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It’s a dilemma

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Categories: General, Tags: ,

Sometimes I make things that I can’t tell if I should be embarrassed about or really, really proud. I made one of those yesterday.

It makes stickers, y'all.

It makes stickers, y’all.

Fish and I spent practically all of Sunday on my new bed watching streaming Netflix and being cozy. And then I discovered PhotoGrid’s sticker option. And then I found out Netflix Instants had Seaquest DSV which I had JUST been discussing with Dan at work and then things went into embarrassing territory.

OR DID THEY?

I mean….it’s pretty cute, really, right?

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So Disappointed. And Judgey.

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Today Kris and I are doing A Bit about Disappointed Turtle.

Readers, meet Disappointed Turtle,

disappointed turtle

Feel the shame

Kris thinks I should give people who don’t love JJ Fields as much as me the silent treatment (Ahem, Emily. Ahem, Kelsey). Even though in my office no one will know because we’re all silent all the time.

Kris: But Turtle will know. And he will judge.

Me: TURTLE KNOWS ALL. SEES ALL. JUDGES ALL.

Kris: EATS ALL (THE SEA SPONGES). JUDGES ALL (THE SEA SPONGES).

Me: TOO CHEWY. NOT ENOUGH FLAVOR. PUTTING ON AIRS.

Honestly, I could have continued speaking for Disappointed Turtle for another hour. Or at least several more minutes. But work intervened with its annoying tasks instead.

Having now seen JJ Fields in Austenland twice, he is possibly more my soup fantasy in it than in Soup (AKA Northanger Abbey).

FUCKING WHAT THE FUCK SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

FUCKING WHAT THE FUCK SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

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Congratulations

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There are many ways to offer someone compliments and best wishes on a new position. At my job we do it in the most nerd-like fashion possible. Here are the four favorites that I came up with, they’re 50% Firefly-centric because it is the best. If you click on 1-3 they’ll be actual animated gifs.

4.

"Have fun in your job of the future!"

“Have fun in your job of the future!”

3.

boo dream hag from princess bride

In a conversation with Kelsey talking about something else she said, “BOOOO! BoooooooOOOOOOOooooo!!” I called her “Wartish Dream Hag” and sent her a video. Her response? “I might have to send that to B.” I laughed so loud it was embarrassing in our silent office.

2.

firefly wash this land dinosaurs

“But seriously, super thrilled for all the technogeekery wonderfulness you will DEVelop!”

1.

nathan fillion saying off come my pants on a talk show.

“Nathan Fillion wanted to congratulate you personally. With his dick.”

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Marina!

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Sent me a picture!

Guys, she might be pregnant. Let's not jump the gun here and make assumptions though.

Guys, she might be pregnant. Let’s not jump the gun here and make assumptions though.

Not that it wasn’t real before but it felt a little less real than this picture knocks into your face with her pregnant belly. Like, “Excuse me, face. PREGNANT PERSON HERE.”

Like that, see?

Oh Marina. Remember when we were 18?

We were like babies! Like the baby in your belly! Only with 18 more years on us!

We were like babies! Like the baby in your belly! Only with 18 more years on us!

Look at us (mostly you, look at you) now.

Love love love this.

I will now wait for you to scream at me to take this down.

Friendship!

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Second Hand Review of Patrick Stewart’s Panty Lines

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There’s a new girl at work I have a slight girl-crush on. You know what I mean where she’s just so pretty and witty? But not so much where you hate her, where instead you just want her around all the time. It doesn’t hurt that she thinks I’m awesome and tells me so often.

I was IM’ing with her last week about a Disney movie, Teen Beach Movie, I’d half-heartedly seen part of the night before while making lemon curd cupcakes (which she referred to as “soul-balm” and thanked me effusively by telling me I was a darling and she loved me).

Emily then introduced me to the word “butterface” to refer to one of the Teen Beach leads.

Butterface?

Butterface?

I professed him as adorbs. Emily’s response? “you have a loving heart.” But seriously, who uses “butter” derogatorily? Isn’t this like Sean’s joke about how “It sucks” should be a good thing? Butter is delicious not just to those with loving hearts like me but to all the peoples, everywhere. Maybe not the peoples with allergies to dairy. But they can suck it.

Emily continued to disagree with me: “i mean, ok, if you’re into this little fella, i accept you. i guess i like men who look like roman warriors. at the play the other night, i was like: “god, patrick stewart. he’s really GOT it. om nom nom.”
poor butter. the BUTT-er of so many unfounded jokes.
(facepalm)

Pretty sure this is precisely what she meant.

Pretty sure this is precisely what she meant.

Me: butter-face is much older in the movie than in that picture you found
and patrick stewart is ALSO much older now than in that picture I just found

Emily: hahahaha.

Me: p.stew is in fact OLD

Emily: his face is HANDSOME
mmmmf.
yes.

Me: well, that is true
but he has old man BUTT

Emily: i could totally see he was wearing high cut undies in the play because he was crawling around.
patrick stewart that is.
i saw his undie lines.

Me: OMG
really?
you are making me jealous AND nauseous
was the play good?

Emily: that’s probably the right reaction.
it was WAY too abstract.

Me: cause i don’t love pinter
yup
that’s why i don’t love pinter

Emily: exactly. it was like beckett tries to be oscar wilde TOO briefly and then is back to beckett.
= pinter.

Me: this is why even tho i really wanted to see THEM
i really didn’t want to see the PLAY

Emily: i was on the front row, and therefore was, like, twenty feet from their persons. THAT was cool. but i wished they were, like, in a comedy of manner or something. something with an actual plot.

Me: well at least you got to see their persons at a range of 20 feet before you, (or they, probably they), died.
that’s pretty rad

Emily: i did think about that. i’m into it. but i did want them to point to me in the crowd and be like “you. you’re a star. come party with us.”

Me: well sure. that’s just normal reaction

Emily: sigh. i am like everyone else after all.

Me: no!
you’re totally special!
who did i tell about secret cupcakes?
you!
sadly secret cupcakes are gone now

Emily: (weeps quietly)
OMG.

Me: there was one left when i was in there
WHERE DID THEY ALL GO?

Emily: PAUL!

Me: LOUT!

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Mail

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Categories: General, Tags: , ,

One of my favorite things (and I have a lot of favorite things) is to go to other people’s houses and see mail I’ve sent them. This is very self-involved of me but I just love it. I LOVE it. Many of my closest friends do this, possibly without even knowing how happy it makes me. Kris has framed some and hung them up. Christine has a pin-up board with cards on it. Nuala had at least one on her fridge. I’ve recently discovered that Paul Ryan puts cards I send him on his fridge and on a cork-board.

I've also recently learned how to make photo collages on my phone which is my newest favoritest thing.

I’ve also recently learned how to make photo collages on my phone which is my newest favoritest thing.

The thing that makes me so happy about seeing my mail again is that it proves people like getting mail. Sending mail for me is a private, solitary affair. I buy cards or stationary, I sit in my house and write all sorts of little random things and think about the person I’m sending it too. But I don’t get to see their faces when they receive the mail, or hear what they say as they read it. Seeing it on the fridge and getting to read what I wrote again (which I, admittedly, generally forget as soon as I’ve written it) is delightful. So delightful in fact that I waited until Paul left the room and then took photos of my mail while squeeing a little bit in glee.

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Routine Cat Jokes

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Fish Styx (my cat) is a creature of routine. He’s used to getting fed every morning by 6:05 and by 6:10 to be drinking water from the bathroom sink. Weekends are pretty upsetting for the both of us.

Upside down drinking

Upside down drinking

This week at work some of us were hanging out in the kitchen interrogating Morgan about her second date the night before and discussing cat jokes.

The joke was “What’s a cat’s favorite band?”

Morgan: Meow-se.
Me: Cat Stevens.

Paul walks into the kitchen.

Paul: Hey guys. What are you doing?
Sarah: Telling jokes about cats.
Paul, totally deadpan: There’s nothing funny about cats.

Morgan does a full on spit take.

Paul's cats. Nothing funny here.

Paul’s cats. Nothing funny here.

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