University of San Francisco
Kim Dae Jung Visit and Award Ceremony
3:48pm–Preparation
Head Worker: Put a golf pencil on each chair.
Michele: …
Head Worker: Where’d she go?
Volunteer: She ran off with the golf pencils.
Michele: MUAH-HA-HA-HA!!
4:00pm–Assigned a Station
Head Worker: Just take their bags and put the clothespin on it and give them the other one.
Michele: Yeah, it’s not rocket science, I think I’ve got it.
Guest: Do I have to give you my bag?
Michele: Yes. Is your wallet in this pocket?
4:12pm–Trouble Arises
DIC: Have you heard any ticking?
Michele: Ha. Ha. Ha.
DIC: Keep up the good work.
Ninja: What a dick.
4:33pm–I Decide to Organize the Bags by Number
Volunteer: Are you a little anal?
Ninja: Ninja Face Explosion Kick!
Volunteer: My nose!
Michele: Thanks, Ninja.
Ninja: Anything for you, Michele.
4:52pm–The Ninja and I Decide to Elope
Ninja: Do you want to get married?
Michele: Do you think my hat is stupid?
Ninja: No.
Michele: Yes.
5:47pm–Released to Attend Lecture
Father Privett: blah blah blah, my hero.
Kim Dae Jung: Germany blah blah Germany blah Germany! blah blah blah Germany.
Translator: I lead a double life.
Ninja: The tension is killing me.
Michele: I really have to pee.
7:01pm–Giving Back Bags
Michele: I totally didn’t steal anything.
Guest: What?
Michele: From your bag. I didn’t rifle through it.
DIC: Do I hear ticking?
Guest: I’ve been framed!
Michele: (the sound of rapidly disappearing footsteps, maniacal laughter, and the rattling of a box of golf pencils.)
7:33pm–My Life is Complete
Krysten: Excellent, Michele! Do you want all these left-over petit-fours and a flower arrangement?
Michele: YES.
Ninja: Super Sweet.
I hate golf pencils. I’d rather watch golf than have one of its pencils.
heh. just in case it isn’t clear or you haven’t known her for the past ten years, michele steals golf pencils religiously. when i see one and she’s not around, i steal it on her behalf because i know how important it is to her. also, she religiously marries ninjas. when i see one and she’s not around, i marry it on her behalf because i know how important it is to her.
in conclusion, nod (and kick).
I want golf pencils! They’re eminently stealable. For one, it’s cool when you’ve used a pencil so much that it’s been worn down to a little short stub and golf pencils are a cheater shortcut to that coolness. For two, they always seem to come in large quantities, and I have a bigtime quantity fetish. In fact, I have about a hundred quantity fetishes. Oooh.
Hi Michele, it’s Matt. Remember me from Danny’s birthday party? I professed my love to you? Remember? Well anyway, that was until I found out about the hat. Looks like I’ll have to take back everything I said.
Just kidding! Danny showed me the elope conversation with the ninja and I thought it was brilliant the most brilliant thing I’ve read since 2pm today. Cheers!
(editor’s note: this comment is actually from 2005-05-13 16:51:56 but stupid webpage was broken then and it won’t show up for some reason, so i’m re-pasting it here. probably gene could have come up with a better way of fixing this problem.)
Hi Michele, it’s Matt. Remember me from Danny’s birthday party? I professed my love to you? Remember? Well anyway, that was until I found out about the hat. Looks like I’ll have to take back everything I said.
Just kidding! Danny showed me the elope conversation with the ninja and I thought it was brilliant the most brilliant thing I’ve read since 2pm today. Cheers!
dood, of course i remember you! it’s not everyday people profess their love for me and then take it back because of a stupid hat. thanks!