Nyotaimori

(amc kabuki 8, by self, 4/2/04)

seth green seth green. his first appearance goes into slow-mo even. whimper.

and buffy and linda cardellini:

“i’m not hot!” -velma

“i’m not either!” -daphne

said while crawling around on the floor. and then velma wears red leather and asks seth green who his mommy is. eep.

this movie also has one of the best expositions of the reasons behind the villains actions that i’ve ever seen. old man winkles in the villain’s hang-out says something along the lines of how they wanted people to believe they were something they weren’t because they didn’t like who they were. so he would dress up in costumes and terrorize people and get caught by those damn kids, but at least he was being something that was dissimilar to the self he hated. psychologically fascinating.

seth green totally wasn’t in this movie enough. though the dance sequence at the very end when he’s letting loose on the boogie floor with daphne (linda cardellini) is almost worth any disappointment i might have been feeling. rock on with dance sequences. more movies need them.

(amc van ness, by self, snuck in, 4/18/04, 4:20pm)

there’s something to be said for movies where a girl from the mid-west can fall in love with the prince of denmark. this is the kind of film i like to see when my brain just wants for a moment to be transposed into happily ever after. sigh. fantasy vs. reality and all that bullshit. well, this movie came thru on that score. there’s even some crappily done CG butterflies interspersed with wedding rings.

there’s a whole hamlet undercurrent (and how could there not be?) only he doesn’t have sex with him mother, and though his father does die, he’s not murdered. whiny prince who just wants to play does grow up though. and the girl gives up the real-life fairy tale for her dreams of becoming a doctor. it’s an interesting moral tale about taking responsibility for your actions and for your future. about giving up love, but not giving up on it. and then at the end, of course, they get everything. because he wants her in his life even if it means waiting. that’s a lot of power for her to hold over him, so you got to question his ability to be an effective ruler. plus, how the hell did their relationship even get going? whirlwind romance, thy name is hollywood faking. (ultimately i cynicize.)

(amc van ness, with jason, 4/18/04, 2:10pm)

jason and i quietly enjoyed this movie in a theatre full of gay men. it was funny, enjoyable, a rip-off of other movies though it claimed not to be, and full of singing, caked-on make-up, and dressing in drag in drag. or just one drag. it depended.

clint mentioned on his webpage that he had seen a preview for this movie and was confused because he didn’t think there was a dinner-theatre circuit in LA, so i went into this movie armed with a skeptical attitude, questioning how they were going to present that. and really…connie and carla ended up creating the one and only dinner theatre venue in LA, so, i guess it made sense. i’d never really known about dinner theatre. i mean, i’ve been to that round table place in LA where you watch the jousting tournament while eating chicken with your fingers. which i guess theoretically is the same sort of idea. only for people from the mid-west. or camelot. merlin, ho!

but anyway, watching the gangster guy who is looking for connie and carla in dinner-theatres across the country is pretty damn funny. he calls ‘rent’, “poignant”. and he sings along to the lyrics in auntie mame. he becomes, really, this freaky aficionado, and i can only applaud that kind of nonsense.

a lot of the characters actually had wierd idiosyncrasies. like nia vardalos was constantly saying things like, “your voice is giving me mono,” or “your voice is giving me shingles.” and no one had any eyebrows. alright, that’s not a quirky behavioral thing, it’s just a statement.

i kind of liked and disliked david duchovny in this movie. liked him because he’s cute and sincere. disliked him because how lame is for not being able to tell she’s a girl? and how lame is he for being so close-minded about gay people? though he does try. but the end of the movie only makes it right when she can be female and he won’t accept anything else. “i could get used to that,” he says at the end. bah on you, i say.

“i’m not gay.” -david duchovny

“neither am i…it’s complicated.” -nia vardalos

on a side note, a guy who looked a lot like michael rappaport was also in this movie (i adore him. i don’t know why. i think it’s the tall red-hair first-boyfriend syndrome thing.) and at one point he’s sitting on a park swing, swigging out of a paper bag, and clutching a kitten. abject adorable misery with kitten. some cops come along and are all like, “just put down the kitten. put the kitten down.” beautiful.

(metreon, with kristen, sneak preview, 4/17/04, 7pm)

before this movie even starts kristen and i are giggling our heads off, which pretty much should indicate to you what type of girly movie this was and how prepared we were to revel in it. and revel we did.

oh jennifer garner, i don’t care that erica’s housemate went to school with you and hated you, because i myself adore you. i think it has a lot to do with how SERIOUS she is all the time on alias what with the losing 2 years of her life, gaining a sister, losing and regaining her man; but then in this she was smiling. with actual mouth muscles. it was amazing. she’s so much prettier when she looks happy.

this movie began with footage of school photo day which is also how ‘the girl next door’ started. and…the girl actually lives next door in both movies too. also, the main male character is named matt in both. i became a little disturbed by these similarities. quickly though 13 going on 30 introduced time-travel and similarities ended.

an amazing thing about this movie is that the tagline is, “thirty, flirty, and thriving.” which made me feel like i should be more excited about the whole 5 years till 30 thing. but i’ve come to accept the fact that if i’m not going to be jennifer garner in 5 years, there’s still no real reason to look forward to it.

in my notes i have, “watching her try to hail a cab is adorable.” ” watching her clutch a fluffy pillow while drinking water is adorable.” “her nostrils flare adorably when she looks at all her shoes.” “watching her sit on the couch in their new front lawn with matt is adorable!”

at the end when the lights came up, i turned to kristen and said something about how adorable it is that she fell in love at 13 and got married to him at 30 and was still so fricking adorably in love. and how amazing it was to do that–to find someone at 13. my happy excited romantic face wilted slightly with jealousy in the face of kristen then saying, “well…i was 13 when i met gene.”

(metreon, by self, 4/17/04, 3:40pm)

it’s high school porn! brilliant (in the british intonation)! with homophobic undertones voiced by the dood from joan of arcadia who calls joan, ‘jane’! less than brilliant!

i admit to liking this movie. at the same time i was kind of horrified by how much it bashed “fags”.

“the beach is for fags.” -eli

“you know what? you guys are fags.” -matt

“it’s a cool ride, huh?” -kelly (male)

“yeah, if you’re a fag.” -jocks

____________________________________________

“eli, i like this girl!” -matt

“and you can still like her with your penis inside of her.” -eli

oh man, was it ever that sort of movie. that kind where high school boys swear, watch porn, and only think about sex, EVER. except this one guy who *likes* the girl, gets good grades, and never puts a toe out of line. except in this movie when he puts the toe over, follows it with his penis, and then falls in the pool with all his clothes on. ah the old adage about growing up and the adventures along the way wherein you fall in love with porn stars, make a porn video, and fuck with pinp porn executives. it’s just like my life, i can totally relate. all right, now i’m being sarcastic.

honestly though, i do kind of have a soft spot in my heart for movies about gutter-minded high school boys. why is that? i think it’s just because i have a crush on my memories of all the boys i knew in high school and how i was pretty much like them. and still sort of am. except for the fag-bashing. cause i don’t truck with that stuff.

“shut the fuck up. next question. faster!” -eli

and they all live happily ever after.