Skanky Hos

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Last night, Kristen and I were supposed to go and hear my brother spin at this bar out in Livermore, right? Livermore, even. We were honestly willing to go to Livermore (fer fuck�s sake) to hear my brother play. And what does he do? He flakes on us! Totally with the flaking. Well mainly his friends flaked on him and then since he was the only one left standing/going, he flaked on us. Sigh. Where�s the love? So instead we ended up going to Oakland to see Tracy�s husband�s band play: The Hills Have Eyes. Which was hilarious since first we tried to find it and got lost in Oakland. And then we got there and it was this awesome dive bar with Christmas decorations, tons of blinky lights, and collector Barbies in their boxes piled up behind the bar counter. It was fucking sweet. I was so impressed. And so we met Tracy and Ian and all of their friends and THHE played which was cool, (they were verra into their music and it�s always nice when people both actually care about what they�re playing and can still manage to have fun while on stage, ie Ian�s none too subtle winking at the audience to invite them to share in an unknown joke which was brilliant but completely unresponded [I know it�s not a word] to by the blank faced automatons), still though it was very loud and with a shitty, shitty sound system. And Kristen and I sat in the back to avoid the worst of the speakers. Which technically didn�t seem to bother anyone else. But then I don�t think anything bothered these people. They were the angriest looking complacent bore-bot�s I�ve ever been privileged to see. The band was like, �Everybody mosh!� Everyone looked at them with blank stares. I felt a little bad. But my moshing abilities are not so up to par so really I just worked on beating up Kristen while remaining seated in the back. End of story: THHE finished and we went home.

Mind you when I say we went home, I mean Kristen drove us home and I then immediately got in my car and went off to see the midnite showing of Mr. Deeds. HA HA HA HA! I am such a freak.

Today my brother is having this huge bbq thing to which I want to go but also don�t want to go. There�s a live band and Adam, Corey and potentially others spinning, and three kegs. But on the other hand there�s bitchy hooches who glare at me and make me feel uncomfortable IN MY OWN HOME. I fucking LOATHE them. Anyway, when he flaked on me last night, he actually said I could stop by the party if I wanted to when before I was pretty much not invited. So Kristen and I are planning on stopping over there for like half and hour and then hightailing it out of there when the bitchy hooches reduce me to feeling like an insignificant wart that they can�t wait to burn off.

The last thing I have to say about this beginning of my weekend is this: it was soooo much fucking fun to go somewhere with just Kristen instead of the huge mass group outings we normally have. (sorry guys.) It�s not, mind you, to say that I wouldn�t be also happy to do something with just one of you, cause I would. I think my whole point is that even though I really love doing things with everybody: board game night, girl�s poker party, baseball, Coachella, etc., it�s also fantastic to get to do things with just one of my best friends. Lately I�ve found myself looking at how my two separate groups of friends (high school and college and even work friends (of which there really is only Ellie) have merged into one mass conglomerate group of friends and I miss the old days a little when I could distinguish between them and be able to do different things with the different groups and tell/bitch certain things to each one. (cause now I just have all of you here and then Marina in DC and I think it�s a bit much for Marina to receive all the attention I used to pay to a whole group of people. Well, ok she really doesn�t mind. And I would add the existence of jenny as a displaced member, however with her sporadic communications it doesn�t really work out that well. P.S. about jenny, she is going psychotic. I swear to god. Hee hee hee.) Anyway my point here is that it was nice last night to revert to it being just me and Kristen hanging out like we used to and being excessively clique-ish and freaQy.

Oops. Ok I just talked about almost all of this webpage�s entry with Jason on the phone. And now my mom�s here so I best be going!


Blood on the….

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This is going to be a short, but disgusting entry.

So the other day I went to this class at UCB for Grants Administration (boring work stuff). 3 hours long. Three fucking hours. Unbelievable. Anyway so at one point I had to go the bathroom (which if you know me, you will know is a common occurrence.) and so I wandered on down to the bathroom and I said hello to it�s new and interesting sinks and toilets. But then I noticed something shocking! On the doors of the bathrooms there are sometimes these little �notes� placed by the bathroom cleaning staffs that say things like, �Please help us keep the bathroom clean. Place sanitary napkins in the disposal bins. Make sure to throw away your trash. And flush the toilet before you leave.� And sometimes people have added their own little sayings to these sign, such as: �Remember to wipe your sprinkle after you tinkle.� And there�s this whle dialogue on one about sexism and how the boys don�t have these signs in their bathrooms and they are expected to be dirty and allowed whereas we are supposed to clean up after ourselves. Which is a load of bullshit, because I cannot imagine the boys bathroom being any dirty than the women�s generally are. No one seems to have grasped the concept of throwing the used paper towels into the garbage can yet. Off subject. Back to the point: This new and (now) frightening bathroom had an alarming sign which read, �If you drop any blood on the toilet seat, wipe it off. If you pee on the seat, wipe it off. Please help us to maintain a clean space for women to use the restroom.� Or something to that effect. I was horrified at the abrupt shift in language to include the menstrual cycles of bathroom users in the admonishing messages. I. Felt. So. Dirty. And I wasn�t even having MY period.



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So I forgot to tell ya�ll that when I went to the movies last weekend I saw (in addition to The Bourne Identity) Scooby Doo and The Sum of all Fears. Mind you I only paid for one of those as I was sneaky and crept into one after SD got out. Muah ha ha ha! I am so evil! It was so much fun though. I was so pleased to watch so many movies in one day. And so pleased not to be at home per usual weekend fare.

My brother is having a BBQ party this weekend to which I am not invited. And my mom is also being kicked out of the house. What the fuck is up with that I wonder. He is not a very nice child I must say. But whatever we shall leave him alone to his revels and his new pseudo girlfriend.

Speaking of pseudo relationships. Jenny has apparently been continuing to date this boy from the WAP and has YET to make out with him. GOOD GOD, GIRL. Hit that shit. I�m telling you. Man oh man. It�s been MONTHS. You don�t see certain other people waiting around for the actual event (hint hint). Anyway I�m going to call her tonight or tomorrow and get further details since her email communication skills suck ass.

Did you think I was going to talk about some pseudo relationship I myself was having? Ha ha ha. Yeah right. I don�t even have fake relationships. I�ve even given up on the boy who doesn�t know how to use the fax machine owing to the fact that he wears socks with his sandals. And boy who thinks I have someone special from Safeway doesn�t appear to even work there anymore. I am destitute of romantic entanglements. It�s obviously time for some life change. Some movement forward. Snort. Whatever.

I still cannot believe that I�m going to DC next week. I woke up this morning and was convinced that I had dreamt the whole buying of the ticket. But I didn�t. Oh no. I really have a fake paper ticket. And I already have Jason convinced to take me to the airport at 4am. Hee hee hee. THANKS JASON. You are the bomb diggity I swear.

I worry sometimes that I don�t gnaw on metaphysical bones on this page like Kristen and sometimes Jacob do on theirs. Perhaps my daily life is not that exciting. Who am I kidding? My daily life bores even me. I should work on that. Maybe tomorrow I will have something more interesting to say.


flurry of ticket buying excitement!

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The middle schoolers were there today AGAIN. Will they give me no peace?! No rest for the wicked I suppose, as my Nana always used to say. All right she never said that. But did you have to be so mean about it? Why am I carrying on a conversation with myself here? And why do I do that ALL THE TIME? Hmph.

Holy shit! You will never guess what I just did! I bought a ticket to fucking Washington DC for next Wednesday thru Sunday. I�m going to Washington DC! For the Fourth of July! If I live thru the plane ride there this is going to be an amazing weekend. I get to go to a free concert at the National Mall to hear Aretha Franklin sing! And I get to hang out with Marina and the fam. Apparently there will be little children there too! �Eek! Get off my leg, little children!� I will yell at them. Go here if you care to read about all the fun things I will be doing. Or go here if you are just jealous and want me to burn in hell. But for myself I am mainly just soooo very fucking excited. This is a totally crazy thing to do. Completely and utterly. And I know this. I KNOW it. But I couldn�t stop myself. And you have no idea how happy I made Marina. J Hi Marina! So fucking ay, DC here I come.


fucking middle schoolers

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Today, per usual, I sunbathed at lunchtime while wearing a bikini top and overalls. Some excessively loud, obnoxious middle schoolers were on campus and when I put my shirt back on they went off on it/me.

�You don�t got to put your shirt back on for them!�

�What is she wearing?�

�It�s a bathing suit top and a bathing suit bottom.�

�It�s not warm enough.�

�Why is she wearing it there?�

�If I had a bathing suit I�d be wearing it.�

�It�s hot!�

�It�s not even that warm!�

�People don�t just take off their clothes and wear bathing suits.�

�What�s she doing in it anyway?�

�She�s sunbathing!�

�It�s not even warm out.�

�They live on campus. They can do things like this.�

�If I had that body I�d be wearing a bikini too.�

�You would not!�

�It�s not that nice out!�

�What�s she wearing?�

�A bathing suit!�

�What for?�

I fucking kid you not. Fucking middle schoolers. Whoo. I used to be one of them. I don�t think I was that loud though.

So this weekend I was at the movie theatre and there were these two lesbians sitting next to me at the Bourne Identity (review coming.) and one of them was serious dyke action. And the other one was having issues and all torn up about it and CRYING in the movie theatre. And saying things such as, �I want to kiss you.� In the THEATRE. I was sitting there going good jesus, get over the fact that you�re bisexual already and shut the fuck up. It would have been endearing if she wasn�t so melodramatic. But in reality it was just dumb. Sigh. Buggin lesbians. I wish I could think things were sweet more often. I saw this couple on campus and the boy was dropping off the girl and they were all huggy huggy kissy kissy. And I was all like goddammit, pretty skinny blonde girl. Ok I actually found them pretty adorable. And before you go all homophobic on my ass and say that I was irritated by the lesbians simply because they were being openly gay in a public place�bite your tongue. You didn�t have to sit next to that girl. The openly happy about her lesbian status one was actually pretty cool. It was the other one. The other one who I wanted to punch in the face and tell her to stop making this butch lady so miserably unhappy and unrequited in love. Although I think the short haired baseball cap wearing white t-shirted and baggy pants sporting one was getting a little fed up her own self.

Speaking of the gays, I believe it�s gay pride weekend here in SF this upcoming 2 days off from work. I probably won�t budge from my house honestly. But there you have it.

Ahem and in conclusion. Kristen and I have different musical tastes. And just as I find Kristen�s choices of maudlin, morose males and feminist femme fatales kind of sweet; I think she finds the fact that I will sing along to Limp Bizkit about taking a chainsaw to someone�s bare ass kind of cute.

Balderdash is so much better than dictionary. Dictionary is the half ass to which I have just taken a chainsaw compared to Balderdash.

p.s. disregard what Kristen says and read her short fiction.

p.p.s. camping


Ferret Fun

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This is absurd how long it has taken me to update again. I admit it. And I apologize for it. Mainly to myself because I�m disappointed in myself for being a lazy slacker. What do you people care. There are so many other personal web pages to read anyway.


So! Last weekend, I went to Reno. Reno fer fuck�s sake. It was a little surreal. And I went to that rave that my brother was playing at and holy shit he�s gotten so good! I was very impressed. And pleased. And dancing. Erica came too and we had a good time at the rave and then on ferret rescue mission the next day. Sadly we missed pedal boating. But another time we have promised ourselves to go. Speaking of the ferret, he�s calmed down a ton and did not try to make a flying leap to gnaw off all my fingers the last time I saw him. He did still smell atrocious however.

Hmmm what else have I been doing with myself?�. Well I certainly haven�t been getting any sex unlike some other people I could name�� And what�s up with that, I ask. Possibly what�s up with that is the complete non-effort I put into getting someone to have sex with. Whatever. I think it�s time to stop discussing my lack of a sex-life. After all you can just go to Kristen�s page to read about the implicated Michele�s standards are too high.

I had an interview this week for a job at UCB in the Center for Middle Eastern Studies and they were asking me questions about how much I knew of the Middle East and what I would say if someone called asking for comments on a bombing in Israel or something. And the temptation to go on and on about death to heretics and beating woman in the streets was strong. But I persevered in being a polite non-terrorist/terrorist-hater. They had a gorgeous office anyway. And the money was sweet. But I still don�t think (contrary to the mucho good will of my friends) that I will be getting this job. However according to Kristen I�ve got to hurry up and get some other kind of job since they have to let one of the TAPS in my office go. And let�s all be honest here, who has the worst work ethic of all the TAPS in this office? Oh that would be me. Oh yes. Me me me. Dammit. Possibly I will have to take Kristen�s French department job after all. Where I will be forced to listen to a lot of blow job stories from the sounds of things. The slurpy disgusting sounds of things.

Erica has gone away for the next 2 weeks. To Montana of all places. Crazy psycho (but not a beach psycho.) We shall all just have to persevere in the face of a lack of Erica I suppose. I�m sure we�ll survive it somehow. Put on those happy faces people.

I have come to the conclusion that I do not have the wherewithal to go to the gym by myself. Am I a loser? Yes I am. On the other hand, can Kristen go to the grocery store by herself? No she can�t. It pisses me off though. Because I really do want to exercise and get into shape and look good when I get to go to Hawaii. It�s just too much to expect for me to make my lazy ass go to the gym though. Fucking slacker ass. I spank you.

So last night as I was checking my email I found a rejection letter from the Pacific ART/Film archive place. Fucking ay. I could do that job in my sleep. I was so upset mad and angry. But now I�m just depressed. Why is it that I can�t get a better job? I fucking hate the real world.

Oh and an update for everybody on the car accident stuff. The motorcyclist had no insurance, registration, or a motorcycle liscense. So he got hella tickets. For which I do not feel sorry for him because he should have all those things and that is his problem. But I do feel sorry for him having to pay all those tickets and his bike is trashed and that completely sucks ass. I was so hopeful that we would get the police report and it would absolve me of guilt in the entire affair and then I could go back to not stressing about having almost killed someone. But the fucking police report was full of lies and things I didn�t say and really didn�t make me feel better about myself at all. The number of people who called in and told the police how erratically and insanely the guy was driving did not make it any better that I was the one he crashed into. It�s got to be partly my fault too.

My mom took some pictures of my car and I�ll post them as soon as she gets them developed. And I fed some raccoons last night and I�ll post pictures of them too. And tonight we are going to be playing board games and I�m sure you�ll all want/need to see pictures of that too eventually someday. Whatever. 😛


car accident

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in other news. nuala and i got in a car accident on the freeway (we are both fine and so is the other guy) but i was changing lanes cause i was in stop and go and the other lane was clear like 4 cars back so i was moving over and this motorcycle came out of nowhere (i swear) and rear ended me. smash! the glass shattered and we had it in our hair and down our backs. and the back is all scrunched in and the police came and the firetruck and the ambulance. it was awful. i was so scared that the motorcycle guy had really hurt himself (the cop said he was ok). anyway it was awful. and nuala and i called in to work that we weren’t coming and came home and went to my mom’s and called her at work and made her come home and call the insurance people and drive us back to my house. whereupon we have been sitting here since like 11am watching movies. good times. and my brother called cause he went home on lunch break and my car was there all broken and my mom wasn’t home anymore and he was worried about me. it was sweet. anyway. so that was my day. my shitty shitty day. and i think nuala has whiplash.

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