lately, my home life seems to revolve around puke. i realize that this is an entirely unsavory subject, but i feel the need to vent about it a little and then move on.
you’d think that while snug in your bed you’re safe from such things as wild parties happening across the hall and waking up to the sounds of retching from the bathroom next door. or at least, you could imagine this would not be the case outside of a college dorm room or frat house. such is not the case in my household though. we could be a frat house for all we don’t really resemble ones’ members. however, this weekend has really taken the cake.
on saturday, much to my startled surprise an incredibly attractive biker showed up at my front door. i was alone in the house at the time, though if i had been on the phone with gene i’m sure he would have been yelling in my ear about the scary factor of door-to-door salesmen, UPS men, and girl scouts as he did early in the week when a man selling fish and meat came along looking to huff and puff and blow my house down. this curvaceous and stoic biker though was looking for my brother so they could commence the milk drinking contest. for those unaware what this constitutes, let me explain to your eternal dismay. everyone gets a gallon of milk. you drink your gallon. first person to puke loses. last person to puke wins. this is, i must say, a beautiful example of the genius of rebellious youth in action.
luckily for our pseudo-frat house they went to a public park to undertake this immensely juvenile pursuit.
last night, i returned from the copious belly-filling of the cheesecake factory to be surprised by a friend of my brother’s dragging me out of the computer chair and into the bathroom to look at his vomit. he was both drunk and high and after convincing him that in fact he was not vomiting up blood and to the contrary it was merely chunks of tomatoes and red peppers (i don’t even want to know what he was eating) i escaped to my room and refused to leave it again that night.
now sure, my house isn’t burning down so i have little in truth to complain about, but i’m thinking maybe we should move some of these milk drinking contests closer to the fire and test their extinguishing capabilities.
oh. my. god. yuck. was that tony? because i am NOT marrying a puker, not again anyway.
I second the oh my god.
oh my god.
I second the EW! which no one has yet mentioned. EWWWW!
And here I thought that this puke subject was going to be about cats.
totally tony. totally ew. he pukes after like half a beer though. he has no ability to hold liquor, it’s shameful. speaking of holding your beverages though, i forgot to add that my VERY OWN brother was the distinguished winner of the milk drinking contest. oh yes. could i be any prouder?
luckily no cat puke. but we shall not go into the anitibiotic induced other end disgustingness. let me just say that cleaning a cone-headed cat’s rear end, tail, and back leg is no good.
When is your brother moving out again?
And I second Dianna’s ewww
I won $5 during my freshman year of college betting that resident daredevil and prankster Jon Mazur couldn’t drink a gallon of milk in an hour, without puking. He only managed to down about 6.5 pints before time expired.
Later, he puked.
I was convinced you were going to talk about cats too. As for the milk contest, Mark informs me that you can do a similar “test” with water as well, but that it takes more water to make you puke than milk. Ah, living with a Dartmouth frat boy is so enlightening.
Is it possible to do the milk contest and not puke? Lets say if you drank skim milk perhaps?
try it out and let us know. i put $10 on you puking.
Whatever,, sounds like good primitive fun. Let the boys be boys, you aren’t capable of understanding.
im doing it on a sick day. drinking a gallon of milk fo fun here i go ill tell you how it goes.
i’ve got a brother in law that drank a whole gallon of milk within 10 minutes and didn’t puke at all