while i yelled and cried at four episodes of 7th heaven last night, i had a chance to reflect on my life–in all its varied and impressively bad television viewing choices. which is how i recognized callisto in the third episode. callisto, for those of you not in the know, is an arch-nemesis to xena, princess-warrior, in seasons 2 thru 7. well, really she’s only a nemesis up to season 5, i think. then she’s dead/an angel and then she’s the reincarnated soul in xena’s second child–livia, the empress of rome/eve the destroyer of the greek gods. xena has livia through immaculate conception with callisto, this dude named eli, and the archangel michael. they quicken xena’s womb from heaven and callisto’s soul gets inserted as xena wakes up from being dead after she got nailed to a cross. all this ridiculous midwifery business aside, callisto is generally an insane warrior with a thirst for blood. occassionally she’s an insane warrior goddess after eating ambrosia. the point is that she kicks ass.
now on 7th heaven, on the other hand, she plays a 6th grade science teacher in an episode where the moral is not to run away from what scares you. even if what scares you is your autocratic 6th grade science teacher. i think what this episode really needed was callisto.
simon: “if i show her my disembodied doll head model of the universe, she’ll be mean to me!”
ruthie: “if i go on this field trup, the group will lose me and i’ll get left behind!”
mary: “if i play basketball again, i’ll throw a lousy pass that gets intercepted and then my knee will give out!”
matt: “i’m really good looking.”
lucy: “no one cares about me–michele especially despises me–and i am a whiner.”
reverend camden: “at least they’re not on drugs.”
mrs. camden: “if you run from things you’re scared of, you’ll miss out on some great experiences, kids!”
callisto: “Experience this, Kids!”
mrs. camden’s head rolls, reverend camden loses his limbs, lucy’s tongue is cut out so i don’t have to listen to her whine any more and then she gets lots of shallow cuts so she can bleed to death slowly and be in more pain, mary’s chopped in half lengthwise, ruthie’s too young and cute for me to harm even in my imagination, matt’s hair gets mussed, and simon gets spattered with blood and mussed hair.
callisto: “Curse you, Simon for Being Afraid of ME! Curse YOU!”
xena: “you’ll pay for this, callisto.”
gabrielle: “you killed my husband! i’m a lesbian now, but it still stings!”
callisto: “How about I Switch Bodies with Xena Again and We have Sex. THREEEEEEEEsome!”
Gabrielle: “why did i cut my hair?!?”
Xena: “come on, gabrielle, i like your dyke look.”
gabrielle and simon: “WHY?!?!?!?!”
callisto: “My Moral Is–Kill Everybody and Suck their Marrow! I Eat Rats in Hell!!!”
it makes me a little sad that no one will get this. but only a little.
i totally didn’t get this, nor did i even see it til just now. the conversations make no sense to me but you are getting a comment because of my total delight over your little drawing there. i like that you put that kind of time in.
why does callisto speak in capitals? you don’t even speak in capitals.
i was trying to show how she’s CRAZY. with capitals. mmmm….crazy.
i like how i didn’t even notice you were commenting on old posts back in june until now.