Categotry Archives: Movie Reviews


double dare


Categories: Movie Reviews

(International Film Festival, San Francisco, Kabuki 8, 4/26/04, 6:15pm, with Kristen)

the premise of this movie was already so wonderful, that i was won over before even having seen it. it’s a documentary about stunt women, in particular the ones who did stunts for wonder woman and xena warrior princess. obviously i invited kristen to this. she loves wonder woman. i love xena wp. it was like a match made in heaven. and then we met zoe.

zoe bell is the pretty, young thing who did all the stunts for xena. oh man. kristen and i fell for her completely. and then she was there at the end walking on her hands and being all slightly tipsy and kiwi at us. sigh.

ok. but this movie was edited superbly with the going back and forth between zoe on set with zena and jeannie epper (stuntwoman for wonder woman who is now older and trying to find work and/or become a stunt coordinator). the dichotomy between young and old and the abilities of each was set off nicely. and then, of course, the two were brought together as zena completed it’s last season (zoe in a flaming dress going thru a wall) and zoe decides to come to the states to try to find work. so jeannie and zoe become friends and jeannie helps zoe to get a job (ready!? drum roll!) as uma thurman’s double in kill bill!

at the end of the movie there was a question and answer period with the director (amanda micheli), zoe, and jeannie. during the final filming of kill bill, zoe broke her arm and so she didn’t get to kill bill, which still rankled quite a bit with her as she talked about all the work for that movie and then she didn’t even get to kill him. it was adorable. also she said, “i wasn’t even capable of wiping my ass, let alone walking on my hands.” this after she showed us that she could walk on her hands again. she’d only managed that for the first time that week. she was a dirty mouthed, muscled, tanned, blonde new zealand girl. and i loved her.

as an introduction to what the lives of female stunt doubles are like, this movie was awesome. so if you’re interested in xena, some behind the scenes footage of the fighting in kill bill 1, or swearing, i recommend this movie.


kill bill 2


Categories: Movie Reviews

i took a lot of notes during this movie. but i don’t really have much to say about it. i didn’t like it as much as the first one. it was more expositional and, hence, boring. it dragged in places with the slow blah blah blah. nothing could really compare with the fight scene in japan with the crazy 88’s and lucy liu.

the scene in the coffin, for example, went on wayyyyy to long. at first it was all creepy what with the being buried alive. but then it was just breathing in the dark. the chinese kung fu master…well it was certainly central to the plot, but it was completely absent from the first one and its induction in this one seemed like a slightly non-exact puzzle piece turned on its side and glued in. with paste. the kind that dissolves in water. all right now i’m just being picky and overzealous.

it was good. parts of it were good. i think that really i just need to see it again. it’s a movie which needs to be appreciated not loved at first sight like the first one.


jersey girl

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Categories: Movie Reviews

(amc kabuki 8, with christine, 4/2/04)

“you love me to the moon and back down to the ground.”

in a shocking turn of events, view askew presents us with an incredibly sweet story of father/daughter love. also funny! i really enjoyed this movie and recommend it heartily. the little girl is so damn cute, and even though i don’t have quite the obsession with ben affleck as christine does, he’s none too shabby either. plus as smaller roles/cameos, matt damon, jason lee, and jason biggs are all in this movie too. you can’t go wrong with those boys, you know? jason biggs almost kicked me in the face once and i’m going to never let that memory die.

funny lines:

“they’re just skinny because they’re all coked out whores.” -ben affleck to j.lo.

“mark my words, you’re going to give her the crotch rot.” pampers delivery guy to ben affleck who is trying to change the baby’s diaper and pouring way to much powder on her ass.

“i’m not really a whore-monger, dad.” -ben affleck

“what are your intentions towards my daughter?” -ben affleck to the boy who just showed gertie his genitals.

“what are you intentions towards my father?” -gertie to liv tyler after catching them half-naked in the shower.

liv tyler, the elven princess, admitting she masturbates twice a day. shudder.

the early 90’s humor (like the 70’s humor in starsky & hutch) was excellent in this movie. the whole will smith thing was also funny. and the incorporation of a bit of sweeney todd was brilliant.


scooby doo 2

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Categories: Movie Reviews

(amc kabuki 8, by self, 4/2/04)

seth green seth green. his first appearance goes into slow-mo even. whimper.

and buffy and linda cardellini:

“i’m not hot!” -velma

“i’m not either!” -daphne

said while crawling around on the floor. and then velma wears red leather and asks seth green who his mommy is. eep.

this movie also has one of the best expositions of the reasons behind the villains actions that i’ve ever seen. old man winkles in the villain’s hang-out says something along the lines of how they wanted people to believe they were something they weren’t because they didn’t like who they were. so he would dress up in costumes and terrorize people and get caught by those damn kids, but at least he was being something that was dissimilar to the self he hated. psychologically fascinating.

seth green totally wasn’t in this movie enough. though the dance sequence at the very end when he’s letting loose on the boogie floor with daphne (linda cardellini) is almost worth any disappointment i might have been feeling. rock on with dance sequences. more movies need them.


the prince and me

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Categories: Movie Reviews

(amc van ness, by self, snuck in, 4/18/04, 4:20pm)

there’s something to be said for movies where a girl from the mid-west can fall in love with the prince of denmark. this is the kind of film i like to see when my brain just wants for a moment to be transposed into happily ever after. sigh. fantasy vs. reality and all that bullshit. well, this movie came thru on that score. there’s even some crappily done CG butterflies interspersed with wedding rings.

there’s a whole hamlet undercurrent (and how could there not be?) only he doesn’t have sex with him mother, and though his father does die, he’s not murdered. whiny prince who just wants to play does grow up though. and the girl gives up the real-life fairy tale for her dreams of becoming a doctor. it’s an interesting moral tale about taking responsibility for your actions and for your future. about giving up love, but not giving up on it. and then at the end, of course, they get everything. because he wants her in his life even if it means waiting. that’s a lot of power for her to hold over him, so you got to question his ability to be an effective ruler. plus, how the hell did their relationship even get going? whirlwind romance, thy name is hollywood faking. (ultimately i cynicize.)


connie and carla


Categories: Movie Reviews

(amc van ness, with jason, 4/18/04, 2:10pm)

jason and i quietly enjoyed this movie in a theatre full of gay men. it was funny, enjoyable, a rip-off of other movies though it claimed not to be, and full of singing, caked-on make-up, and dressing in drag in drag. or just one drag. it depended.

clint mentioned on his webpage that he had seen a preview for this movie and was confused because he didn’t think there was a dinner-theatre circuit in LA, so i went into this movie armed with a skeptical attitude, questioning how they were going to present that. and really…connie and carla ended up creating the one and only dinner theatre venue in LA, so, i guess it made sense. i’d never really known about dinner theatre. i mean, i’ve been to that round table place in LA where you watch the jousting tournament while eating chicken with your fingers. which i guess theoretically is the same sort of idea. only for people from the mid-west. or camelot. merlin, ho!

but anyway, watching the gangster guy who is looking for connie and carla in dinner-theatres across the country is pretty damn funny. he calls ‘rent’, “poignant”. and he sings along to the lyrics in auntie mame. he becomes, really, this freaky aficionado, and i can only applaud that kind of nonsense.

a lot of the characters actually had wierd idiosyncrasies. like nia vardalos was constantly saying things like, “your voice is giving me mono,” or “your voice is giving me shingles.” and no one had any eyebrows. alright, that’s not a quirky behavioral thing, it’s just a statement.

i kind of liked and disliked david duchovny in this movie. liked him because he’s cute and sincere. disliked him because how lame is for not being able to tell she’s a girl? and how lame is he for being so close-minded about gay people? though he does try. but the end of the movie only makes it right when she can be female and he won’t accept anything else. “i could get used to that,” he says at the end. bah on you, i say.

“i’m not gay.” -david duchovny

“neither am i…it’s complicated.” -nia vardalos

on a side note, a guy who looked a lot like michael rappaport was also in this movie (i adore him. i don’t know why. i think it’s the tall red-hair first-boyfriend syndrome thing.) and at one point he’s sitting on a park swing, swigging out of a paper bag, and clutching a kitten. abject adorable misery with kitten. some cops come along and are all like, “just put down the kitten. put the kitten down.” beautiful.


13 going on 30


Categories: Movie Reviews

(metreon, with kristen, sneak preview, 4/17/04, 7pm)

before this movie even starts kristen and i are giggling our heads off, which pretty much should indicate to you what type of girly movie this was and how prepared we were to revel in it. and revel we did.

oh jennifer garner, i don’t care that erica’s housemate went to school with you and hated you, because i myself adore you. i think it has a lot to do with how SERIOUS she is all the time on alias what with the losing 2 years of her life, gaining a sister, losing and regaining her man; but then in this she was smiling. with actual mouth muscles. it was amazing. she’s so much prettier when she looks happy.

this movie began with footage of school photo day which is also how ‘the girl next door’ started. and…the girl actually lives next door in both movies too. also, the main male character is named matt in both. i became a little disturbed by these similarities. quickly though 13 going on 30 introduced time-travel and similarities ended.

an amazing thing about this movie is that the tagline is, “thirty, flirty, and thriving.” which made me feel like i should be more excited about the whole 5 years till 30 thing. but i’ve come to accept the fact that if i’m not going to be jennifer garner in 5 years, there’s still no real reason to look forward to it.

in my notes i have, “watching her try to hail a cab is adorable.” ” watching her clutch a fluffy pillow while drinking water is adorable.” “her nostrils flare adorably when she looks at all her shoes.” “watching her sit on the couch in their new front lawn with matt is adorable!”

at the end when the lights came up, i turned to kristen and said something about how adorable it is that she fell in love at 13 and got married to him at 30 and was still so fricking adorably in love. and how amazing it was to do that–to find someone at 13. my happy excited romantic face wilted slightly with jealousy in the face of kristen then saying, “well…i was 13 when i met gene.”

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