i do not make out with kristen as i have never made out with kristen and will never make out with kristen. contrary to prevailing popular belief.
zoe’s (and why not?) mouth dropped open in shock as she read dulcinea’s email. threesomes! threesomes! comparatively right below her nose too! later on she realized that hearing D talk about ‘tag-teaming’ when referring to another girl’s vagina was more than just slightly risque. downright amusing is what it really was. but then so are all my made up names so what can you do?
conversation after frantic dialing and impatient wiggling while it rang went a little something like this:
zoe: you did WHAT?!?!?
dulcinea: murmer murmer murmer
Z: HOLY FUCKING CRAP!
….
Z: and then what did you, um, do?
D: well i did a little breast work
Z: YOU ARE FUCKING SHITTING ME!!
D: well i’d tag-teamed out of the vaginal area and her aureoles were looking mighty fine and possibly in need of a good licking. (wouldn’t it be awesome if someone really DID said that?)
Z: sputter sputter
D: am i a dirty whore?
Z: I AM SO JEALOUS OF YOU I CAN’T EVEN TALK!
D: it’s funny because i can tell YOU about this but i couldn’t tell anyone else because they would think i was a dirty whore bound for an opium den.
Z: OPIUM DEN!!
D: there’s got to be something wrong with me.
Z: there’s nothing wrong with you. (seriously) if you can’t tell other people because they are repressed and living in the dark ages that is a them problem and not a you problem. having sex with 2 other people at once is hardly reprehensible particularly when you’re being safe and not doing it with everyone in sight. besides, dude, fucking SWEET.
chalk this one up to a dream i had. no cosmo girl magazine involved. no me. no kristen. no really.