Monthly Archives: June 2003

ellie. is. pregnant. pregnant. preggers. having a baby. bun in the oven. conceived. gonna be a momma. holy fucking shit.

she told me. i kind of went to pieces. i am still kind of in shock. it is completely surreal. she’s my friend. my pregnant friend. i had a huge crush on her and tried really hard to get her to go out with me before being turned down on a bjork e-card. long story. anyway. now she’s pregnant. and moving to canada (in december). canada. baby canook. it’s going to say “aboot” and “dood” and MEAN it.

i can’t even imagine being pregnant. but she’s happy. really, really happy. next time you see her you can say “congrats, dood.” but no hardball with the pregnant woman. tag ball rule not allowed anymore, she gets special treatment.

mostly i’m sad that she’s going to be moving away. and so far! i mean it’s great for her because she’ll be a lot closer to her dad and she really loves vancouver. but still! so far…

pregnant, PREGNANT. shit.

erica and i stand around lathering our breasts with suntan lotion.

me: let’s make out.

erica: ok. let me just take my top off.

pause

erica: ha ha ha silly me it’s already off.

michele: oh erica, that’s a boob slapping good time.

we commence to slapping our boobs.

later…

erica and i are spreading more sunscreen on our sensitive chest regions.

michele (while carefully avoiding looking): it’s funny how not weird this is.

erica (carefully turns partially away so as not to be looking and not be able to be looked at): yeah. but i’ve known you like what, 6 years?, and it’s like whatever. they’re just our breasts.

michele: yeah. 6 years. wow.

erica: i don’t think i could really do this with anyone else though.

michele: well except for that time with kristen, jacob, and jason.

erica: well…yeah.

later…

michele (carefully keeping only the head above water): weightless, unemcumbered breast swimming stroke feels funny.

erica (giggles and flips over so she is lying on her chest): yeah.

this weekend i drove to and from vegas with jason to retrieve things like photo albums, (bruised my legs), old family movies in reels, (dropped on my foot), box of records, (smashed my finger and then jason made me take them out of the car anyway because they impeded his rear window view.)

jason’s house made me sad. the empty pool. the big bed in his dad’s room with no sheets on it. and most of all the mountains and mountains of stuff. everywhere. what do you do when faced with that? it was completely overwhelming. i remember getting to my grandfather’s house the summer after i graduated when he died and we had to clean the whole place and that was a good 20 years more accumulated garbage then westwind drive had. and we spent a whole month there doing nothing but cleaning and having a garage sale.

last week i was at safeway and the cute boy who’s hair was more dishelved than normal told me as i approached the counter that it was prostate cancer awareness week and he had to tell everybody this spiel and he didn’t really expect me to contribute anything but threw out the $1 or $5 amounts politely. i looked him in the eye, wrote down $20 and my dad’s name and handed it back to him.

i finished jason’s book on the drive back up and in the last couple of pages there’s a note from jason to himself as a reminder to ask his dad about a zip code in the LA area. i have no idea if jason ever got to ask this. but just the inclusion of it there staring up at me from this page of words that jason wrote, this beautiful novel that his dad will never get to read, seen by me while surrounded by the memories of their life as a family–was unutterably depressing.

so here it is, the me finally getting around to posting since the whole no more job thing. it’s amazing how little time you really seem to have when you have no job. you’re running all over the place trying to get things done but there’s so much more sleeping, driving to and from vegas, and topless sunbathing with erica to do. where does the time go? i just don’t know.

the party on friday was great. well it was great except for 2 things which pissed me off. 1 of which was stupid bleached hair boy who i think was named dwight who was a dick and stopped the party and upset baggity baggity o branny. fook that bastard.

the other was the excessively cute boy who i wanted to talk more with but who i was too shy to approach. damn me and my inabilty to make conversation in public! argh. it was funny when sean sent him over to ask me what was in the jungle juice and i answered very politely the whole time inwardly screaming, “he’s talking to me! talking to me! ahhh he even knew my name! what to do what to do?!” but then he left and jacob and jason grinned at me like devils and complimented my ability to form logical sentences and not run screaming. kristen later said irritably, “well of course you answer direct questions. of course. sheesh. boys.” and i was like, “yeah..uh…except for when i don’t. and run screaming. sheesh. me.”

anyway. he was really cute and i beat myself up over it all weekend. in between beating myself up with boxes, spraining ankles, delivering great smashings to my thumb which have caused quite a delightful blood blister, etc. i am a wreck. a wreck i tell you. but nowhere near as bad as my brother.

*this lovely title of a gem is compliments primarily of a story kati vol’s friend mike told me at the party about how he doesn’t like sleeping on his pillows while in bed. it was involved and elicted much giggling afterwards while we told the pillows to fook off. let me clarify because that sentence is a little confusing with the two places named. he told me at the party. at no point was i in a bed with him. the bed resided solely in the story. and i didn’t make out with kristen either.

last day of work for the summer! last day!

would anyone be interested in going to see a show at the palace of fine arts on august 10th with me? it supports world humanitarian efforts and IS IN THE PALACE OF FINE ARTS. it’s indian classical and yogic mixed dance stuff. here is info about the causes it supports, here is info about the tickets, and here is some more info about the event. i do not care if we get $15 or $25 tickets, but would prefer $25.