.)

the chase scenes were great, the fight scenes were even better. and i strongly recommend it if you are looking for a good mindless action film.

pretty much if the movie had ended like 20 minutes in after she gets in the bus accident and there’s this image which lasts a good couple of breaths (if you’re even still breathing because it’s that gorgeous) of her lying there with her side, leg, and vagina pierced by this lead pole and there’s gold dust floating everywhere, she’s covered in it and bright red blood while the white of her shirt and the tan of so much exposed flesh practically glows. it’s amazing. some of the imagery in the movie was just incredibly lush. which is not all that surprising i guess, since come on, frida kahlo. the part where she and diego go to new york and walk throught the murals is also impressive, just in sheer artistic scope.

my only complaint with the movie is length. as jason pointed out however, “it’s like her whole life or something.” but in a much more funny mocking tone of voice which made me laugh serious hard.

i also wish personally that i had known more about her artwork/looked at more of her paintings before seeing the movie. but that’s a fault of my own really.

diego luna was adorable and fucking as usual. edward norton guest starring was wicked cool. ashley judd’s dress was stunning and incredibly sexy, as was she. and selma hayek was a fucking incredible frida. she totally made that movie.

it’s currently only playing in one theatre in the bay area (how dumb is that?) but it’s the bridge theatre in sf at 3010 geary. i’m sure it will be in many many more places by the end of the month though. probably even the dome. so go see! it’s good!

sap. serious sap. and also….boring. well not boring exactly. but so PG it was squeaky. well except for that whirling dance sexy number alexis bledel did. but it was all coached in child transforming to woman ideology. followed the book pretty well i think. jason picked up a copy of it for 50 cents on the street for me somewhere soi’m going to try reading it again and look for any shocking discrepancies. but mainly i think the movie was just not very good. one good line was there though. when william hurt is telling winnie about why she shouldn’t drink the water he says, and you’ll grow up and “you’ll do something important with your life, maybe you’ll have children.” i almost puked on myself right there. damn you disney and your “woman, get in the kitchen barefoot and pregnant” messages! huff.

the following is an artilce thing i found online about the charlie’s angel sequel:

McG Gives Details on ‘Charlie’s Angels 2’

Zap2it.com

Sony has given selected members of the press a sneak peek at “Charlie’s Angeles 2: Full Throttle,” which is slated to hit theaters next summer.

The film, which stars returning Angels Drew Barrymore, Cameron Diaz and Lucy Liu, is shooting in Los Angeles, with the release date scheduled for July 27.

While all three of the Angels are back, one person who won’t be returning is Bill Murray, who played the role of Bosley in the film. Comedian Bernie Mac is replacing Murray in the same role, which returning director McG promises will be explained.

“There is going to be (an explanation) in the movie, but it’s handled subtly and I think you’re in for a very interesting treat in respect to the legacy of Bosley,” he says. “We have a little bit of fun with that.”

He adds that the sequel will have fewer “Hidden Dragon, Crouching Tiger”-styled fight sequences, with a lot of wire work and slow motion, that we saw so much of in “Charlie’s Angels.”

end.

but don’t they realize that the wire work and cool effects MADE that movie? what the fuck are they thinking having less. and bernie mac?! nothing good can come of that! heh.

admittedly la boheme is an opera and not a movie, but since it’s baz luhrmann’s production and he is somewhat of a movie guy i am cheating and posting what i thought of it here.

it’s gorgeous. i can’t even begin to describe how incredible the sets are. they are so amazing it’s scary. it’s basically as if you were sitting on the sound stage of moulin rouge and watching them build paris in front of you. they have these huge transferred photo backdrops, three story buildings, larger than life signs and constructions. and it’s all on this tiny little stage at the curran theatre on geary street in san francisco.

for those of you who don’t know, the opera is merely opening here in san francisco for a preliminary run before moving straight to broadway in november. if you want to read the san francisco chronicle’s review, go here.

the singing, the acting, the cast were all great but really it was the elaborate, while still attuned to the smallest detail, staging and set design that really struck me about this theatrical experience. although going out to dinner with one of the ensemble members and hearing lots of backstage dirt on the production was pretty fucking sweet too.

so although i would love to say, hey peeps go see this. i really don’t feel i will because i spent $90 on a ticket and i know there is no fucking way any of you who read this would ever spend that much to see an opera. but it was incredible and i at least am so glad i got the oppurtunity not only to go, but also to have some of the best seats in the house thanks to mansard connections. (go ady!)

On Sunday I took my mom to see the french movie 8 Women at the Dome (not in the Dome, mind you, because of course my fucking big cock fat ass greek stoopid wedding is back in the dome.) Imagine my surprise when the movie turned out to have musical numbers. color me shockfaced. it was a fjords revelation, i’m telling you.

the movie was good. intrigue, 8 female characters and pretty much nothing else, lots of lesbians on the sly, fake settings, fucking song and dance numbers, (i mean come on it doesn’t get much better than emmanualle beart singing about how she lives her life up or down taking chances and seductive swinging and ludivine with virginie and catherine deneuve singing backup on how her father doesn’t know everything. poppy number…pop pop poppy pa pa pa. pa pa pa. mon pere, mon dieu!)

It’s in french with subtitles, of course. and the pacing is kind of slow. but some of the shots are fantastic, the plot is convulted and only a little hole-y. the twist is good though a little expected. one of the revelations is wholly unecessary and completely undealt with. but whatever. actually more than one of them. hmm…. still an intertesting movie based mainly on the casting and playing of all female leads and the setting in basically one room of one house and the inability to leave (due to snow. but also to feminine trapped syndrome.)

my advice: video is nice. make sure you watch it in widescreen though. spending $8 though is probably not necessary.